Number One At Surprising People?... Everyone is always talking about how unpredictable Naruto is... Does anyone care for a different opinion?

---------- Number One At Surprising People? ----------

Somewhere off in some underground base in some forest in some country somewhere, an assembly of mismatched shinobi were gathered. Each seemed to be a past opponent of Naruto's, and they had all been brought together to talk about said orange clad ninja: Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Sabaku no Gaara, Momochi Zabuza, Haku, Orochimaru, Yakushi Kabuto, and Kaguya Kimimaro.

Yes, mismatched indeed.

Anyway, as Akatsuki Leader-sama(previously unmentioned as he was the only one present who had not fought Naruto before) tapped his black remote against the desk on which a widescreen television sat neatly, the sound easily drew the collective attention of the group of mixed aquaintances and not aquaintances to him.

Coughing into his shadowy free hand, the black silhouette raised his eyes(which was the only visible part of him other than the ring on his right thumb). "It has been brought to my attention that Uzumaki Naruto has been referred to as unpredictable on many occasions. Thus I have called this meeting to discuss the authenticity of that statement," he explained himself quite well, a few whispers exchanged throughout the room.

Orochimaru and Kabuto were chatting about bad guy things, Zabuza and Haku were talking about conquering nations, and... Sasuke and Neji seemed to be having a dignified conversation about genius things. Kimimaro frowned slightly before saying in reference to the blond boy in question, "You mean that multiplying kid -- he wasn't particularly impressive."

With a low sigh, Akatsuki Leader-sama stepped out from in front of the television and pointed at it. "So, let's begin," he said to collect everyone's attention again. Flipping a switch to turn out the lights in the cave room, he tapped the little switch on his remote labeled 'On'. The screen of the television flashed on and was fuzzy for a minute before pictures flooded it...


(A somewhat deformed chibi Naruto stepped out into a seemingly empty desert and looked around dumbly as clouds stirred in the sky. Out of nowhere, an equally deformed little popsicle stick guy hopped out and began going through cheesy fighting postures as he jumped around rather quickly in front of Naruto.)


Akatsuki Leader-sama didn't look at the screen and instead focused his enigmatic gaze on his guests. "His opponent is quick, highly skilled, and made of wood. Naruto will first deduce a simple and likely vague strategy," he said causing the others to follow his words intently. "Then he will run in and try an odd flop kick which will obviously miss. Finally, he will activate Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to win," he predicted, having never watched the tape before either.


(Naruto seemed thoughtful for a moment before an idealistic lightbulb appeared over his head and he grinned dumbly. Running in he rolled his left leg forward in a flopping heel kick that was very strange indeed, his maneuver hitting only air. Not discouraged as he was Naruto, he then raised his hands in front of himself. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" he called before sending his Bunshins after his feisty opponent. Somehow, the poor popsicle stick guy was caught off guard and fell to the ground, broken in half.)


Akatsuki Leader-sama looked back at the audience, noticing as Orochimaru wiped a tear from his eye -- he had felt sorry for the little popsicle stick guy... Anyway, the Akatsuki Leader-sama took a deep breath before slapping the remote against his opposite palm and hitting the little button again.


(The same deformed Naruto ran forward out of the little desert and into a forest, someone/thing else walking out again to block his way. His opponent this time was a tall brick with a big frown and a cigar poking out of his cement mouth. Naruto raised his hand thoughtfully to rub his chin.)


Akatsuki Leader-sama then said, "This time, he will attempt Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. When it fails, he will try some more physical maneuvers which will undoubtedly end up hurting him more than his opponent. Finally, he will create a single Kage Bunshin and use it to charge up his Rasengan."


(Pulling his hands into that familiar hand seal, Naruto said, "Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Many Bunshins ran forward and began to assault the brick -- but it didn't waver. Not losing hope, Naruto approached again and began delivering funky looking punches and kicks to the cement block. Realizing that he was only succeeding in bruising himself, he seemed to think for another second before once again raising his hands. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" he said, creating a single Kage Bunshin. Soon enough, he called out the name of his ultimate jutsu, "Rasengan!" Amazingly, the brick was ground appart and the pieces fell to the ground.)


