So Hard To Let Go

oneshot AxelxTifa

She sat there, letting the tears fall down her porcelain colored face. She had lost someone close to her, someone she had loved.

Someone, that couldn't truthfully love back.

She stuffed her tear stained face into the pillow. Her cries were muffled by its fabric's and stuffing; which is what she wanted.

"I hate you!" She screamed, punching the head board with her fists, "It's your fault! I hate you, I HATE YOU!" She screamed.

Fast footsteps could be heard going up the staircase, "Tifa!" A worried blonde exclaimed, running over to the brunette girl. He flipped her over so that her face was out of the pillow, big mistake.

"I hate him!" She screamed, pounding her fists into the bed's mattress. "It's his fault! It's his fault!" Her voice echoed through out the building, letting all its residence hear.

Cloud sat her up, letting her head rest on his chest, "Tifa…" He whispered, stroking her dark hair.

At that moment, Tifa just broke out into sobs. She started to speak but her voice only came out as incomprehensible words. "Cl…Cloud." She whispered, "He didn't have to die…"

"Tifa." He said, looking down at her reddened eyes, "He wasn't even truthfully alive. He couldn't even feel. He didn't have feelings Tifa."

"He was real enough to me!" She said, standing up, angered by the blonde's comment, "Even if he couldn't feel he still loved me Cloud! He truthfully did! I don't care what you say!"

"Tifa listen to me!" Cloud said, grabbing on to Tifa's wrist and pulling her back onto the bed. "That was Axel's choice to give up his life! So don't go on hating Sora!"

Tifa started punching Cloud's chest, she wasn't trying to hurt him but she needed to hit something. Tears continued to fall from her eyes; her punches were weak against Cloud. She wasn't strong enough at the moment to do real damage.

"Cloud I think it is best you leave." Said a quite voice from the doorway, "I'll take care of her."

Cloud just nodded his head in agreement, obviously understanding the brunette's intentions.

Tifa fell down onto the bed, clawing at the comforter's surface. "I hate him Aerith." She whispered, "I hate him."

"Who do you hate? Axel or Sora?"

"W…what do you mean?"

"Axel was the one who gave up his life for Sora. So which one do you hate? The one who gave up his life, or the one he gave it up for?"

Tifa was silent for a moment, letting the words sink in, "I hate Sora."

"Why is that?"

"Cause, if Axel hadn't felt guilty he wouldn't have died for Sora."

"Axel couldn't feel Tifa." Aerith said as calmly as she could, "He only remembered how to feel."

"I still hate Sora." Tifa said, bringing her knees close to her chest.

"Tifa, you can't go on like this." Aerith sighed, placing her hand on Tifa's knee, "You gave your heart to someone that could never love you Tifa, someone who had probably never even felt love."

"He didn't have to feel it Aerith." Tifa said coldly, "You don't have to FEEL love to know you're in love. There are many other ways to tell."

"Like what?"

"There are ways Aerith." Tifa said, not looking up at the brunette, "There are many ways."

Aerith just shook her head, this girl was impossible. "So why do you hate Sora?"

"I…I'm not sure. I...I think it's…"

"Is it because he was by Axel's side when Axel died? Or is it because he was the one Axel died for? Or was it that Sora made Axel feel like he had a heart?"

"Shut up! It's not any of those reasons!" She screamed, throwing a pillow at Aerith, "Just shut up." Her voice sounded calmer the second time, tears still began swelling back up in her eyes.

Aerith watched as her friend once again broke down in tears; it was clear that Tifa was emotionally unstable.

"Tifa…" Aerith began, looking down at the grief stricken girl, "Why is it so hard to let go?"

Tifa sat up, her eyes dried from crying so much, "Aerith, if Cloud was a Nobody would you still love him?"

Aerith went silent for a moment before giving an answer, "Y…yes."

"Are you positive about that?"

"Y…y…yes." Aerith stuttered, she could see where this was leading to.

"If Cloud were to DIE, even though he was a Nobody, wouldn't you be the least bit…hurt? Even if he couldn't truthfully love you, though he tried his best, would you be able to let him…just go?"

"Ok you win." Aerith sighed in defeat, "But what made you love him anyways?"

