Disclaimer - Me? Own this? HAHA! Yeah right.
Beneath the Surface
Her skin was like silk, her taste like sweet, sweet candy, her hair like the gentle waves of the ocean, and her eyes like gems. She was like my favorite thing; she was like sweet snow. Her scent was of a spring breeze carrying the petals of wildflowers. I could not stop myself. She became my obsession, my escape, and my doom. My lovely, lovely deity. I slept, breathed, and trained while she haunted my mind. I became an empty shell without her. I knew that I had to have her. But she was to belong to someone else. I knew she did not wish to be with him. It was forced on her and she came to me in her distress, knowing, somehow, that I would not turn her away from me.
...And she was right. The sorrow, the tears, and the misery...I drank it in like wine. Her words were bitter yet sweet to my ears. I found myself swimming in my own demise the moment I stole a taste of her petal-soft pink lips. She had recoiled in surprise, only to bring her fingers to her mouth. She stared at me with wide, scared eyes. I told her over and over that I would not abandon her, that I would keep her with me forever. I made a promise I was not certain that I could keep. I had tried to pass off what I felt for her as lust. I ended up going mad. I had tried everything to keep away from her. I had tried to convince myself that she was nothing more than a crafty spider, trying to capture me in her beautiful, invisible web of deceit. I wound up on her doorstep in the pouring rain. She took me in without question, inviting me into her home with a soft smile and kind words. She told me that I was always welcome to stay. She trusted my vows that I would do nothing to harm her. At night, my dreams were unbearable. I stayed for one night then left in the early hours of the morning, before the sun rose to shine down upon the sleeping world that was now my home.
My love for her was a curse and a blessing at the same time. She was so beautiful, so inviting with her open arms. She sheltered me from my violent past, from my uncertain future, and from the horrible present. She was my solace. I found comfort in her arms. I found love in her heart. For the first time in my life, I felt that wonderful feeling of love.
...But everything comes to an end. For me, it was too soon. For her, it was pain. It was the first time in a long time that I had cried. I lost the one thing in my life that meant anything to me. In that moment, I lost my sanity. I lost the only thing that held my soul in rapture and control. I lost the love of my life. I lost my heart. I lost everything.
The sun shone through the leaves, landing directly on his sleeping face. He groaned and opened his eyes, sitting up. He found himself on the ground; crimson gems surrounding him. He stared at them in loathing and disgust. Suddenly, her scent drifted toward him. He heard a branch snap beneath her feet and watched as she entered, tears flowing down her face. She ran to him, throwing her arms around him, her slender frame shaking with her sobs.
"I am so sorry..." She whispered; taking his face in both of her small hands. He stared at her, his expression completely unguarded. "I-I don't know how..."
"I never should have promised you. I should have known this would happen." He didn't have the heart to push her away. She gave him a tender kiss before pulling away.
"It isn't your fault." She looked around her with a frown. "Hiei...you-"
"I know." He turned away from her. She gathered every last one into her hands. "What are you doing?"
"May I...keep them? They can represent each sweet moment I had with you. I never want to let go." He swallowed the lump in his throat. Then he watched as she held them to her with one hand while trying to find something to put them in.
"Here." She looked up and stared at him as he untied the bandana from his forehead. She placed them gently inside without a word of protest, knowing it would prove futile.
"I never want to leave you." She whispered. "I want you to have something of mine." He thought for a moment before taking out his sword. She stared at him as he selected a few strands of her cerulean curls and cut them. It was not enough to be noticable but enough for him to have. She watched as he stared at it; a lost look in his eyes. She took his hand in hers and closed his fingers around the strands. "May the strands of time never tear us apart. Sometime, now, we are happy with each other."
"Botan..." He suddenly pulled her to him and breathed in her scent, trying not to cry in front of her. He never wanted to cry again. Then he gave her one long, soft, bittersweet kiss. He broke away reluctantly and watched as she stood up on shaky legs. Tears still burned in her amethyst eyes.
"I love you, Hiei."
"I...I love you..." He said softly.
"Good bye." They said in unison as she summoned her oar. Then she flew away from him. He fell forward and pounded his fist into the ground.
I let her go. I let her leave me. Afterward, I am not sure who but someone found me. He took me to his home, tried to get me to eat and drink for I don't know how long. I kept hearing this faraway voice. I was afraid to leave my sheltered darkness. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay. Forever, if need be. I wanted to remain in my dreams, in my past. I wanted to forget ever having said good bye.
"Good bye isn't always forever...I will find you again."
I remember... Someone from my past said that. I...I think I said it when I was leaving Yukina. I said it to myself, years after I had been abandoned. Finally, inevitably, I was forced awake when someone poured water over my head. Freezing cold water...
"Hiei, what happened?" The koorime found out that it had been Kurama who had found him. He couldn't bring himself to answer the kitsune's question. He felt the life literally drained from him.
"How long have I been out?"
"Oh, only a week." Kurama's voice was dry, edged with impatience. "You should eat something."
"Hn." His friend left the room quickly. He sat up and felt a dizzy spell nearly force him back down. Depression was eating away at him, slowly sucking the soul from his body in the most painful way possible. He got up and went to the window. It was noon from the position of the sun. It must have been the weekend because Kurama was not in school. He stared out into space until he heard something downstairs. He went down and noticed Kurama's ningen mother had come home and was helping his friend cook.
"Hiei, why don't you take a shower? That will give me enough time to finish." Hiei nodded. He no longer felt upset. He just felt empty. Walking up the stairs, he went into the room and went to the closet, where he knew the kitsune kept his clothes. He picked out a pair of black baggy jeans with the chains that hung down past the knees, black boxers, a new white bandana, and a black t-shirt. He didn't have the energy or the need to train. Then he went into the bathroom and stripped after getting the shower to the right temperature.
