Disclaimer and A/N: Just something to satisfy my fluff craving. Sess/Kag just can't have fluff like a good ol' Inu/Kag can. Though I don't read Inu/Kag, I do love it, and so I will go against my thoughts and write it. Just a little 'InuYasha discovers her feelings' OneShot…nothing fancy. Just WAFF.
And lyrics. This isn't a songfic, but I chose to randomly disperse bits of songs I think fit their relationship. Don't mind em, you don't have to read them, but I think they set tones. This will be a testament to my varying musical tastes. XD
If you know where I got the title, you get a cookie. XD And my love. -hearts-
Note: I am aware of … erm … recent Manga developments (no spoiling here ) so if you in fact are NOT, you should not read this, because it is mentioned. It's a rather large spoiler. It regained my until now lost respect for said person.
It's Up That I Fell
Heaven knows that you're with me now
And I'll do my best to hold on
Because nothing is worth all this fighting now
And I wont give up until its gone
Make it go away, go away
Cuz it only hurts when you cry
I'm only sad when there's tears in your eyes
I can lie and say I'm fine
But only hurts when you cry
Kagome's screams could be heard for miles around, every craven creature within its range running for cover. Birds flew out of range of the fury even in the dark night, small beings burrowed, larger ones moved on to greener pastures, so to speak. Such was the extent of the sound of a woman scorned.
And scorned she was. Her face was flushed red, her hair in disarray, pained tears fell unchecked down her cheeks, and all her anger and outrage was pointed to one inarticulate hanyou. Now, it wasn't that said hanyou was not intelligent, but even after nearly three years in the modern girl's company he seemed to have yet to figure anything out about dealing with women. Or people. Or animals. Or, well, anything sentient.
A hanyou's life is a lonely one, and InuYasha was no different. His mother had been swept away in an illness when he was still very young, leaving a pre-pubescent boy to fend for himself in a world where he was scorned. It had not been a good life, and animosity was obvious to grow from such treatment.
All that had changed in the recent years. Even in his time with Kikyou, he had been required to change to be seen as anything more than an inferior being. While he had loved the miko, and she him, it was not a love true enough for the tests of time, even without Naraku's interference. He saw this now. Even as friends, something would have torn them apart. The trust wasn't there, nor was acceptance. Even if he had become human, he eventually would have grown to resent the decision and the one who suggested it in the first place.
Kagome's deafening arrival into his life had changed a lot of things. He was finally accepted as he was, and her approval moved others in droves to accept him as well. Her countless defenses of him; rowdy villagers, incensed holy men…all of them cowered before the Miko no Shikon. Because of her trust, her friendship he now had a family, a home. Sure, both were abnormal to say the least, but it was belonging nonetheless. Something the hanyou had never even hoped to find before her. Kagome.
Perhaps it would be helpful to explain why the puppy-eared hanyou was currently cowering in shame and fear of a ningen girl. It had been a slow build to a oft-repeated outcome, but today was just a little different…
There's part of me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show
Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly, I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up, I won't let you down
I won't leave you falling…if that moment ever comes
Morning dawned over the merry band of shard hunters, this morning like any other. Sounds of hand-meets-face and indignant shouts were commonplace within the tightly-knit group. The couple had been married two weeks, but old habits die hard and Sango still dealt out her own brand of corporal punishment and her unwitting husband still twitched on the forest floor with a grin on his face. Kagome was busy preparing everyone's favorite fare (Ramen, of course), and Shippou and Kirara made themselves scarce.
This morning was just a little different in one very large way - this was the groups first outing since Naraku's defeat. Finally. Over two years of fighting, deaths, and destruction and they had finally attained it - freedom. For themselves, for their lives, for the lives of all Japan.
A month had now passed full of healing from battle and celebration, and there were still a few shards out there - in a last ditch effort, Naraku had begun 'sharing' his shards with lesser youkai in hopes of defeating his adversaries. All this lead to was an easier triumph for the Inu-tachi, because he had been spreading his power.
Now they were out in search of the rouge oni that had been bestowed the shards, and they were all happy to be back out on the trail together without a timetable hanging over their heads. Well, the schedule was gone for everyone except for a certain hanyou.
