"Legolas, I think we should've gone south at the start of this quest."

*blank stare*

"SOUTH I SAY. There's nothing out here but…is that a bunny?!?"

*panics and grabs head* "The bunny people! They've come! They've come at last!"

"That's it. I'm turning around. I should've never gone on a quest with you, especially when you're wearing fuzzy pink. Namarie, Legolas."

*completely ignores this monologue* "The bunny people, Aragorn! Quick, quick, do what I told you to before. And NO sudden movements!"

"What? I thought that was in case of a fire…"

"Well this is more important."

"WHY, Legolas? Why are the stupid bunny people so stupid important???"

"You seem curious. You're on fire, by the way."

"Well, you see, I do seem curious. I've been told this often. It's something of a curse. Didn't someone say that to me once before…"

"Didn't someone say what? 'You're on fire, by the way?'"

"Well that one yeah, but no…hey…I'M ON FIRE AKLSDJFAKLSD;FJAWOIER!!!!!" *does what Legolas showed him, but with plenty of sudden movements*

*watches Aragorn jump up and down, imitating a bunny being chased by a hawk, with plenty of sudden dives into the brush*

"Hey legolomp, this here is some nice brush."

*watches as brush sets on fire and Aragorn continues to smolder*

"This here brush smells like Christmas."

"Why, Aragorn, you are correct. The smell of flammable plants burning does tend to put one in the mindset for Christmas."

*peeks out of brush* "Uh oh…Legolas! LEGOLAS!!! Those weren't bunnies! Those were ORCS with BUNNY MASKS ON!! They're coming for us! I foresee capture…torture…angst…and/or death!"

"Just do the second routine I taught you."

"I thought that was just in case of an audition for a big ballet company."

"Well, considering the leap in the third act lands you in the arms of your co-stars—being the Orcs in this circumstance—I have no doubt that you will take care of the problem as you are still on fire."

"Last time you leapt into an Orc's arms, it bit your braids off…"

"Ah, but therein lies my mistake. You've perfected my plan. I didn't realize that in order for it to work, I had to be on fire."

*tries it and lands in the arms of an Orc, completely NOT on fire* "wow…."

*tilts head, a slightly bemused look on his face* "Well, I see now that no matter how many times this experiment is attempted without being on fire, it never works." *scribbles something down in notebook*


"grunt grunt, I am Bugrock. Why'd ye jump on me, scum?"

"Bug? Rock? I'm Aragorn. You're like…a bug? Under a rock?"

"…my parents were hippies, ok? You don't think I get mocked enough back in Isengard?? Now you must mock me, little man??"

"Teeheeheee, Aragorn, he called you LITTLE!!!"

"Legolas, look! There are some pretty green things over there. Why don't you go examine them?"

"grunt grunt, NO. We want elf too. Come 'ere, boys! We gots ourselves some FUN!"

*stares blankly before proceeding to blink* "We must call upon the magic of the bunny people."

"grunt grunt, we set bunny people on fire and stole their heads for disguises."

"Legolas…doesn't their MAGIC still LIVE ON?!?!?"

"You seem curious."

*The Orcs capture Aragorn and Legolas, bind their hands, and begin to lead them away.*

"See, Legolas? The Orcs go north. Which is why we should've gone south. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALKSDJFDJKmeneh."

*still musing over what the Orc told them about the bunny people; comes to a brilliant conclusion* "So THAT'S how you caught on fire!"

"I remember that. Good thing you taught me how to put it out. Oh shoot, that Orc's got a whip."


*Aragorn and Legolas get whipped senseless*