This is of course a parody of Mr. and Mrs. Smith but initially when writing this, I hadn't seen the movie…I must've gotten a very good impression from the trailers since this isn't too far off…
Mr. And Mrs. Taisho
"So, Mr. Taisho, how well would you say you and Kikyo get along on a daily basis?" Dr. Phil asked Inuyasha.
"Well, for the most part, we have a good relationship, don't we, honey?" He looked over to Kikyo, who was examining her newly manicured fingernails.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah..." Kikyo said distractedly.
"It's just that," Inuyasha continued, "Sometimes she drives me crazy. Like she'll make a hole in the living room floor and cover it with a rug, just to see if I'll be stupid enough to fall in it."
"Do you?" Dr. Phil asked.
Inuyasha gave him a smirk, showing off a fang. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me two or more times, shame on me."
Kikyo gave a sigh that quickly became a cough, but said nothing. Inuyasha gave her a look, but continued. "Sometimes she'll put a bucket full of knives on top of a half opened door and wait for me to walk through it. Or maybe she'll replace a bottle of white wine with rat poison and suddenly proclaim that we need to celebrate some random event, like the anniversary of our first date or something."
Dr. Phil looked at him as if he were from another planet, then turned to Kikyo. "And how would you describe your marriage, Mrs. Taisho?" Finally she looked up from her nails and gave him a warm smile.
"Well, Dr. Phil, I love Inuyasha dearly. But likewise, he can also, you know, annoy me." She smiled lovingly at Inuyasha and he returned it. "Like, we'll be driving to go see a movie and he'll suddenly take a detour down an unfinished bridge and expect me to jump out before the car drives over the edge."
Inuyasha stifled something between a sneeze and a snort, but kept silent. "At times we'll be taking a romantic cruise on the bay and he'll suddenly set off a grenade and jump overboard. Of course, all I did was quickly throw it over with him." She gave him another smile but he was looking somewhere to his right, off stage.
Dr. Phil looked shocked, staring between her and Inuyasha. "And this is what you two call showing love?"
"Well, yeah," Inuyasha replied. "I mean, we have so much in common. But doesn't every couple have its problems? I think every husband feels at one time or another like gassing his wife in the shower, snapping her neck for good measure, then churning her remains in a meat grinder and feeding them to the dog. Am I right?"
The audience was silent. Inuyasha simply shrugged.
"Come on, women," Kikyo said, coming to his defense (and hers). "When you feel that your husband isn't paying attention to you anymore, and would rather watch a football game than ask you how your day at work went, don't you want to crack his head open with a weight, rip his testes off with salad tongues, and then toss him off the nearest cliff with sharks at the bottom?" The crowd once again was silent.
Dr. Phil cleared his throat. "Um, don't you two, you know, do some normal couple things? Like walks in the park or cuddling on the couch?"
"Actually, Dr. Phil," Inuyasha said, "We used to have walks in the park. But they always ended with either blood shed or broken bones."
Kikyo nodded her head. "Exactly. For this same reason, we've decided to keep our "cuddling" to a minimum."
Dr. Phil finally sighed in defeat. "Okay, so there you have it, folks. If these two can threaten each other's lives on a daily basis and still stay together, then any relationship can work, it just takes dedication. I want to thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Taisho for coming on the show," he said, shaking their hands.
As they left out of the back exit, Kikyo "playfully" stabbed Inuyasha in the shoulder with a sacred arrow. Likewise, he lightheartedly raked his claws across her throat. They left the building laughing and in high spirits.