"Are you guys taking long enough or what? Dawn was ages ago!" InuYasha snorted, his arms crossed over his chest.
"InuYasha," Kagome said with a sigh, "There is no rush now. Naraku is gone, remember? Well timed Kongou-Bakryuuha and Hama no Ya to the chest? Let us at least sleep in past the crack of dawn," she said irritably, her eyes narrowing more with every word she spoke.
"Keh!" he protested, his own eyes narrowing right back, "Stupid humans."
"Then go yourself, InuYasha. We all have better things to do than listen to you be ungrateful," Sango chimed, still grumpy from her rude awakening.
"Like what? What could be more important?"
"InuYasha, my friend, calm down. As Kagome-sama so kindly pointed out, we are no longer in any rush. If so chosen, she could be at home tending to her studies, and Sango and I could be working to produce many, many offspring…" the no-longer monk (though he still wore his robes on a daily basis) was cut off with a death glare from his wife, and simply grinned.
InuYasha chose to ignore the ecchi priest and turned his glower to Kagome, "You want to go home, huh?" he sneered.
"No, InuYasha. I should, but I chose to stay here this week. Onegai, don't make me regret it," she pleaded, her eyes shining brightly up at her best friend.
His gaze softened a bit and he sighed, "Fine, whatever, but hurry up with the Ramen, wench."
InuYasha ignored her protests to his language, and pounced back into his tree, scowling off to seemingly nowhere. He hated that look. Blast whatever Kami bestowed women and children with the ability to use it! Then again, Shippou using it never did a damned thing to him, so it must just be her. He scoffed inwardly, his scowl on the outside deepening. Love does funny things to even the most coarse of beings.
Love. Yes, he loved the wench, and he freely admitted it. To himself. In a whisper. Never louder, for fear he might actually be tempted to say it aloud. Which was something he most certainly would never do. It wasn't fear, per say, it was simply an unwillingness to destroy the now solid friendship they had formed over the years.
He wondered silently when he had started to love her. It had begun long ago, grudgingly, probably before even Shippou had graced them with his annoying self. It was not a sudden epiphany, more a slow burn that added more and more kindling as time went on. Kikyou's revival and subsequent meetings with the undead miko certainly threw proverbial wrenches in the works, but it had never extinguished the love and fierce loyalty the girl had inspired within him.
Kikyou's ultimate and true death had been hard on him. Then again, how could it not be, watching the woman you had pinned so much on die in your arms? She had symbolized so much to him. Hope was the biggest. She had been the first being in his long years to give him real hope for the future, and make him think that maybe, just maybe he deserved something more.
After her resurrection and subsequent several 'deaths', he had begun to come to terms with the differences between what they had in the past and what the had at the current time. Sure, he still loved her…when you began to love someone, you just didn't stop. But the love had aged and faded, graceful like a dried blossom. It was still in perfect condition, but only a memory of what once had been, like one of Kagome's fo-toes.
It was duty that tied him to her in the months after her return, not love. The love he felt for Kikyou was for her loving soul, the comrade he had found in a lonely world, not the reanimated grave soil that housed so many ill feelings. But his affection for what had once been, as well as his responsibility to keep her safe led to many problems, the worst of all being her final rest.
It had been nice to finally be able to give her peace, though. To watch as the souls escape as she scattered to the wind, having finally said goodbye properly. It had weighed on him for a while, but even that had faded.
In the aftermath of it, the slow burn he had felt for the nearly year prior became an inferno, his heart no longer laden with guilt. And as his affections for Kagome grew to something he had never before felt, it only solidified the knowledge that he could never ever tell her. Sure, they argued, but it was usually his own damned fault. Was it so wrong that he enjoyed seeing her turn colors and the faces she would make before his inevitable meeting with the ground?
But beyond those arguments was the most pure and real friendship he had never dared to imagine. They trusted one another with their lives, and could be content just in being in the presence of the other in silence. He couldn't give her up for anything, not even the jewel. She wanted him to stay a hanyou? Fine. Done. He didn't care. If it kept her by his side, that's all that mattered. Because could he really imagine life without her?
No, he would never tell her how he felt, but he was just content to bask in the warmth of her company, and hold onto her with everything he had. He would bring her the moon, if she asked it, just to see her smile.
