Happy Knives' Day!


Knives' Amazing Music-Filled Day!

One day, Knives was walking around Gunsmoke, looking for people to maim when he was suddenly AMBUSHED! (Gasp!)

By none other than...

"Hey, brother!"

Knives frowned. "What are you doing here, Vash? If you're here to stop the maiming, think twice, fool!"

Vash just grinned. "Well... I've missed a few of your birthdays, what with wandering around saving people's lives and such, so I made up a song for you! Are you ready, kids?"


The Kids (i.e. Meryl, Milly, and Wolfwood):

Aye Aye Vash-y...

Vash:
I can't hear youuuuu!

Milly: (thinking) Do it... for the pudding...

Meryl: Shoot me...

Wolfwood: Ditto...

Vash (Diablo scary eyes)
WHAT WAS THAT?

Kids (nervous)
Aye Aye Vash-y!

Vash:
OHHHHHHH -
Who hates all the humans and needs therapy?

Kids:
Knives the Pla-ant!

Vash:

Abhorrent and ruthless and a meanie is he!

Kids:

Knives the Pla-ant!

Vash:
If destruction and mayhem be something you lack,

Kids:
Knives the Pla-ant!

Vash:
Then grab a .45 and pick up your slack!

Kids:
Knives the Pla-ant!

Vash:
Ready?

Vash and Kids:
Knives the Pla-ant! Knives the Pla-ant!
Knives the Pla-ant!

Vash:
Knives-the-Plaaaaa-aaaaaaaant!

HA HA HA HA !

Vash sang the last notes out with great gusto, eyes closed, savoring the musical harmonies he had created so effortlessly. He looked around for his brother's amazingly converted, smiling face but found it to be absent. "Oh, damn!"

-

Knives, having escaped death by ear puncture wound, was very cheery. Or, as cheerful as a homicidal maniac bent on the genocide of the human race could ever possibly be, barring the possibility of maiming. Geez, I'm glad Vash is finally enslaving and torturing humans for his own purposes, but there is a line you just don't cross.

However, his happiness at escaping didn't last...

As he was AMBUSHED! again! This time, though, it was the Gung-Ho Guns that AMBUSHED (!) him.

"Legato, what is the meaning of this? How dare you interrupt my special maiming day?" asked Knives, furious.

"I'm sorry, master. But we thought only to cheer you on as you continually maim and torture countless innocents," said Legato, chastised.

The plant sighed long-sufferingly. "Well, I guess so. Carry on."

Legato:
Who can take a species?
Make them into slaves?
Trap in the bulbs that become their very graves?
The Human Race...
Oh, the Human Race can!
The Human Race can 'cause they like to piss off Knives
And ruin maiming day...


Dominique, Monev, Leonof, E.G. Mine:

The Human Race makes
Everything they take
Into slaves and manual labor!
And that's why we must we savor -
When we run them through with a sabre...

Midvalley:
Oh, who can take resources?
Use them all in force?
Shun all the teachings Knives likes to reinforce?
The Human Race...
Oh, the Human Race can!
The Human Race can 'cause they like to piss off Knives
And ruin maiming day...

Elendira, Zazie, Grey, Hopperd:
The Human Race makes
Everything they take
Into slaves or manual labor!
And that's why we must we savor -
When we run them through with a sabre...

Legato:
Who can take a species?
Make them into slaves?
Trap in the bulbs that become their very graves?
The Human Race...
Oh, the Human Race can!
The Human Race can 'cause they like to piss off Knives
And ruin maiming day...

Legato wiped away a stray tear as his stirring rendition of "Candyman" by Sammy Davis Jr. drew to a close. Sighing happily, he looked around for his master's delighted face, but found nothing. He frowned.

"Oh, Master Kniiiiiiiives..."

-

Knives wiped the stray sweat from his brow, blessing any deity he could think of that he had escaped his own gang with sanity intact. He trooped into the ancient SEEDS ship and over to the slightly-dysfunctional plant he was currently caring for. He sighed.

"You're the only one who understands me now. I thought Legato and I had a connection, b-but... it's not working out." Knives sighed again.

Oh, cheer up, Knives dear... she replied in plant mind-speak.

Some things in life are bad -
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble -
Give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
Aaaaaaaand -

Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the light side of life!

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle.
That's the thing.
Aaaaaaaand -

Always look on the bright side of life!

The plant began to grin evilly, drawing closer and closer until -

Knives woke up in cold sweat, breathing deeply.

"Phew! That was quite the nightmare," he said to himself. He yawned and turned to the plant next to him.

Knives, you fainted right in the middle of my song! She said with a pout. Now I have to start over again!

"What!"

"Master!" shouted Legato joyfully from the door. "I've been looking all over for you – how was our song?"

"Er..."

"Oh, Brotherrrrrrr..."

THE END!


Okay, so this is my two hours late admission for Knives' Day. But I'll have you know that yesterday was the closing night of my musical, so all of the time leading up to Knives' Day I was super-duper busy! So, I'm very sad. I hope this still gets counted. :tear:

I do not own: the SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song, Candyman by Sammy Davis Jr., or Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.