On an elevator

1. Turn to a random person and whisper, " Where are they taking us?"

2. Look menacingly at another passenger, and say "NO!"

3. Play Rock, Paper, Scissors with yourself, & be ecstatic when you win and
despondent when you lose.

4. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

5. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

6. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

7. Meow occasionally.

8. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

9. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

10. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Ordering pizza

1. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

2. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

3. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

4. Ask if you can rent a pizza.

5. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

6. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

7. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

8. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated
again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

9. Try not to say the word pizza. If they say it, say "please don't mention that ahem word."

10. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

In a movie theatre

1. Talk loudly to a friend. Whenever someone else makes the slightest noise, tell him or her they are inconsiderate little bastards for disrupting your viewing pleasure.

2. Bring a portable T.V. Watch the ball game. Cheer loudly.

3. Sing with the background music.

4. Whenever someone opens a door yell "Don't go in there, he's got a gun!"

5. If it's a Disney film, go up to the projector room and replace the film with an adult film.

6. Get a realistic looking and sounding cap gun. Go to the front of the theatre and exclaim, "The movie is depressing you." Shoot yourself in the head and fall dead. After about a minute get up and go back to you seat. Remain silent the rest of the movie.

7. Wear a trench coat and sunglasses. Whenever someone enters or exits the theatre ask to see their identification.

8. Find the light switch. Turn the lights on.

9. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

10. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.