"InuYasha?" her voice broke through his reverie, and he turned his head down to meet with smiling blue eyes. He rose an eyebrow to show he was listening, "Ramen's done."
"Well, wench? Gimme!" he spouted, a bit embarrassed she had discovered him daydreaming.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl
Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy…I'm not that girl
Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in
Kagome trudged grudgingly after InuYasha, sore already after only a half day of walking. The spring rains made the worn dirt road soggy, and a midday drizzle had only hindered progress more. She wanted a bath. And a nap. Maybe someone to cuddle with? She cast a secret smile at the hanyou in front of her.
She shook her head clear of such thoughts. Long ago she had accepted her fate as 'friend'. Now she simply followed him dutifully, ignoring the pangs in her heart when he would look at her in that way, when he would have a soft moment with her. Not that they came often.
Kagome was not such a fool as one might think. Sure, she had gone through a year of love-sick pining after her knight in fire-rat robes, but she had quickly realized how harmful it could be in the long run. To continue on as she had would only serve to destroy the ever-tenuous friendship they had built. The friendship itself was not weak, mind you, but the way they went about it was.
Kami, but what would he say if he were to find out? She would certainly never again be allowed to sleep within the tree boughs with him, which she had been allowed a total of seven times when she was having nightmares…okay, so one was put-on, but she had really wanted to sleep with him that night…it was cold, darnit! He would never again come to her for the embraces she so craved, though those were so sporadic she might as well ignore them. But mostly, he would never again open to her, tell her his thoughts and hopes, something he had been doing more and more often in the prior half year.
Their friendship was adamantine, but the relations between them were as brittle as a dried leaf. And she could not…would not…risk that for all the love in the world. Of course, she didn't stop loving him, if anything she loved him more now than she ever did, but she now was able to suppress it. She buried her love under platonic affection and gentle, caring smiles, never letting it see the light of day for fear of an explosion.
No one ever told Kagome what happens when you bottle emotions.
But today was not turning out well. InuYasha seemed crabby, Sango was silent, Miroku was lost in his own (likely ero) thoughts, and Shippou was fast asleep in her arms. She was bored and tired, and didn't know how much longer she could stand it without some reprieve.
"What do you want?" he sighed. She knew he knew what she was going to ask.
"Can we stop for a bit by this stream, please?" she pointed off the roadway to a very small but pleasant looking meandering stream, "This day is bringing down everyone, a break would help to brighten us, I bet!"
"Keh!" was the usual response, but even her silver-haired inuhanyou knew the day was simply dragging. An unusual quick agreement came, and Kagome jumped happily, leaping forward to hug her friend. His arm slipped around her and his nose lowered to her hair for a moment before both froze, rather self-consciously aware of their position. With pounding hearts they shot backwards, laughing uneasily and retiring onto some conveniently placed flat boulders on the stream's edge.
Kagome laid down and watched the clouds pass, trying to still her frantically beating heart. In those little moments she left like she could fly, like nothing else in the world mattered but to be in his arms for but a moment. But those moments always ended.
'Baka,' she thought with annoyance to herself, 'I need to stop letting myself be affected this way.'
Reality was a harsh mistress, but one everyone was party to it. And so she accepted her reality, unrequited love and all.
Through the darkness, I can see your light
And you will always shine and I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized, I've idolized just you
I look up to everything you are, in my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long and after all is said and done
You're still you, after all, you're still you
Kagome groaned as they were finally settling for the night, her shoulders aching from a long day of carrying a certain pudgy kitsune. 'Note: Bring back less Pocky.' she mused with a silent giggle. She loved the little one like her own child, but constant rides wore on her muscles. InuYasha went out to hunt for meat for dinner and left the girl to her thoughts.
Currently they were, as usual, on the hunter-of-dinner. No matter how gruff he acted, he cared deeply for their tight-knit little group, and took care of them proportionally. He protected them, made sure they stayed supplied with food, and though he complained about it constantly they always got enough rest. Relaxation? Maybe not, but rest, surely. She closed her eyes and she could see how he'd looked when she'd asked to stop for the night, that mock-angry scowl with the soft, caring eyes. So contradicting…so InuYasha.
