An Equilateral Triangle
by Tavalya Ra
E-mail: clearbluedelphia at yahoo dot com
Rating: R (for innuendo, references to sex, and general inappropriateness)
Category: Romance and humor. Slash and het.
Summary: Pairing up can be a delicate issue when the number is odd, but Raven has an untraditional solution.
Disclaimer: "Teen Titans" is owned by Warner Brothers and DC Comics. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
"Oh, it is so cute! It reminds me of the Garmonian tube flower, set between two Lathrin pearls! May I touch it, Robin?"
"No! Starfire! Give me back my towel!"
Cyborg hit the pause button on his controller, freezing the video game so that he and Beastboy could swivel their heads in the direction of the bathroom where the bizarre conversation originated.
"I don't even want to know what's going on in there," he said.
"All I can say is it's about time," Raven muttered, not even glancing up from her book.
Cyborg and Beastboy looked at each other, then looked at Raven, and then screeched, "What!"
"Robin and Starfire have been making eyes at each other since she landed. Besides," she stated in an even, pragmatic tone, "it's logical for the Titans to form romantic units."
"Oh? Who's going to be in your unit, Raven?" Beastboy asked, waggling his eyebrows.
For a moment- and only a moment- a slight blush tinted Raven's usual pallor. Her eyes darted from Beastboy's suggestive look to Cyborg's broad grin. Neither was aware of the expression on the other's face she noted with relief, yet she regretted opening her mouth.
"What makes you think my statement was meant to be all inclusive?" she drawled. Snapping shut her book, she rose from the sofa and swept from the room, indigo cloak billowing behind her.
Beastboy's smile wilted as she departed.
"What was that about?" he wondered, disguising from his voice how worried her reaction made him.
"Guess she just likes to keep her personal life private," Cyborg answered confidently, with an oddly sly little smirk.
"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed quietly. Raven's refusal to admit anything- or even make a smug retort that hinted at or hid the truth- when asked so directly disturbed him. Cyborg's tone bothered him as well. The other Titan spoke as if… "Cyborg, what do you know about Raven's personal life?"
"If she doesn't want to talk about it, then I don't want to talk about it. I respect that."
"But, dude, you're talking to me," Beastboy insisted, thumping a hand against his chest. "It's not like I don't already know."
In bafflement, Cyborg turned his two-toned- human brown and electric red- gaze upon him. "How do you know anything that goes on between me and Raven?"
"You and Raven? Uh, don't you mean me and Raven?"
"No, I mean me and Raven!" Cyborg declared angrily, bounding to his feet. "She and I went to the race track Wednesday night! And I kissed her!"
"I don't think so!" shouted Beastboy, suddenly tempted to turn into a lion and pounce on the half-robot half-man. "We went to the movies yesterday! And I kissed her!"
"Did your brain finally rot from all that tofu you eat? You couldn't have gone to the movies yesterday. She said she was meditating!"
"No, dude! She meditated on Wednesday, the same night your circuits broke down and caused you to hallucinate-"
Abruptly, they stopped as realization took hold.
"Raven's been cheating on me!" Cyborg exclaimed, horrified.
"No!" Beastboy exclaimed. "Raven's been cheating on me!"
Moments later, the noise of whatever Starfire and Robin were doing in the bathroom- which clearly involved the absence of a towel- became inaudible as a scuffle broke out in the main room. A ball of green fur and metal fists rolled along a path of chaos, claiming as its victims the sofa and rack which held Beastboy's CD collection. Finally, Beastboy shouted, "There's only one way to settle this!"
"Oh, yeah? What's that, hairball?" demanded Cyborg.
"Make Raven choose. And I know she's going to pick the more handsome one."
"If you mean your brainless self, you haven't looked in the mirror lately! Or maybe they've just all cracked before you had the chance!"
The violence spread into the kitchenette, where the refrigerator met its untimely doom.
"Azarath metrion zinthos. Azarath metrion zinthos. Azarath…"
No good. What Raven needed was to focus upon her dilemma, not clear her mind of it. Sighing, she allowed her body to gently float down to her bed and remained seated in the lotus position as she pondered.
She hoped that Beastboy and Cyborg had resumed their video game after she left or that if they had compared notes they had gotten three instead of four in putting together two and two. They could distract easily and sometimes were that dense. Yet intuition warned her that she was not so lucky and that soon she would be summoned to diffuse a crisis situation.
Her actions hadn't been fair to either of the boys, she knew, yet she could not convince herself to take possession of any blame. She was a creature of duality, her mindscape one of passion and irrationality yet her decisions formed from cool logic. Neither heart nor head perceived anything wrong with this triangle, especially if it could become equilateral.
A ringing like the boom of a mammoth gong resounded as her door was pounded by a cybernetic fist. With a wave of her hand and a slight application of her magic, Raven willed the portal to open, admitting Cyborg and Beastboy to bluster into her room.
"Moment of truth, Raven," Cyborg insisted, pointing a finger at her. "Tell this one-man freak show which of us you really want."
"Yeah," Beastboy seconded. "Let this oversized iPod know you prefer a real man."
"Real man? You don't even spend half the day as man!"
Idiots, she thought. They ought to be angry with her for dating both of them at the same time, yet instead they fought with each other.
"So, you want me to choose between you," she said, her tone as dry as ever.
"Not really much of a choice, if you ask me," Beastboy replied.
"That's why nobody asked you!" declared Cyborg.
Rolling her eyes, she remarked, "Such maturity from each of you. How ever is a girl to decide."
That shut them up. The two men dropped their fists and stared at her for several moments. Then, somewhat calmer, Beastboy said, "You have to decide. You can't string us along like this."
"How can I choose? Whoever I pick, the other will resent him. That will ruin your friendship," said Raven. "And I like you both equally. You compliment me in different ways. Cyborg, you're dedicated and passionate. Beastboy, you're sensitive and caring. Furthermore, you two compliment each other in ways that I don't compliment either of you."
"What are you saying?" asked Beastboy. "That we have to share you?"
"That's not cool, Raven," argued Cyborg.
"Not it's not," she agreed. "Not unless I'm sharing you as well."
"Huh?" the two male Titans questioned.
After a deep breath, Raven inquired, "Guys… how certain are you of your heterosexuality?"
"Cyborg, is that your finger?"
"It is not a finger."
"Oh. Sorry. When you can change sizes, you sometimes loose sense of how big certain body parts-"
"Beastboy, shut up. And, Raven, stop laughing!"
Having just left the bathroom- less clean than when he had entered, but nonetheless satisfied with what he had done in there- Robin stared at the door to Raven's bedroom and said, "I don't even want to know what's going on in there."
"I only can say," Starfire answered sagely, "it is about time."