Well . . . . Today is the dawning of a new era! Today, Lil Devil 66 and I shall start . . . A JOINT STORY! (No, it's not about weed. Frickin pot heads)

Basically, I will write one chapter, and then Lil Devil will write another. I warn you now. The plot will be non-existent, some characters will act OOC, and blatant random fan service will occur.

Operation Figg
Chapter 1

Tohru glanced about her. The kitchen was spotless after a recent episode on Kyo's behalf of "Hey! Lets smoothies out of eggs and steak without the blender cap on!" . . . and, needless to say, it hadn't been pretty. Though, it took a long time to replace the refrigerator after Yuki threw Kyo at it when Kyo had gotten Yuki covered in steak/egg smoothie. Yum.

In celebration of the event, Tohru had gone out and bought a new exotic cookbook, and planned on making a brand new dish tonight!

"Hmm," Tohru muttered to herself as she flipped through the book, "The Cheating Man's Desert? One cup of flour, two cups of sugar—Oh hi Yuki-kun!"

Yuki smiled at Tohru, "Hello Honda-san," and walked over to the fridge, pulling out a cherry red Popsicle.

"Yuki-kun, what's 'semen'?"

TheRatNow Known As Yuki, upon hearing those words, started to choke on said cherry Popsicle.

After a few seconds of hacking, he looked up, "Why are you asking that?" Yuki wheezed.

Tohru pointed at the cookbook and smiled, "It said I needed some to make some cookies. Interesting name though, 'The Cheating Man's Desert'. Is it for dishonest poker players? Or—"

"Nevermindwhatitisletsgooutandgetsomethingelsetomake (If you are unable to read this, a translation provided by Babble Fish: Minds never go out what is let it, and receive something else, to make. (Read the bottom))" Yuki quickly interrupted, grabbing Tohru by the arm, her purse, and running out the door in a single breath.

And of course, as fate would have it, they run into Kyo.

"Hey watch where you're going, you Rat!" he snarled as Tohru grabbed his hand and pulled him along. "Wha—HEY! I want no part in your mad adventure!" He screamed as he was pulled into their mad adventure. (DUN DUN!)

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"Here we are!" Tohru announced to no one in general, clapping her hands together in glee, "The Supermarket!"

While Tohru and Kyo started to go into the building, Yuki stopped to stare at it. After a while, they realized he wasn't following, and looked behind.

"Yuki-kun? What is it?" Tohru asked

Yuki didn't reply, only looking up at the building as though it was cursed, "Maybe I just imagined it . . . but I swore I felt the aura of something irreversibly evil . . ."

"You probably DID imagine it, you brain dead rat!" Kyo huffed, and started to follow Tohru, who had started to skip into the building.

The rat blinked, mentally shrugged, and then followed them in . . . to their certain doom. DUN DUN! (Heeheeheeee)

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Once inside, the group split into three. Tohru trotted over to the fruit area, looking for the main ingredient for her meal, and Yuki went to admire the fine choices of cheese. Kyo, however, went over to the meat section, drooling over the choice cut pieces of pork, chicken, turkey, London broil . . . steak . . . beef tenderloins . . . buffalo burgers . . . Ahh . . . . Erm, right, back to the story.

"Attention, leak in aisle seven. Leak in aisle seven," rang out over the speaker system, sounding bored.

Tohru was browsing through the fruits. There were some delicious looking choices around, cherries, apples, but none of the fruit she was looking for. She quickly looked over to her left, and accidentally bumped into the person standing right there.

"Ohmigosh, I'm sorry!" Tohru rushed, "I didn't see you there! Are . . ." she trailed off, staring in shock at the person.

"Hatsuharu-san? What are you doing?" she exclaimed, looking at her friend, who was unexplainably wearing a large cow outfit, complete with a bell. The only way she could actually identify it was the Ox was his face peering out from a large hole in the neck.

"Yo," he said, flashing the peace sign with his hooves, "And I'm helping advertise a new brand of eggs."

"Then why are you in the produce area? I thought eggs were by the bread."

"Because," he announced, "I'm here for you! You're gonna come to my Cow-Cave, and we're going to fight evil while you wear a super-tight leather outfit."

Tohru gasped. "But, leather chafes my skin!"

Hatsuharu looked apologetic and shrugged, "Would you rather wear nylon?"

Before she could reply, she saw Yuki's foot slam into Hatsuharu's head, who fell over on the ground, K.O.'d!

Duhduhduh duh duh, duh duh duh! You found 6 coins! Tohru gains a level!

"WHAT? BUT SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"Are you arguing with the Narrator?" Tohru asked, shocked beyond belief, so shocked she was talking in a delightfully British accent, "Don't argue! The last person to argue with the Narrator was Hatori! That's how he lost his eye!"

" . . . but Hatori lost his eye when Akito attacked him . . . a Narrator didn't—"

"THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK! A NARRATOR DID IT!"

"Riiiiight . . . what was my line again?" Yuki asked, looking perplexed.

There was going to be some hawt TxY action going on.

"Really?" Yuki questioned, "I thought—"

TXY ACTION! NOW!

The force of the words knocked Tohru to the ground, where she hit her head and briefly passed out. Yuki, concerned for her, rushed to her side and cradled her head. She opened her eyes, glazing at him through her long lashes, "Yuki-kun? What's wrong?" she asked.

His expression cleared a little, but it remained clouded. "Are you hurt? Can you move?"

Shifting slightly, she realized that she was lying in his arms, on the ground of the Supermarket, while he kneeled beside her (it wasn't technically a hug). A blush slowly rose in her cheeks.