She sat beside the fire, rubbing her own tired joints and snickering as Miroku pulled Sango into the forest for a little 'sojourn'. Apparently he was serious about conceiving as soon as humanly possible, even without the threat of his Kazaana. Her giggle turned into a soft smile, which evolved into a wistful sigh. Would she ever have that?
In her own time, she had begun to attempt to move on. She had even accepted several dates with the still persistent Hojou. Over two and a half years later and he still hadn't given up hope on his 'dream girl'. She found herself bored to death on every one though…somehow, living in this age she just couldn't go back so much anymore. Once you've battled demons, conquered evil, and fallen for a brash but lovable hanyou, mortal modern boys just didn't cut it.
But she gave Hojou a chance, deciding someone was better than no one. Sure, it was cruel to lead him on, but she had told him from the start that she wasn't up for anything serious. She just needed to see if she even could move on. It wasn't looking promising.
Their fourth date was coming up soon…Kagome pulled out her notebook from her bag to check the date just as Sango and Miroku came back a little disheveled from their retreat into the foliage. Kagome smiled at them and turned the pages, when colorful curses broke from her lips, learned from too much time with a certain red-robed boy.
"What is it, Kagome-chan?" Sango inquired, her eyes large and blinking at the string of words that had come out of the miko's mouth.
"Oh, Kami, I forgot I have a date with Hojou day after tomorrow…and I doubt we'll be back in time."
She didn't notice the return of the hanyou, but heard the skinned and prepped rabbits hit the floor. Her eyes went wide just as his rant began, "Hell no we won't be back in time! And what's a date, anyway? I think you told me about that before…"
"Oh, nothing, you know," she said with a laugh, waving her hand in the air.
"Nothing?" Shippou asked, canting his head slightly, "I thought you said it was like courting?"
Kagome cringed and glared at the fox, his own eyes widening on realization of what he had said in front of InuYasha. Said boy's face was now the color of his robes, and steam could almost be seen shooting out of his ears.
"Oh, well, gods forbid I keep you from that with Hobo," he spat, his nostrils flaring, "I'll take you back tomorrow."
"No, no, it's okay, InuYasha."
"Keh! You don't have to lie, I'll take you back home to your Jojo, don't worry."
Kagome was on her feet now, toe to toe with the hanyou with fire in her eyes, "I said I don't want you to take me back."
"And I said I was gonna anyway!"
"I don't want to!"
"Obviously you do! Its not like we need you here!"
Kagome breath sucked in harshly and her face colored, the telltale sting of tears ready to fall, "Well if I'm not needed maybe I WILL go home, then!"
"Good riddance! You're useless anyway, why would I want you here!" he regretted the words as soon as they fell from his unthinking mouth, and cowered instantly under the angry and hurt glare she gave.
"BAKAAA!" she screamed, the scream echoing.
"K-Kagome, come on, I didn't mean it…" he said quickly, his hands waving wildly in front of him.
"You stupid JERK! I'm useless, am I? Why don't I just go home for good then, huh? You don't need me, after all!"
InuYasha's temper flared once more and he stood to his feet, "FINE! Not like I care! Go 'date' your Hoho! He's obviously more important than us anyway!"
"LIKE HELL!" she screeched, "I have given up everything to be here! I don't even want to date Hojo!"
"Yeah, and whys that?" he screamed back, his nose practically touching hers.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU INSENSITIVE BAKA!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
Dead silence filled the clearing, jaws unhinged. Kagome's hands flew to her mouth with realization and she stumbled back several steps before falling onto her backside, "No no no! I did NOT just yell that!" she said to herself, her head shaking emphatically.
With one last glance at the stunned InuYasha she sprung to her feet and charged into the forest, uncaring of the branches that whipped at her face and tore her clothes.
"Well, that could have gone better," Miroku muttered, earning a glare from his wife.
"InuYasha, you have to go after her," Sango said softly, but her tone left no room for argument.
"Wh…wha…huh?" InuYasha sputtered, still standing frozen.
A sharp pain on his ear alerted him to Shippou's teeth clamped onto them, "She loves you, idiot! Now she's in the forest all alone without her bow! Who knows what might happen to her?" he wailed around mouthfuls of the fuzzy appendage.
