Disclaimer: I do not own this fanfiction... Ah shit, I messed up, do I get a take two? What? Role with it? Whats that mea... Never mind, let's try again.
Disclaimer, take two: I do not own the characters in this fanfiction. The idea that the fanfiction has is probably not even mine, but I had it first, and the people before me traveled in time to get the idea. Like the guys who wrote Scary Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, and Date Movie. Any mistakes made after the start of the fanfic are COMPLETELY INTENTIONAL, and should NOT BE POINTED OUT! Same applies to any flames telling me that the characters seemed OOC or that the original character is a Mary-Sue, or any such thing is just silly, because it's a frakking SATIRE! You can tell me it's BAD satire, or GOOD satire. The satire in this fic may NOT commonly apply to SC fics, but it's made for fanfictions in general.
The fanfic starts in 3...2...1... NOW!
Terribly Clichéd Disclaimer:
I DO NOT OWN THE STUFF IN THIS FANFICTION IN ANY WAY! BLARRGLEBLARR insert lame attempt at sounding evil here
Raphael/Yun-Sung/Kilik/Seigfreiddelete all except whichever person author has crush on: She's always like this.
Raphael/Seigfreid/Yun-Su... Let's just say it's Raph-sung Kilfreid: Yes oh great and wonderful one.
The terribly clichéd fanfiction
Je'na Darkraven stepped softly out of her bedroom in the castle to avoid awakening her father, Typicallyabusivefather Darkraven, who had locked her in the tallest section of the tallest tower in Darkraven Castle, which was famous for having towers that were extraordinarily tall. She wore a long dress with a V-cut neck, and had red hair. She had ice-blue eyes. She was a virgin, although this fact is not likely to be mentioned later in the story, great stock is put into being a virgin. Her blonde hair fell sinously about her body as she walked. She walked quietly past his door, seeing him slumbering in his bead, asleep. Then, she heard a rock thrown at her window, and rushed out of bed to open it. She saw Raph-sung Kilfreid, her boyfriend, standing outside. "Come on out!" He yelled.
"Shh," she responded, "Typ, which is what she called her father, Is still asleep." She said.
"Oh," Whispered Raph-sung Kilfreid. "This better?" He asked.
"It'll do." She whispered back.
"Good." He said, "I have a present for you." He said.
"What his it?" She asked back.
"You'll have to come down here and find out." Raph-sung replied.
"Oh, I love you, Raph-Sung." She said, capitolizing the S for the first time in the story. She gathered the bedsheets up, and swiftly tied them into a rope, let the rope down through the window. She hopped off the rope lightly. A/N: I'll just pop in right about here, and completely ruin the flow of the story, to say that I have bedsheets very similar to hers, which I won't describe, so you won't know. Aren't I evil? "What's your surprise, Raph-sung?" She asked.
"I love you," Said Raph-sung, "I love you so much that I have to ask you to marry me. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're pretty, you're intelligent, you have a marvelous memory, and you're very smart," he said, "I love you so much that... well... I have to ask you to marry me." He said, getting down on one knee. "I know that it's below my station to ask a princess to marry me, but I have to ask, after all..." He said, "If I'm going to be OOC, I might as well go for the total package he added."
"Oh, Raph-sung," she said, "don't be silly, I love you." She said. She hugged him, as he swept her off her feet, and onto his white horse. "Wait!" She said, "I can hear something from the top floor, it's... It sounds like my father!" She said, "Quick, let's run!" She said, and they grabbed hands and flew off into the forest, their feet pounding the ground as they ran. "Oh no!" She yelled, her had being pulled back with a jerk. "I caught some of my hair in a tree!" She yelled, "It's silvery-white, so it reflects in the moonlight." She said.
"We must go back and get it, thus provoking a dramatic confrontating with your father, as opposed to just ranning, as would be sensible. We clearly have left a marked trail, because we were, as I said, running." Raph-sung Kilfreid declared, turning back to get the hair.
"Got ya!" Yelled Je'na's father, grabbing her from behind, "I thought you'd come back to get the hair." He said. "And there's your boyfriend with you too." He said, "Well, that'll make it more fun," Typ declared, "for I shall kill you in front of him!" She said. A/N: Just interrupting flow again to say... Betcha ya didn't see that one coming!
"Don't you DARE touch one pitch-black hair on her beautiful head!" Raph-sung yelled, "I could kill you and you know it!" He said.
"Don't kill him!" Objected Je'na. "He's had his mind corrupted by the evil power of Soul Edge." She said.
"That changes it then." He said, sheathing his sword. This act of kindness allowed Je'na's father a time to regain control of his body. "GO!" He said, shoveling Jenna away from him. "I love you too much to kill you."
The two lovers walked carefully out into the forset. Suddenly, Je'na shoved Raph-sung up against a tree, and started kissing him.
"A thank-you," She said, "for your present." She said. She tour at his clothes, and he at hers, until they both were nearly unclothed.
"Wait!" Shouted Raphael, "I don't want to 'knock you up', to use slang that won't exist for hundreds of years, so I have to go." he said.
"For what?" Asked Je'na.
"A condom," Said Raph-sung back. "I know they won't be in use for many years either, at least not with any hope of an effect, but the author just realized that sex isn't aloud to be graphically described on FFNet." He added.
"I love you." She said. Then she heard noises. Raph-sung was coming back. She walked up to egg the clearing. It was her father staining there. He stabbed her in the heart. Slowly, but painfully, she died in a pool of blood.
A Monty Python-esque voice said, in a monotone, "And there was much rejoicing."
Five years later.
The funeral was being held. Typicallyabusivefather had been locked away for felony manslaughter. His wife, Kindandcaringmother, was in attendance at the funeral. "Alas, poor Je'na, I knew her well." Said Raphael. He was about to keep talking, but then Tira came by, flipped out, and killed everyone and every thing present, because the author wanted the fic to end.
So, that was it. Read and review.
And the last bit, about the author wanting the fic to end, that was true. I am so damn TIRED!