"I…I don't know. We just sort of…connected."

"Oh." Aerith stated simply.

"Aerith, can you just leave for a moment?" Tifa asked quietly.

Aerith didn't say a word, making sure to shut the door as she left.

Tifa sat in silence, listening to the birds chirp outside. How could they feel so happy? Singing their songs of joy and life while some were just striving to live. Of course those who had once strived to live were now all dead; Sora had killed them, he had killed all of them.

All that organization wanted to do was live, to be able to feel, to be able to laugh, to be able to love. Tears once again started to swell up in her eyes. Just the thought of Sora now made her sick.

"It makes me sad when you cry." A voice called out.

Tifa looked around the room, there wasn't anyone there. "A…Axel?"

"I'm right here." The voice called out again. She continued to search around, there wasn't anyone there.

"W…where?"

"In your heart." Tifa looked down towards her heart, placing her hand over it. "You gave it to me remember?"

Tifa nodded her head, she remembered.

Flashback

"Tifa…" A red headed pyro directed towards the brunette girl, "Do you love me?"

"I think I do." Tifa whispered, her voice dangerously low, "I think I do."

"What if I told you I loved you?" He asked. Tifa looked over at him strangely.

"You can't feel Axel." She stated sadly, twiddling her fingers behind her back.

"I can if you give me your heart."

"What?" She asked confused, what did he mean by "give".

"No not literally." He said grinning, "I would never risk losing you." He wrapped his arms around her waste, surprising Tifa at first. "I meant that…"

"I think I get what you mean." Tifa said, "I'll give you my heart any day."

A smile went up Axel's face. She couldn't tell if it was a sincere smile or just a memorized emotion, "Well in that case, I love you Tifa."

End Of Flashback

Tears started swelling back up in Tifa's eyes, I'm stronger than this! She told herself, I shouldn't be crying like a baby. "Axel…why did you leave me?"

"I…I think I felt guilt." The voice called out again. She had forgotten, he could feel emotions, through her heart. He could feel guilt, he could feel love…he had loved her…

"Axel…what I would do to hold you right now." She covered her face with her hands, letting the tears drench them, "I would do anything."

"Tifa…please don't cry. It makes me sad." She could imagine Axel putting on a childish pouty face at the moment; a small giggle came from her. The smile quickly went from her face though, "Axel…I don't want to let you go…cause if I do. I'll lose you to. You'll lose my heart."

"But is your grief really worth my well being?" The voice said silently.

"My grief is worth it for the person I love."

"Tifa…." He whispered, his voice quieting down quite a bit, "You can't do this to yourself. When you feel grief, I feel grief to. To know that your grieving over me doesn't make me good at all."

Tifa started twiddling her thumbs, "Why is it so hard for me to let go Axel?"

"I don't know Tifa. But I think it would be better if you did." She could hear a chuckle come from the voice in her heart, "After all, a Nobody can't live forever…right?"

"Not with the way Sora kills them off."

"Tifa…"

She started crying again, her voice trembled as she tried to speak, "He just killed you guys Axel! It's like he didn't even care; like he didn't even feel!" Her voice was shaky as she spoke.

"Tifa, he did it to…" His voice trailed off, "He did it to save Kairi."

Tifa just sat there, holding her legs close to her and rocking back and forth, "I still hate him Axel…"

"Hate is a very dark emotion. You'll become a Nobody if you keep on drowning yourself in your grief like this."

"But how do I get it to stop?"

"You have to let me go…."

Tifa looked down towards the bed; that was the last answer she was hoping she'd get. "But…but…"

"Tifa…it'll for the best."

Tifa closed her eyes, letting her thoughts swarm her mind. Memories of the past flooded in like a monsoon, did she want to let him go? She slowly breathed in and out, trying to calm herself down.

"I'll never let you go. It's too hard. But one thing is for certain, I won't let myself drown in my own grief."

She stood up from the bed walking out of the room towards the downstairs of the inn.

Somewhere in the realm of darkness, a red head was slowly fading away.

Little did she know that she had just let him go.

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ok so that was a strange oneshot

but I did it for the 100 fan fic challenge for hate

I hope you liked it…

Please review :)