In a way, I let this happen. I allowed myself to fall under her spell. I let myself fall in love with her. I used to call it such a stupid ningen emotion. Now, I know different. I know that I was wrong. I was drowning in the lie that I did not need anyone. I was a coward to think that I could hide forever from the inevitable. But to fall so hard...I could never regret any moment with her.
I could never convince myself that it is all right that she is gone. My sweet deity...I will not let go.
"Hiei?" The koorime looked over at Kurama as the kitsune entered the door with Yuusuke, Keiko, Kuwabara, Shizuru, and Yukina behind him. Yukina gasped softly and rushed to his side, her crimson eyes swirling with concern.
"What has been done to you?" She asked softly; seeing him flinch at her touch.
"Nothing." He said coldly. Yuusuke could sense the exact thing that Kurama told him he sensed. A cold, dark depression and emptiness. Yukina looked greatly upset and unsettled. She didn't know he was her brother but she had a deep affection for the fire demon.
"Hiei, we know something happened. Why won't you tell us?" Yuusuke sat down on the other side of the couch. Shizuru was trying to make out exactly what the other thing was that she sensed.
"There is nothing to tell." Hiei snapped irritably; pulling away from Yukina like she was diseased. He stood in front of them all, anger beginning to burn in his blood-red crimson orbs. "If there was something wrong, it would be none of your business, anyway."
"Hiei, please-" Yukina stood and went to clutch at his arm. His eyes went wide and he backed away from her.
"Just leave me alone." He growled.
"But-" He cut her off with a harsh glare. "Hiei..." Small tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. He stared at her in horror.
"N-No...Yukina..." He took one small step toward her. "P-Please, stop it!" The look on her face cut him deeply. He had done it again. He had been the cause of her pain. A soft look crossed his face and she blinked when he was suddenly in front of her, holding her against him with one arm. The other brushed away her tears. "Sister, no more tears." Everyone stared. All went quiet. Kuwabara twitched and his mouth dropped open in shock. Yukina stared up at her brother before wrapping her arms around him and clutching him tightly.
"Your wounds are deep. Please allow us to help you heal them."
"I will do that on my own." He gently pulled away from her.
"Why did you not tell me before now?"
"I was hoping you would give up so you would never have to know. I am not the ideal sibling. I am not kind and caring; I am not all of those things you needed or wished me to be. All I could do was protect you." He began walking from the room. "I did that in shadow since we were young." The ice apparition turned to look at the group.
"He is in pain. Something happened to him and to Botan-chan, too."
None of them knew what.
It would be bold and stupid for me to tell them. It would do nothing to help me heal. Besides, the last thing I wanted was pity. If I told them, all they would give me is pity. I left the shelter of Kurama's home about a week after that incident. I could not bring myself to go back to my tree just yet. Nor the park. I went the other way. Now, I have a tendency to get bad luck at the worst moments. This was one of those times. I happened to walk past her house. It was small and quaint, fitting well with the neighborhood it resided in. Being curious to see if she had carted her things to Reikai, I had to see the inside for myself.
Hiei checked all of the windows, finding the window of the guest room unlocked. He opened it and crawled inside, closing it behind him. His crimson eyes scanned the room. All was as he had left it when he left that one morning. He rested his gaze on the door and went through. The long, narrow hallway met him when he opened the door. He closed it before walking down to his right, where he knew her room resided. The plain, white door greeted him. He moved to go inside but hesitated when his hand rested on the bronze doorknob. Taking a deep breath and holding it, he pushed open to the door to be greeted by stillness. Deafening silence hit him and he realized that nothing was even moved since he had last been there. His eyes rested on the windowsill, where a dozen browning, wilting roses were carefully placed. Five crumpled petals, that had once been like silk, rested on the plush, white carpet. He looked then at the bed before walking over to it. Her room...smelled like her. Everything in there...was her. He fell onto the bed and buried his face in her pillow.
"Onna..." The word passed his lips as he turned his face and closed his eyes. The cheery sunlight streamed through the blinds and the thin curtains onto his face. "Botan..." It was at the soft whisper of her name when his loneliness returned.
I felt it again; tearing at my soul like a raven or a carrion crow tears at its prey. Her name awakened too many memories, too many doors yet to be locked, and too many emotions. Always being in control had become my strong point.
...But now, it was my weakest point. It took one sweet deity to change me from the arrogant, cruel, and ignorant fool I had been to the weak and ignorant fool that I was now.
Her sweet fragrance filled my senses and her presence filled the room. The soft, feathered pillow cushioned my head and cradled my muddled thoughts. The surroundings pulled me into a tender embrace of serenity. I drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep; one that I had not known in a long time...
His eyes opened slowly, tiredness still encasing his mind. He gazed, as if in a daze, around his surroundings. Her scent teased and baited his senses. He looked down next to him, half-expecting to see her lying there. Disappointment welled up inside of him at seeing the spot empty and undisturbed. He shook his head. Nothing good would come of those feelings. Getting up, he left her room, unaware that he had left one small crimson gem on her pillow.
The cold wind carried me through my dark thoughts. A soft, gray mist had settled over the city; creeping along the streets and through the alleys like slow rivers of lost souls. I sat on top of an apartment building; the one that towered high over the city streets, the one closest to her. I felt my resolve and barriers sliding back into place. The icy walls surrounded my heart, once more encasing me in coldness absolute. No one would breach my security again. I would make sure of it.
This is the end of the first chapter of Hazard. Please review and tell me how I'm doing!
This is going to be one good HB. I have a feeling this is going to be a fun ride.