InuYasha didn't even move to pull the runt off, his eyes still wide, "She…loves…me?"
"Yes, bakayarou!" Sango yelled, "Kami, we've been telling you for how many years!"
"I…thought…" he shook his head and tore into the forest without another word, Shippou flying off his head.
"Adults are really lame," Shippou chirped, getting a mewl of agreement from Kirara.
And if there's no tomorrow
And all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
You're all the love I need somehow
Its like a dream, although I'm not asleep
I never want to wake up, don't lose it, don't leave it
Go on, go on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, till I can't deny this lovin' feeling
Make me long for your kiss
Kagome collapsed against the roots of a particularly old maple, its purple blossoms in full bloom. Her sobs had become to much for her and forced her to crumple, lost in her own misery. Why had she been so stupid? How could she have said that? Like that? It was bad enough to admit her feelings, something she had decided never to do, but to scream them so loudly, in anger, and with everyone around? She was mortified and broken.
She didn't raise her head as she heard noises from a distance, she figured if it was her time she would go. And she especially did not raise her head when she recognized the youki was not of some hell-bent mononoke for the Shikon, but of her hanyou. When he stopped behind her she choked out, "I don't want to hear it, just go away."
"Kagome…" he said gently, crouching down beside her now dirty sobbing form.
"Don't!" she yelled, still not looking him in the eye, "Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it. Want me to go home? Fine. But don't say it, I can't take it."
"That isn't what I was going to say," he said tenderly, his clawed hand hooking under her chin.
(1)," she said, looking into his eyes as her tears continued to
Especially when they are in pity. Don't."
"Why would you think I pitied you?"
She laughed dryly, breaking from his hold and standing, dashing away her tears and flailing her arms, "Look at me! I'm nearly eighteen years old and still pining away after the same boy after nearly three years! I can't move on with my damned life, I can't give up!"
He stood as well, shaking his head, "Years?"
She didn't care anymore, it wasn't like he didn't know. She would just get Kirara to take her home and away from the mortification when she got back to camp, "Yes, damnit, years. Remember when I told you I would always stay with you? That was the day I knew that I…," she choked out, her sobs renewing, "And I can't make it stop! No matter how many times I told myself it was impossible, no matter how many times I saw you with Kikyou, it wouldn't stop. Why, why won't it stop?" she sobbed, crashing to her knees again in heartbreak.
She felt his arms go around her and didn't react, she just sobbed until she felt she couldn't breathe anymore. When she finally regained herself she pushed out of his arms and stood, drying her tears on her sleeves, "I'm going to ask Sango if Kirara can take me home, I'll save you the humiliation of having me here."
InuYasha watched, stricken as she began to walk away and shook his head vehemently. No way in hell she was getting away from him! He grabbed her wrist and tugged hard, sending her careening off balance into his chest and awaiting arms, "Stupid girl," he said softly, stroking her hair, "Where do you think you're going?"
She struggled against him, "Let me go…nothing you can say can fix this! Just let me be alone."
"Then saying is out of the question…" he said softly and she looked up at him in question, only having a moment for her eyes to widen before his lips met hers brazenly, his hand no longer stroking her hair and instead holding her to him.
She was shocked beyond movement, but he didn't relent, nipping lightly at her lips and flicking his tongue against them. When the staggering awe finally wore off she returned the kiss with ardor, pushing her entire being into a fevered, dueling kiss.
They broke apart panting, and InuYasha grinned down at her, "Hey, wench?"
She growled and glared at him, "Why, you!"
"I love you," he said softly, his nose rubbing affectionately against her cheek.
Her eyes overflowed again, but the tears this time were happy, "I..I love you too, InuYasha," she whispered, clinging to him for dear life.
A/N: WAFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYY…..sorry, I needed a pointless fluff fix. Not that this was entirely pointless….because I can't write ANYTHING without mounds of backstory. XP I'm a nerd. Hope you enjoyed Katie's Fluff-fest. Now, to go back to writing 'HPHPTF'…and trying to perfect its lemon. -le sigh-
(1) "Sweet words only please a fool." - a Japanese proverb.