There's a calm surrender to the rush of day
When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away

"I'm alright, Yuki-kun," she whispered, smiling "You don't have to worry about me."

"But I want to worry, Tohru,"

An enchanted moment, and it sees me through
It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

The two stared at each other for a moment. Yuki, working up every ounce of courage he had, closed his eyes and leaned closer. Realizing what was coming, Tohru blushed even more and closed her eyes as well.

And caaaaaaaaaaaaaan you feeeeeeeeeeeel the loooooooooooove toni—"OW! Hatori! What'd you do that for!"

"Good lord, have you taken leave of your senses! How did you get this piano in the speaker room! And take those ridiculous glasses off! You look like Elton John!"

"Anything is possible with love! And you're just jealous that pink-shaded heart-shaped glasses look better on me then you."

Opening their eyes quickly, the pair glanced up at the ceiling where the voices were arguing.

Yuki gasped. "That's SHIGURE! HE'S the NARRATOR!" DUN DUN! (What, thought they went away?)

No, that's me.

Tohru nodded. "And Hatori-sama as well! They're both Narrators!"

I'm right HERE!

"I didn't know that they such powerful characters in the story!" continued Yuki, ignoring the voice.

SIGH.

"Haatoriiiiiii! Gimme my glasses back! I can't sing alluring songs to the young lovers without my glasses!"

"Then I don't think I'll ever give them back. The world has enough to deal with without your singing."

"But I was going to sing 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' and 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing'!"

" . . . I'm going to burn these, and bury the ashes."

"Fine! I'll sing anyways!" I could stay awake just to heeeear you breaaathing. Watch you smile while you're sleeping, while you're far away dreaming,

Yuki just arched his eyebrows, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey! Ayame! There you are!"

"Yes! I brought the matching purple suits you asked for! Now we can look STUNNING while we sing!"

"Perfect! I'm the middle of one! Join me!"

I could spend my life in this sweeeeet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forevvvvvvvvah
Every moment I spend with you is a moment I TREAAAAAASUUUURRRREEEEEEE!

Kyo came around the corner, holding two packages of meat. "Hey, can we get the lemon basted turkey breasts or . . ." he paused and looked at the ceiling. "What the . . . is that Shigure . . . and AYAME?"

"Sing with us Hatori!"

"You know you want to!"

I DON'T WANNA CLOSE ME EEEEEYES!
DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP
CAUSE I'D MISS YOU BABY
AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THAAAAAANG!

"My mind reels with your stupidity while my ears bleed. Give me the intercom, and no one will get hurt."

CAUSE EVEN WHEN I DREAM OF YOOOOU
THE SWEETEST DREAM WILL NEVER DOOOOO
I'D STILL MISS YOU BABY
AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THAAAAAANG!

"Ayame, have they kissed yet?"

"Oh, is that why we're singing? And who's kissing?"

"It WAS supposed to be Yuki and Tohru, but—"

"OH MY GOD, I GET TO HELP MY BROTHER SCORE WITH THE WOMAN OF HIS DREAMS! DON'T WORRY YUKI DEAR! YOUR BIG BROTHER WILL HELP YOU MAKE-OUT WITH YOUR TRUE LOVE!"

Upon that, Yuki began to hit his head against a near-by wall.

Kyo turned angrily to Yuki, tears welling up in his eyes. "You like HER! I thought we had something SPECIAL!"

Yuki stopped banging his head and looked over at the cat, with an "Omg, wtf, bbq" look on his face.

"All those long, passionate nights together meant NOTHING! And what about those midnight trysts! And the 2:30 A.M. trysts! And the Nearly-Sunrise-But-Still-Dark trysts!" Kyo demanded.

"Actually," Hatsuharu interrupted, getting up, "That was ME!"

"Um . . . But you're about seven inches taller than Yuki . . . I would have noticed," Kyo said, looking confused.

"Because I really am," Hatsuharu paused, pushing back the giant cow face off his head, and pulling back the mask he was wearing, "It's ME!" he crowed triumphantly, throwing the mask of Hatsuharu to the floor.

" . . . Brittney Spears?" guessed Tohru cocking her head to the side looking at the new person.

"No, no, Spears is blonde. That's obviously Jennifer Lopez," Yuki corrected, nodding sagely, in a very Shigure-like way.

"Come on! Jennifer Lopez isn't THAT ugly!" Kyo snorted, gesturing to the face

"I'm AKITO!" Akito screamed, glaring daggers at the trio, a Fire of Rage appearing behind him.

"Ooohhhh . . ." the three chorused, pausing at the idea of Kyo andYuki-Who-Is-Really-Akito getting it on. "Ewww . . ."

I'M CLOSE TO YOU, FEELING YOUR HEART BEATING
AND I'M WONDERING WHAT YOU'RE DREAMING
WONDERING IF IT'S ME YOU'RE SEEING
THEN I KISS YOUR EYES
AND THANK GOD WE'RE TOGETHER
I JUST WANT TO STAY WITH YOU
IN THIS MOMENT FOREVAH ("Go Ayame! Sing it!")
FOREVAH AND EVAAAAAAAAH!

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TAH-DAH!

Please review (sending either praise, criticism, flames, or ideas, we're just happy that someone bothered to read), and keep an eye out for the next chapter, written by Lil Devil 66!

And yes, that is how it translates if you run that sentance through BabbleFish Translator

Unknown Fool

(P.S. – The idea of an idiot serenading a near-kissing couple came from the wonderful fanfic "Make like a Banana", which no longer exists.)