Title: Making It Better With Numbness
Disclaimer: I am own nothing just the plot. This is just mere imagination folks.
Summary: What ever you make of it. But mainly its about Peyton's depressing life.
Peyton stared down at the white line on her CD. Should she? She could make this pain go away in a matter of seconds. She could be numb for a couple hours and then fall asleep. She could forget the fact that her mother was never coming back no matter how many red lights she ran. She could forget that Lucas will always be fawning over Brooke. She could forget that Jake kept running away from her. And most of all she could forget all the stupid crap going on in her life; like her absentee father.
She wanted to be numb so badly it hurt her insides. She craved for the sweet feeling of carelessness. She wanted to be able to scream or laugh and actually mean it. It was sad that she had to snort cocaine to achieve that dream. Peyton was turning into the type of person she hated. She had no respect for people who were too weak to face their problems and instead turned to drugs and alcohol. No matter how much she tried to ignore it, it was always there. Brokenness, loneliness, pain; things she could make disappear in a few moments.
She decided, what the hell, no one is saving me now. Brooke is off with Felix or Mouth or Lucas, you never knew who Brooke was with anymore. Lucas was probably with Anna. Haley and Nathan…they had their own demons to deal with.
People Always Leave.
Peyton stared up at her famous drawing of the street lights. It was true. No one wanted to stick around for little pitiful Peyton anymore, they had their own life to live. Not that she cared or ever cared. She became tougher and stronger as the days passed. But, apparently not strong enough to say no to drugs.
Peyton chuckled softly remembering back in the forth grade where Brooke told her drugs were bad and that you would die if you gave into them; only if Brooke could see her now.
Peyton stared harder into the reflection on the shiny CD. She hated herself. She was so ugly, covered in self doubt and pity. She hated looking at herself. Once upon a time her life was simple. Now it was far from it. Her life had taken a turn for the worst when Lucas came into her life. Not that she regrets having him in her life, it is just…complicated. She was fine with her Ass of a boyfriend Nathan and her cookie cutter life. When he came into view, she felt naked to him. She felt he could see the real Peyton Sawyer, not the one masked by cheers and pom poms. He had wanted her but she pushed him away in fear, but then got caught up in him again and betrayed her best friend Brooke.
Brooke. There is another subject worth mentioning. She was always the cheery one, with big brown eyes full of wonder and ambition. Peyton took that away. Brooke didn't like to mention the 'incident' because it hurt her too much. But what about her? Peyton was hurt as well. She stood by and watched her Best Friend and Love of her Life be together. Brooke being the only one hurt in this situation my ass, Peyton thought. I mean look at me, I am on the edge of resorting to fake happiness while she is screwing some guy. What a friend.
Peyton felt one small tear escape her hazel eye and travel down her face. Frustrated, she wiped it away, sick to her stomach that she had gotten so soft and weak. She then lowered her head down some so her nose was in contact with the powdery drug. She was about to end all of her problems when she heard the voice of, none other, Brooke Davis.
"I hate men." Brooke snapped as she fell onto Peyton's comfortable bed.
Peyton quickly disposed the evidence and shut her bathroom door. Plastering a smile on her face, she propped herself against her closet door. "Felix wanted to be just friends with benefits again?"
Brooke lifted her head up a bit and made a disgusted face. "I don't want to talk about him. He makes me want to barf." She lowered her head again and groaned.
Peyton was amused at what was before her. Brooke was suffering. Of course she wouldn't let it show tomorrow or even in a couple minutes. Peyton knew that was wrong to find joy in someone else's misery but Brooke was so funny sometimes, Peyton couldn't help herself. None the less, Brooke was after her best friend…
Should I continue? I have no clue.
I wrote it because I was on the depressed side and my real feelings came out onto this story.
Its fine if its horrible. I will delete it later.