Exploring The Charms of the Broom Closet

Zaphod Beeblebrox

"Are you sure we should be doing this?"

Harry cautiously peered around the half-shut broom closet door, scanning the hallway for any passersby. He looked over his shoulder at Hermione and winked.


"But Harry, we're- we're in a broom closet."

The shut behind him with a quiet click and Harry lit up his wand. It cut through the darkness and illuminated both of their faces with its soft glow. Hermione frowned at him reproachfully, but she couldn't keep a smile from crossing her face when she saw his cheeky grin. Only the sounds of their excited breathing filled the closet, and it almost felt like they were too close together... Suddenly, Harry snapped his fingers and reached around in his robes, fumbling around until he took out a flat, square box.

"Harry!" Hermione called out, scandalized. "Are those- are those..."

"Cigarettes?" he replied, trying to keep an innocent look on his face and failing miserably. "No."


"They're cigars!" He pulled a slender, silvery tube from the package and handed it to her. "Here, allow me." With another flick of his wand, the tip of the cigar was ignited and he raised it to her lips. "Breathe in, before it goes out!"

She inhaled sharply and Harry tried to suppress a laugh as a moment later she bent over, coughing, with an evil sparkle in her eyes. "I'm going to-" Hermione burst out in a fresh fit of coughing. Harry watched in amusement as he lit up his own cigar and blew out a perfect smoke ring.

"What was that, Hermione dearest? You're going to what?"

He regarded her with an easy smile as she looked back up at him with a scowl marring her pretty face.

"I'm going to get you..."

And then she had tossed his cigar to the floor ("Hey, those were five galleons!"), thrown her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips to his in a smooth, sexual, spine-tingling kiss. He responded earnestly, immediately wrapping his arms around her and letting them roam over her back in slow, gentle circles.

Hermione ran her hand over Harry's chest, feeling the hard muscles even through the fabric of his robes, and she felt his breathing quicken. Her fingers slid down lower until she was inches away from-

"Hermione," he said suddenly, breaking off their kiss and brushing her hand away. Her jaw hung open slightly in astonishment. She could still feel his lips, his tongue on hers... "Do you, do you think we're ready for this? I mean, to take our relationship to... you know..."

She stared at him a moment longer, taking in the sight of the Boy-Who-Lived, who was self-consciously trying to hide his obvious arousal and insecurely asking her whether they were ready to have sex. Hermione let a faint, demure smile spread across her lips and she watched in satisfaction as Harry ground his teeth together and let out an audible gasp.

"I don't know," she answered shyly. "I'm ready. What about you?"

"I, er-"

However, Harry Potter never got a chance to answer when the broom closet door was unceremoniously kicked open and the two of them hastily retreated against the wall, shielding their eyes from the light. Two familiar figures stood outlined as silhouettes in the open doorway, one cradled in the other's arms and both engaged in a deeply passionate kiss. They stepped into the broom closet, oblivious to the fact that they were intruding on an intimate moment and one of them pulled the door shut after them.

For a few moments, Harry and Hermione stood awkwardly in the corner of the closet, listening to muffled groans and the wet noises that only a snogging session could create.


The second couple instantly broke out of their heated embrace and jumped to opposite sides of the closet as Harry drew his wand and called out, "Lumos!"

Standing before them were none other than Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley.





The four stood in shocked silence, exchanging looks of rage, surprise, and outright disbelief. Ginny was the first to break the silence. She stared at the floor, not daring to make eye contact with anyone and she mumbled, "Didnknowyouwerewithmione."

Harry looked at her, confused. "What? What'd you say, Ginny?"

Even in the scarce light he could see that her cheeks were turning a brilliant shade not unlike the color of her hair.

"I said," she started in a louder voice this time, "I didn't know that you and Hermione were seeing each other."

Harry shared a glance with Hermione, who still stood pressed up against the wall, staring back and forth between Ginny and Draco.

"You," Hermione breathed, pointing at the only Slytherin in the closet. "You're with him?"

"Well," Ginny responded in a firm, unwavering voice, "what's it look like to you? Of course I'm with him!"

Draco had been watching the entire exchange with an amused expression on his face and he finally decided to join the conversation.

"So, Potty and the Bookworm, eh?"

Harry noticed that even though he had called them names, he'd said it with a surprising amount of tact and restraint and he found that he didn't feel offended in the least by the taunt.

"Yeah, me and Hermione."

Then Draco smirked and stepped over towards Ginny, reaching for her hand. Their fingers intertwined and he raised her hand to his lips and gave her a kiss while a fire blazed in his steely eyes. The youngest Weasley nearly swooned under his attentions and he smoothly caught her in his arms and leaned in for a real kiss.

"Could you please not do that here?" Hermione asked in a strained voice, watching the two lovers with disgust.

Harry put an arm around her waist and she felt herself lean into his warm body, welcoming the comfort he provided. "Just let them enjoy themselves." He pecked the top of her head, once more feeling confident and in control of the situation.

It was a feeling that was not to last, however, as there was the unmistakable sound of rusty hinges squeaking and the broom closet door swung open yet again, admitting two more people into the cramped space. They sauntered in, held in the other's arms, hands exploring bodies, sharing private giggles and whispers. Though unlike last time, the new arrivals were a bit more aware of their surroundings and they each had their wands drawn and lit in a heartbeat.

All four of the students stood in place, horrified by the sight of Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall.

The headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry smiled pleasantly at the group, his eyes glittering mischievously behind his golden half-moon spectacles. "Ah, I see we're all exploring the charms of this particular broom closet tonight."

Harry had never seen McGonagall scared in his entire life, not even when she was boldly facing down Voldemort's Death Eaters or doing other dangerous work for the Order. Right now she stood in place, Dumbledore's vibrant purple-clad arms surrounding her. Her eyes were wide and unblinking and her lips were pressed together into a frighteningly thin line, although instead of making her look intimidating, it all gave her the appearance of a nervous animal.

Ginny's and Hermione's eyes were diverted to the floor and they both nervously scratched the backs of their necks or shifted their feet around restlessly. Draco was looking at the couple with an expression of complete revulsion etched into his features, and he looked as if he was fighting to keep from losing his last meal.

Dumbledore serenely glanced in turn at each of the students, evaluating each of their reactions. After a moment, he finally came to study Harry, who stood before him, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"Sir, with all due respect," he started shakily, faltering slightly under the piercing gaze of the great wizard. Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and prepare himself for what he was about to say to the headmaster. Finally, feeling about as cool and controlled as a skydiver without a parachute, he straightened his shoulders, looked directly into Dumbledore's icy blue eyes and said, "I won't say anything if you won't..."