This story has an odd way of mixing both feudal Japan with modern-day. I guess it can be seen almost as though the Inuyasha characters up and moved to modern Japan. With that said, this is full of stereotypes for both sexes in the name of comedy. Originally written as a girl and now looking back as a young woman, I smile at the almost neo-feminist feel of this story. Anywho, still hope you enjoy it :)
P.S. In case you're wondering, yes, the title of this is a play on Boys to Men.
Men and Women Are Not Equal
"Miroku, avert your eyes…Miroku?..Miroku!" Sango shouted at him. Very slowly did he finally tear his eyes away from the geisha that were dancing in the restaurant where they were eating a late dinner. She gave a heavy sigh. At least he's not trying to touch them. Looking back at the monk, she noticed that he had put his head close to Inuyasha's and that they were whispering, every now and then throwing a glance in her and Kagome's direction.
"Why do you put up with it?" Kagome asked her. "Why not leave him and find someone who can treat you better? He acts like he's some kind of pimp or something. You need to show him that you're not playing about having a relationship."
Sango sighed again and said, "He's a good person. He just needs some guidance."
"Mm-hm," Kagome mumbled skeptically.
As they left the restaurant, they noticed a tall figure slowly making their way towards them. In the darkness, Sango, Miroku, and Kagome couldn't tell who it was, but Inuyasha immediately picked up the familiar scent. "Sesshomaru! What the hell are you doing here?"
The demon lord's silver-white hair in the moon light blew in the wind, making him look like a female model. As if to add emphasis to that, he flicked a strand over his shoulder. "I have the right to be wherever I wish to be. Jaken decided to start PMSing and burnt dinner, so I decided to go out to eat. Got a problem with that?"
Inuyasha pulled out Tetsusaiga and gripped it as if his life counted on it, readying himself to attack. Sango and Kagome, on the other hand, were completely pissed about his "PMSing" comment.
So that's what he thinks of women, eh? an elderly woman thought as she was passing. As if we're always complaining about things. This young man needs to be taught a lesson. She passed in-between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, as if getting in the way of them fighting. "Move out the way, you old hag!" Inuyasha yelled at her. Miroku snickered.
Without warning, she threw a cloud of dust over Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sesshomaru, making all of them cough. Then she chanted a phrase in an unknown tongue, a bright light forming around the men as she did so. With a vibrant explosion, all three of them were knocked unconscious on the ground. When the light cleared, the woman was nowhere to be found. Inuyasha was the first to come to. "What the hell?" He froze. What the hell? he thought. The voice that had come out of his mouth was entirely too high pitched.
Miroku woke up next. "I think I have a migraine," he said, rubbing his head. Whoa! Since when did I start having migraines? Don't only women have them?
Last, but not least, Sesshomaru finally came around. "I think I need some chocolate cake." And some ice cream and cookies too, he thought, the fact of now having a womanly voice passing right over his head. All of them stood up slowly and examined each other. All of them fell into a fit of laughter, Sesshomaru's strangely being the loudest and highest pitched.
All of their appearances had changed. Miroku's hair was now shoulder length and had spiral curls in it. His eyes had become a soft grey color and he almost appeared as if he were blushing. He gave a girlish giggle which he hid behind his hand and looked at Sesshomaru, whose subtle changes still stood out clearly. Though he retained his markings, the hard features of a warrior had vanished, making him look delicate and almost innocent. The same went for Inuyasha, except the thick bangs that had formed over his forehead had all but vanished. What was left, curled on both sides to give it a heart shape.
Sango and Kagome looked on with a mixture of awe and satisfaction. "I think it's time to earn a little respect," Kagome told her friend. Sango nodded agreement and marched right up to the now turned women, but looking mostly at Miroku.
"For the longest time, you've treated women as if we were some kind of toy that you could play around with, then throw aside at your leisure. Well, welcome to being a female! The feminine world is a cold and dark place. Girls can be downright rude to each other and some only live to make others hurt. You say we're PMSing, but life's stressful! You'll see what I mean all too soon!" Sango took a deep breath before she started going on a rant.
"That'll do, Sango, that'll do." She and Kagome turned their backs on the "new girls" and headed for her house. Let them figure out how it feels to be a woman on their own for a while, Kagome thought. They probably won't even last the night.
She was right. Right after this thought, a loud shriek emitted from Inuyasha. "Eww! A flea!"
The other two girls screamed too. "Where?! Is it on me? Is it on me?" Sesshomaru cried.
"Kill it, kill it, kill it!" Miroku panicked. But Inuyasha's gaze was now on the ground where he had brushed Myouga.
"Master Inuyasha! It's nice to see...you..." He faltered, taking in Inuyasha's and the other two's new looks. Oh, boy. This isn't going to go over well with the Western council committee. Lord Sesshomaru- His thoughts were interrupted because Inuyasha had taken one of Miroku's sandals and proceeded to beat Myouga.
"Take that, you nasty pest!" The other two cheered him on, as if he were some kind of war hero. Myouga inflated himself again and took off into the grasses surrounding the near-by houses. He needs a bitch slap! he thought as he hopped to a safe distance away from them.
Unknowingly to him, he got his wish. A resounding slap ringed through the air as Sesshomaru hit Inuyasha. "You just stepped on my 2000 dollar shoes, you whore!" Inuyasha gave a sharp intake of breath.
"Well...well...you're a bitch!" He retorted. It was now Sesshomaru's turn to gasp. With a cry of rage, the two now sisters started scratching at each other and pulling one another's hair.
"Bitch fight!" Miroku cried out, and people poked their heads out of their houses to watch.
Everything seemed to be in Sesshomaru's favor until he stopped fighting, suddenly examining his hand. "Oh, no! I broke a claw!" He got up and kept looking at his hand as if it were the most sacred thing on earth. Inuyasha got up and started dusting himself off, flicking his hair back over his shoulder. Miroku yawned, now bored with the lack of action, and started following down the road the same way Kagome and Sango had taken earlier. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru followed, each looking as if they were in a daze, but keeping their distances.
That night was just the first of many bad evenings to come.
I realize now that I took too much of an advantage of Sessh and Inuyasha being "female dogs" to call them bitches so forgive me if I offend anyone.