The Things He had Done

The things Dean Winchester did for his brother were countless. The sacrifices he had made were endless. And the love he had for his little brother was unmatched by anything else – it was a gift – a purpose – the reason why he lived and breathed and laughed through each day. To Dean Winchester, Sam was the world.

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Sam had asked him many times why he has no friends. Dean always blamed it on their way of life, but the real reason, that, Sam will never know.

You see, it wasn't always like that. There were times when Dean had friends - many friends, but that stopped sometime in high school. It stopped the day some of his most trusted friends came to their place, he wasn't there, but Sam was. They were drunk and beat his brother to a pulp. When he returned from the store, Sam was lying blooded and bruised and unconscious on the floor. His brother had suffered a broken arm, broken ribs, and a concussion, among other things that day and had to spend few weeks at the hospital. When Dean found out who did this to Sam, he was outraged. He went to his friends hideout, where they were all gathered, and beat the daylights out of them single handedly. The one Sam said did most of the damage, Dean did the worse number on him, and smashed his skull against the wall without a drop of remorse. The boy hadn't died but last time Dean checked he was still blind. Sam never found out.

That night, when Dean lay alone on his bed, he made a silent promise – a vow. He would never have friends again.

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There was this other time when the brothers stumbled on some bad crowd. The leader of that crowd happened to be a rapist and a killer. The brothers had brought them down – and while the police led the gang away, the leader had whispered in Dean's ear. He told him that the day he gets out of jail, he'd come after his brother. He told him that Sam would be his next victim. No one knew what went between the two, definitely not Sam. Sure enough, the man got out – he had connections, and the day he did, Dean followed him. When the man was alone in a parking lot, Dean showed up and shot him three times in the heart. Sam never found out.

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Dean Winchester had made endless sacrifices and endured lots of pain and suffering for his brother.

Once, Sam had been a victim to black magic and nearly died. Dean had sought an African witch. She had told him she would save his brother if he gave her drops of his own blood. Everyone knew it was stupid to trust a witch who dealt with all sorts of magic herself, let alone give her drops of your blood willingly, but Dean didn't hesitate. Sam never found out what Dean did to save him.

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Dean had made a deal – a deadly deal with a powerful demon once in order to save Sam from the clutches of another one. The deal he had made remained a secret. No one knew what he had done - not his dad and not Sam.

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Dean had put himself between his brother and fire, bullets, angry spirits, vicious creatures and all sorts of dangers.

Sam had said he would die for him lots of times, but each time he had said it, Dean would have this look on his face. Dean knew deep inside that Sam would never die for him, not because he suspected his brother would actually try, but because Dean knew he'd never let him do it. That, however, is something Dean has to work really hard on. You see, Sam almost died protecting his brother more than once.

The first time was when he had pushed Dean out of a haunted car's way. The car had hit Sam hard and for a moment Dean was frozen in place by pure terror as he stared at the motionless body of his brother. But Sam had moved a minute later and even climbed to his feet on his own. Later on, Dean had lost control and lashed out at his brother in anger. You see, Dean was so angry because if Sam had died protecting him, he knew he wouldn't be able to survive that.

Dean can't let anyone die for him, especially not his dad and most definitely not Sam. Dean was unworthy of any sacrifice, or that what he believes.

It was okay for him to die for Sam. You see, that was his job – his purpose, but not Sam's. Yeah, it was okay for his brother to save him, to protect and watch his back sometimes, but that was about it. Sam was not allowed to trade his life for him or for anything or anyone. He would never allow Sam to die while he still breaths, period.

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One time they were trapped under a collapsing cave, and Sam along with a little boy were unconscious and hurt. Dean only had time to save one before the cave collapses completely. He chose Sam without a second hesitation, but the child's face still haunts him in his sleep to this very day.

Sam would never know the horrible things his brother had done. Deep down, Dean hates himself for doing all those horrible things, but he never even once blamed Sam. It was his choice – his job – the way he chose to lead, and the things and sacrifices he had made were just the choices he had to make along that way.

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"Let's say Good night to your brother!" He could still hear his mom's voice in his ear and the memory of her carrying him each night to his brother's room never faded away. Each time he'd bend down, kiss Sammy on the forehead and whisper the same phrase, "Good night, Sam!"

Each night his mom would take him to his own bed and tuck him in, hear him say a prayer for himself and for his brother. Each night she'd let him promise he'd always take care of Sammy and love him, before she kisses him and closes the light.

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Dean had done many things for his brother – some of them scare him, some of them disgust him, and some of them still haunt him at night, but when he glances sideways at his brother – when he watches his chest rise and fall with each safe breath, he realises it was all worth it.

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Dean Winchester had done many things to protect his baby brother and ensure his safety – many horrible things. Things that he is not proud of. Sometimes he has nightmares, sometimes he can't sleep at night, yet, to keep Sammy safe and out of harm's way – to see his brother smile another day, he'd do everything all over again.

Dean Winchester never regretted the things he had done. You see, to Dean, Sam was the world, he was a gift – a purpose – the reason why he lived and breathed and laughed through each day. Yes, Sam was Dean's world and Dean will spend the rest of his life trying to keep it safe.

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A/N

There you have it! My very first pure drabble piece. It just came out of no where – and obviously went no where, and as always I had to jot it down. There are few references to my other stories (some of which I haven't posted yet). Reviews are very much appreciated.