Opening the Heart Bonus III

Thoughts

Said

Diary

Story III: Kyouya's Diary


"Shh, Monkey-butt, you're gonna wake up Kyouya!"

"Shut Up Hunny!"

"I have a great idea! Why don't you just shove your socks into your mouths!"

"Sara please don't be so rash."

"Shut up Shin, Haruhi was just about to open the drawer."

"Sonata dear please keep your voice down."

"…"

Our favorite group has once again returned to us after 3 years in that time Haruhi and Sonata are now engaged, Kyouya and Renge already have a son and daughter, Hunny being the bass drummer in a new talent agency, the …Tofu-chan…

(NOT AGAIN!

HAHA LOSER THAT'S FOR MIMI-KUN!

SARA!

I LOCKED THIS AREA SO THAT ONLY I CAN COME AND GO!

HEY WHAT AM I DOING HERE THEN!

TO SHOW I'M NOT GAY!

STOP TALKING IN CAPS!

Now I'm in! Ok Shin by the count of 3 I will kill you.

AAAAAH!

STOP THE CAPS!

3 ok say bye bye to Shin!

ALL: Bye Shin.)


Outside:

Jalkjfl;kjdas;jfklahklfhkjshajfkdalj;lafkjdaw;ljfdklajfiow;jf;ih;cvuiohvnhnv vvn afsdfhaslyfhap;hpifwehiahfia;jifjawio'j;foiwijifoj;aioj

The rest who weren't involved grabbed popcorn and watched the battle going on in the Author Studio until Shin, Tamaki, Sara, Hunny, and … Mori were kicked out. Soon the door to the authoresses' studio was locked and a giant booming voice was heard.

"This is soon what you shall receive for interrupting the story!"

Shin was there fore knocked unconscious by unknown forces and taken to Tellietubby land, waking up he found himself blasted by the theme song as the Tellietubbies carried him away with a bread stick, he hasn't been heard of since then, but you can still hear his screams… ooh he's in Sesame Street, no he's in Barney, now he's landed in Mr. Rogers.


Back to story.

Our favorite group was sitting in the room mortified by what they had just witnessed.

"GET WORKING!"

Everyone jumped and looked toward Kyouya's bed, the said man still asleep, Renge smacked her forehead and then stepped foreword grasping the diary and holding it up like a holy grail until.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

The room started to transform as Kyouya's sleeping form was taken away and replaced by a machine gun while other pieces of furniture were flipped to reveal weapons of every kind.

During this time Kyouya was still asleep dreaming of something spectacular, let's have a look.


(Superman Theme song plays)

"Abracadabra!"

"…"

"Hey Hermione?"

"What?"

"What is an exact replica of Harry doing here?"

"I dunno."

"Hey Harry?"

"What?"

"Why's he saying the wrong chant?"

"Maybe he's a newcomer and has dyslexia."

"But that's unheard of!"

"Then let's say he's a retard."

"HARRY POTTER CAN KISS MY ASS!"

In saying this Kyouya waves his wand claps his hand and then he turned Draco's worst enemy Harry into a giant mop. The teacher who was apparently Professor Snape had an angry tic mark over his head and then sternly said,

"All though I'm not a fan of Potter I find your out burst unacceptable and the use of spells unforgivable so that means Team Geek Squad minus 2 points."

-End Dream-


"Kaa-san? Why is Tou-san cursing in his sleep?"

Renge looked toward where Kyouya was supposedly sleeping and then with a deadpanned look, stared at little Amiho. Leaning in closely Renge whispers something in Amiho's ear making her blush really bad and thus made the Night black haired girl avert her dark brown eyes away from her 14 year old brother who tried to question the 8 year old.

Turning her attention to the group who struggled to get into the attic she spots the hammer usually left by MD who was uninterested in the diary affair taking with her a strange looking black book.

-Meanwhile-


Dear Diary,

My life sucks, I've decided to watch Naruto and saw the characters lives that brought me to a realization, my life not only sucks, Tamaki is stupider than Naruto! After watching most of the episode and further up to the part where he kisses a guy named Sausage Unagi I quit and started to watch Harry Potter… Soon very soon I got obsessed and started to cosplay and give my team the name of Geek Squad with only me there!

