The Ryuichi dilemma

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Warnings/notes: Tatsuha/Ryuichi, slightly silly.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

written on day number 14 of Junetide, for a request made by: emptyfate

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" - and then he'll throw himself into my arms crying, and I'll tell him everything's going to be all right, and kiss him, which he won't mind because he's all scared, and then I'll do xxx and xxx, and - " Tatsuha abruptly shut up as Yuki took his eyes off the screen long enough to kick Tatsuha. "Hey! That hurt, you bastard!"

"Good. It was meant to." Yuki typed in a few more words, though his heart wasn't quite into making sure Shizuka-chan would find out about her Ryuuji-kun cheating on her with another guy anymore. "You'll get yourself arrested if you do stuff like that in public."

"It's not in public; it's in a movie-theater. Who's going to see us in the dark?" Tatsuha leaned over Yuki's shoulder to read the text on the screen. "Admit that it's a brilliant plan."

"It's the stupidest plan I've ever heard. Which can be expected, since you're the one who came up with it, but you still haven't explained why you're here." Yuki swatted at Tatsuha's hand as it reached for the mouse. "Get away from my computer."

"But that line just sucks, big brother! I'm only trying to help." Tatsuha sighed. "Okay, well, I told you my super-smart plan to get Ryuichi at my mercy by taking him to see a scary movie, except there's one small problem I need help with."

"Only one?" Yuki asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"All right, it's actually not a really small problem. It's a really big problem, and if you won't help me solve it, I'll never experience the sweet bliss of xxx my xxx in Ryuichi's xxx. And I'll hang around here and make sure you won't get any either." Tatsuha stared defiantly at Yuki.

"Tatsuha ... " The look that Yuki directed at Tatsuha was less than friendly, and might have been lethal, if looks could kill. "Oh, okay, just tell me that problem already. Anything to get rid of you."

"I knew I could count on your brotherly love for me. Now, what I need is to find a scary movie that isn't scary." Tatsuha smiled hopefully at Yuki's back.

"A scary movie that isn't scary. Next, you'll want some strawberry-taste shampoo that doesn't smell like strawberries." Yuki snorted, and typed up three more words.

"No, I already have Ryuichi's favorite brand of shampoo," Tatsuha replied, oblivious. "I just need a movie that's not going to make me look bad in front of my Ryuichi-honey by scaring me, but that's scary enough to get him frightened. That way, even if I don't get to comfort him during the movie, he'll still want me to walk him home, because he's afraid to go home alone, and then ... I must have him! He was meant to be mine!"

"I can tell by the way you've tried to seduce him nearly twenty times now without getting anywhere." Yuki snorted. "When are you going to give up? Can't you take a hint? Maybe he doesn't like perverted stalker-ish people like you."

"Me, give up? Never!" Tatsuha struck a pose. Outside, the sounds of thunder and lightning could be heard, and the lamp in Yuki's working-room flickered wildly. "Ryuichi Sakuma's mine! Muahahaha!"

x

"I don't like scary movies, Tatsuha-chan." Ryuichi dubiously stared at the poster, depicting some green and slimy creature in the process of dragging off a screaming woman in a torn dress. "Why don't we go watch something fun? Like that new Disney-movie, with all the puppies?"

"Well, yes, I'm sure that would be a lot of fun to watch, too, -but- 103 Dalmations isn't shown at this theater anymore this evening." Tatsuha thanked whichever god had made him check for that before choosing the theater. Ryuichi was far too cute for Tatsuha to be able to deny him anything; unlike Yuki, Tatsuha cared about his one true love. "Too bad. Oh, look, let's get some popcorn!"

"Popcorn!" Ryuichi was, indeed, easily distracted. Tatsuha decided he'd have to do something to make sure that Ryuichi wouldn't get distracted from -him-, at some point. "Let's get a really big bag and share!"

"Sure! Let's get an extra big drink with two straws, too!" Tatsuha grinned, rubbing his hands at the prospect of getting to share popcorn and cola with Ryuichi. It'd be child's play to 'lose' his straw, and then Ryuichi'd offer to let Tatsuha use his, of course. It'd almost be like a kiss!

"You have got the best ideas, Tatsuha-chan!" Ryuichi stared at him with shiny eyes. Tatsuha felt like he could fly. This evening was certainly looking up. "But we should get a straw for Kumagoro, too! He gets sad when people forget about him."

"Yes, yes, of course." Tatsuha grinned an apology at the young woman behind the counter. "Can I have another straw, please?"

x

"Yukiko-chan is walking on the path through the swamp, looking for her lost sister Miyako-chan, appearing not to notice the unsightly shape that slowly sneaks up behind her, covered in algae and mud."

"Waaah! Yukiko-chan! Look out! The swamp-monster's going to get you!"

" 'Miyako-chan! Miyako-chan!' her voice cries out, carried away by the wind. Will this display of sisterly affection soften the heart of the dreadful monster responsible for the disappearances of Miyako's and Yukiko's parents? And where is Akihito as his fiancee braves the dangers of the cursed swamp?"

"Akihito is a loser! LOSER!"

"Closer and closer the beastly horror crawls, its eyes glowing with unholy glee at the prospect of yet another victim to drag off to its lair, to do unspeakably awful things to the poor, helpless girl. Does this monster know no mercy?"

"Nooooo! Aaaaah!"

"Uhm, Tatsuha-kun, I think you're not supposed to yell this loudly. People want to hear the story, you know. Have some more popcorn." Ryuichi held out the bag. Tatsuha blindly grabbed a handful of popcorn and started munching it down.

"How can you be so calm? That poor girl! That horrible monster! I'm never going anywhere near a swamp ever again in my life!" Tatsuha shrieked and put his hands before his eyes as the monster struck again.

"It's just a movie." Ryuichi shrugged.

"Oh yeah? How do you know? Maybe it's real!" Tatsuha peeked through his fingers.

"I can see the zippers in the monster's costume, and the plastic rocks and trees." Ryuichi ate some more popcorn. "It's sort of fun to try and figure out how they did it."

"Maybe it's all based on a real story! They do that, right? Making movies based on things that actually happened? They do that all the time!" Tatsuha's hands were shaking.

"Tatsuha-kun? You're not actually scared, are you? Kumagoro isn't, and he's just a small, fluffy bunny." Ryuichi turned his attention away from the silver screen, where Akihito was being told about his fiancee's vanishing on her way to the castle.

"S-scared? Of course not! Ha-ha." Tatsuha rose unsteadily. "I just need to go to ah the bathroom. Yes. The bathroom. I'll be right back!"

x

"Twenty-one tries, zero successes. You need help, little brother." Yuki rubbed his temples. It was nice to not have Shuichi around to drag him off to bed around ten, but two all-nighters in a row might have been a bit too much to expect to be able to pull off. He wasn't sixteen anymore.

"I've just got rotten luck, that's all." Tatsuha looked up. "Next time, I'll get him for sure."

OWARI