Shaking his head hopelessly, Akatsuki Leader-sama then motioned to the screen one final time. "This is the last one," he announced, ignoring the sniffling that came from Kiba in regards to that poor brick...


(This was it -- the final stretch! The chibi Naruto jumped over a little hill and into an open field. His last opponent -- which looked suspiciously like a Lego block man -- stepped forward then and challenged him. Naruto sighed before once again looking humorously thoughtful.)


Akatsuki Leader-sama yawned before making his final prediction, "He will once again try Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. When that fails, he will try Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. When that also fails, he will be worried. Finally, his opponent will beat him till he is within an inch of his life. Then he will call upon the powers of Kyuubi and his life will be spared. Observe." Pushing that little button for the last time, he folded his arms and tilted his head to watch in silence...


(Having forged a pointless strategy, Naruto yelled, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" The Bunshins proceeded to begin being eliminated by the Lego guy, eventually leaving only Naruto once again. A drip of sweat formed on Naruto's head as he formed his seal again, this time using: "Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Many more Bunshins then ran in, being knocked off one by one by his opponent. Caught off guard, Naruto looked up curiously for but a moment; the Lego dude rushed in and proceeded to pummel him till he was lying on the ground and struggling for breath, "Will I... die?" he wondered aloud. Closing his eyes, he then thought, Stupid fox... Lend me your chakra! In response, he heard a deep resounding, "Okay..." once again giving him hope. Popping up like a damned daisy, Naruto was then encircled by a red chakra aura. Creating a single Bunshin, he used it to assist him with making... you guessed it: "Rasengan!" he yelled, and the Lego man fell to the ground, miraculously dead... Because Naruto is the title character. THE END.)


"Now you see," said Akatsuki Leader-sama as he lay the remote down in front of the television set. A few of his guests mysteriously wiped tears from their eyes, in awe at the ending.

Kabuto smiled sadly, "What a sad ending!" he expressed his opinion, "Right Orochimaru-sama?"

Orochimaru nodded once affirmatively, and Sasuke shook his head negatively. "Sad to a toy collector maybe..." he griped with a frown. Neji nodded in agreement beside him.

"Besides, it was the Lego guy's destiny to lose," the Hyuuga added. It was Sasuke's turn to nod affirmatively as both simultaneously folded their arms. Meanwhile, Gaara sat in a chair close to the back, making sandwiches and paying no attention whatsoever to the matter at hand.

Kimimaro shook his head, "And the way he just kept on multiplying... Ah, the memories," he reminisced off in his own corner. Haku sat next to him and next to Haku sat Zabuza.

His eyes remind me of my own... Haku pondered, strangely staring at Kimimaro and making Kimimaro nervously scoot just slightly away at the odd scrutiny. Zabuza sighed.

"I think a better topic would be my Mizu Bunshin -- I mean, it's so much better than Kage Bunshin anyway..." Zabuza muttered as he recounted the events of the first story arc.

Kakashi lowered his head. It was true -- Naruto loved to rely on Kage Bunshin(and Rasengan since he'd learned it; okay, and the Kyuubi's chakra)... Wait, was he the only one on topic?

Akatsuki Leader-sama sighed as he rubbed his temple soothingly and turned to leave the room. None of them had been paying attention to the matter at hand in the least; they had all been watching the demo tape like it was a... movie? It was a demonstration -- to show off Naruto's... expressive fighting style!

Dropping his head in defeat, the lonesome silhouette made his way down the hall to take a nap.

Sleep would do him good -- yes, sleep.

---------- Owari: The End ----------

Note: I'm not sure why I wanted to write this, but it came out pretty funny I think. I guess it was inspired by all of the characters who keep claiming that Naruto is unpredictable, when he only typically relies on three things: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, Rasengan, and Kyuubi's chakra. And, certainly, he uses Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and Kyuubi's chakra in pretty much every one of his fights(it's the main thing I dislike about him).

Disclaimer & Copyright Information: I do not own Naruto (© Kishimoto Masashi); however, I am the author of this story. If you have comments or suggestions, leave a review or send me an e-mail. Doumo arigatou, for reading my writing!