Link goes to Tijuana, Mexico!

By: Shannon

NOTE: The characters in this story are not mine and YES, I have been to Tijuana (for my 3rd year Spanish class in my high school jr. year...besides, I live like, 30 min. from the Mexican border).

Link was doing battle with a strange alien creature trying to take Hyrule. After defeating the creature (supposedly hired by Ganon), a blue light shone upon him, transporting him to another land.....

He landed butt first on a slab of concrete on the Mexican side of the U.S. Mexican border. He was in the border town of Tijuana, Mexico.

"Geez, where am I?" thought Link as he rubbed his sore butt. "I'm gonna go ask that dude on the street corner selling jewelry."

Link approached the man selling jewelry. "Um, Sir, can you tell me where I am?"

"Senor," replied the jewelry salesman. "No hablo ingles pero mi amigo hablo ingles muy bien." He took Link by the arm to introduce him to his English-speaking friend.

"Senor, how may I help you?" asked the man, who owned a jewelry shop across the street. He was clad in a pair of black Dockers pants and a gray polo shirt to match.

"Sir, where am I?"

"You are muy comico, Senor. You are in Tijuana, Mexico!"

"Great, just great," sighed Link. "And my knowledge of the Spanish language is limited!"

"I would not worry about that, Senor," said the man. "About 90% of the people in this region of Tijuana know some English. Unfortunately, my friend whom I hired two weeks ago has limited knowledge of the English language." The man went to his office in his jewelry shop and came back with a book. "Here, Senor, this is an English-Spanish dictionary. It will come in handy just in case you meet someone that is hard to converse with. You can keep it if you want. I have several in my shipping room I give to tourists who need it."

"Thanks sir," said Link.

"You're welcome, Senor. Good luck! Oh and do not forget one thing....DO NOT DRINK THE WATER!"

Link then changed his rupees into Mexican pesos and looked around the shops. "Hmmm, I wonder if I can see if I can haggle for anything good," he thought to himself. Then Link saw a lovely woven basket in the window of a small shop.

"Zelda would love that," said Link. "Excuse me," he said, ringing the bell on the counter. "Can I have some service here?"

An old lady came out, no older than 65, holding a box of small, woven baskets. "Senor, I shall be right with you."

She stocked the baskets and approached Link. "What can I do for you today, Senor?"

"Well, I'd like that basket in the window, por favor," Link said, struggling to keep a Spanish accent.

"That basket is 14 pesos."

"Fourteen pesos, huh?" said Link. "Weeeeeeellllll, I don't think it's worth THAT much."

"What do you mean, Senor?"

"Well, I saw a basket that looked just like that in a shop about a few blocks from here and it was on sale for ELEVEN pesos."

"Eleven pesos?"

"Si, Senora."

"Tell you what, I will sell you the basket for let's say....9 pesos."

"No, seven pesos."

"Eight pesos and that's my final offer, Senor."

"All right, eight pesos," said Link.

After buying the woven basket, Link thought to himself. "Hey, I just saved myself 6 pesos. I'm going to go buy that blue woven blanket on sale across the street."

After buying that blanket and several other things, Link was kinda hungry. So he went to a local taco stand to get a beef taco.

"I wonder why we can't drink the water," Link said to himself while having a sip of some bottled soda.

"Because it is contaminated with bacteria," said a customer sitting next to him at the taco stand. "Only the people here in Tijuana are immune to it."

"Whew, thanks for telling me," said Link. "What would happen if I did drink it?"

"Let's just say you'd be chained to your toilet while eating Immodium AD tablets like candy," said the tourist after he finished his soda. "It's better if you drink soda here because it's imported here by the U.S.A. know because when I first went to Tijuana, Mexico on a college trip, it was hot and I was thirsty so I drank a tall glass of ice water at a local restaurant. Needless to say, I spent that entire night and the rest of the weekend sitting on my toilet. At least I finished that book I was meaning to read."

With that graphic image in mind, Link left the taco stand with a horrified expression on his face. He then watched a Jai Alai match and forced himself to stay away from the Mexican bars (Zelda would kill him if he even went NEAR a bar).

avoided the jewelry salesmen on the street like the plague after being conned out of several pesos just for a "gold" bracelet he bought for Zelda. Link then, popped a few more pesos into an empty paper cup held by a child begging on the street.

Just as he was about to leave, a shop owner offered Link a free Pixie cup of cool water (noticing that Link was working up a sweat).

"Sure," said Link as he drank it down, forgetting the warnings he got earlier. Then he played a tune on his ocarina and was whisked away home

When he got home, Link wasn't exactly feeling well.

"Zelda honey," he said after he greeted his wife. "I'm feeling a little sick right now. Maybe I'll skip dinner tonight."

"Are you sure?" asked Zelda. "It's your favorite, roasted lamb!"

Link held his stomach. For once in his life, he actually had a bad stomachache. He spent the rest of the night, sitting on the toilet in his bathroom, catching up on his magazine, "Hylian Golf Pro."