Afterwards Tamaki visited me with a rather idiotic proposal, celebrate Easter… On October? What an idiot.

Then I went back to my paper work and sighed… NOT! I watched Moon Phase and had a nosebleed the whole day and had a few…ahem dreams.

Well right now I'm writing to Renge about our marriage, can you believe the subject came up right after Valentines Day when I was chasing after her and then everything spiraled out of control… Details aren't permitted.


MD looked at the small doodles on the sides and the ones on the words and the rest of the pages and-

(USING TOO MUCH ANDS!

SORRY!

Damn kids today

Technically you're a kid too.

SHUT UP!

GOMEN!)

"You know he writes a lot like a girl."

She gestures to the heart shaped O's on nosebleed Moon Phase and whole. The authoress snickers as in the background Kyouya tosses and turns once again due to a nightmare.

(Serves you right pervert

You made him that way

SHUT UP!

GOMENNE!)

-Currently in the Cellar-

The group was staring at the blank pages in the book till they got to the last part with giant letters mocking them and they screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. A miracle no one took heed of it.


I HAVE HIS DIARY HOSTAGE CATCH ME IF YOU CAN LOSERS!


Only one person would be daring enough to take the diary before them and they pointed to … the rock. Poor rock.

-Amiho's room-

It was a rather boring day today and you know I finally figured out how to ahem make babies!

You first-

-And that's how you make babies.

"You know this is rather disturbing reading it from his diary."

"I've known father long enough to know his perverted habits."

"Rion you knew?"

"It was clear nosebleeds in his sleep, the way he shouts boobs, cursing, when he … never mind the last part."

"You're all perverted"


Why I'm telling you this is because some day we're gonna share the secrets of life to our children, yes we will when they're four years old. To tell the truth I want to do it secretly or else if my wife finds you she'll cut off my best friend and feed it to the fire. NOOOOO! The HORROR!

I also made a poem but my wife tells me that it's so horrible that I might as well write it in you.

Roses are polka dotted

Violets are Orangey black

Pigs nostrils are really big

Tamaki is gay

The sky is blue

I can't help but throw up on you

Cause AISHITERU!

YEAH I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL!

F-----!

So that's my poem…she doesn't respect art like me no! She cannot recognize poetic justice, she complements Silverstein but not me! Life is so cruel…maybe I should hug my dad and cry…hopefully he won't kick me out… Naah. I should come in and shout something like this.

"Hey I'm home and hungry! I want pie and pretzel! Hey old man you still here? Yo little sis! You get knocked up by someone yet?"

But last time I said that I was chained to a pole and hung there without food for days.


"Man that's harsh."

"Gramps has always been that way."

"Ootori? Food!"

"You say it the food wrong but my point is he has a giant 100 ft long stick up his ass."

"Amiho has a strange imagination and is quite rude."


I am batman!…you know I was on this scary reality TV show and they had me guess 6 letters for the word.

It looked like this:

Ch-rst ha- come and liv-s forev--.

I guessed the following letters

QQZX? And a pig head.

You wanna know how I did? I won 20 bucks from the host guy asking me to leave, I was glad because afterwards the whole place blew up and then a nuclear bomb hit the coast.

Hey I made a poem about it!

People dieing

Like a fly hippopotamus-lizard bound to rule the world

Murderers conjure with their huge ass swords

I'm Cloud with hair that's punk ASS!

My girl is the prettiest person in the world like a demon angel otaku

I'm unworthy

Cause I'm a hot Asian gangster that's calling all the girls

So what do you think? I think it's a masterpiece but my wife finds it idiotic.

"MY EYES THEY BLEED!"

"RUN ITS CURSE!"


and so the three run out of the house headed for MD's house, which has added another yaoi fangirl to our small story, the others that read the diary conveniently dropped in Kyouya's room due to the massive eye bleeding and they all rushed to Sonata's huge house.


-4:00 PM-

Waking up Kyouya finds a diary on the mattress and stares at it then fingers through it smiling as he spotted the fingerprints, he then took out a blue book with an eye on it and placed it in the secret compartment while he ripped a certain page on an entry and wrote April fools…once again our Shadow King had deviously tricked out happy tree friends.

And nobody knows where Shin is cuz nobody cares and whatever.


TBC

The last one is for you guys to vote on hope you liked this one adios.