Sam twisted under the sheets, as Dean rolled his head to one side and stared at his brother. He knew Sam was having another nightmare but the dim-witted guy just refused to talk about it.
"Sam…hey buddy, wake up, will ya?" Dean called to the other twin bed in their motel room. Sam gasped as he woke, breathing hard. He let his head slump back onto the pillow as Dean watched him try to blink away the images in front of his eyes.
"What do you want Dean?" He asked, without looking at his brother. Dean frowned,
"I wanted you to not strangle yourself in that sheet." He answered glibly. Sam sighed,
"Whatever." Sam rolled over and Dean knew he was pretending to go back to sleep, but Dean also knew he wouldn't be able to.
"How long we gonna keep this up, man? This routine? This thing where I have to wake you up coz of the nightmares, and then you say it's all ok and pretend to go back to sleep?" Sam rolled back over to look at his brother,
"Dean go back to sleep, ok?" Dean sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bed,
"Dude, you are so not fine, so don't try and tell me you are, ok?" Sam sat up too,
"Ok, so I'm not fine! Does that make you happy? What are you gonna do about it Dean? Their just nightmares ok? They can't be solved, but they can't hurt me either. I'm dealing with it."
"Yeah that'd shut me up, except you're dealing with it no better than anyone who's lost someone they love. This is like your kryptonite. It's gonna get you killed." Sam snorted then rubbed his head painfully, obviously the headaches had not subsided either,
"Dean, they're just nightmares. What exactly do you think is going to happen!"
"You dropped the ball today Sammy," his younger brother clenched his jaw and looked away, grinding his teeth,
"I've told you, I'm sorry…"
"I don't want an apology Sam! That was a regular find and blind! All we had to do was torch those bones, and you screwed up! I don't want an apology…" he repeated, "I just want you back to your old self!"
"How can I Dean?" He yelled, standing up, "The night Jess was murdered? That was the worst night of my entire life! It's bad enough seeing it once, bad enough watching the woman you love burn to death while you're helpless to stop it, but then, just as I'm starting to get my life back to normal? Just as I'm beginning to adjust? I start having nightmares. I start seeing that night, reliving her death over and over and over again. Every time I shut my eyes, Dean! Every time I try and sleep, and try and relax and blot out the demon or spirit or monster we've wasted, I have to go through all that again. I can't get away from it Dean!" He cried, rubbing his forehead, tears springing to his eyes, "I can't forget and I can't move on!" He choked, his voice breaking, "It won't let me!" Dean stood up and moved closer to his baby brother, not quite sure how to handle it. Sam looked everywhere round the room but at his big brother and Dean knew it was because he was hiding the unshed tears.
"Don't worry Sammy, we'll kill the bastard that did this, we'll get him for what he did to Mom… and to Jess…" Sam spun to face Dean, tears rolling down his cheeks. He shook his head dejectedly,
"That won't bring her back…" He murmured, as he sat down heavily on the side of the bed. Dean sat down next to him as his brother shed the tears he needed to, in order to start recovering. Dean's heart was aching for his little brother, he'd do anything he could, anything to ease his pain…but that was the thing, there was nothing he could do, and that tore him up inside. Tentatively he put an arm round Sam's shoulders and brought him to his chest. Sam shuddered as the tears fell with a new ferocity, and he leaned his head on Dean's shoulder, his tears soaking Dean's T-shirt. Whatever happened, Sam needed to get through this, so whatever happened Dean would be there, ready to pick up the pieces of an emotional night, ready to fight side by side with his brother and his Dad against the thing that had ruined all their lives, especially Sam's.