Okay everyone...this is the first think Michelle and I have written in forever. I know it's sad. And I know it's not H/G in the end. But please be kind and review. Thanks a bunch. :D
P.S.This fic was inspired by the song Unfaithful by Rihanna.
Every morning I put on a mask when I'm standing there putting on my makeup. It doesn't just cover my face it covers my secret. On the outside, my life is perfect, but there are some things my makeup just can't cover.
This morning, Harry comes in while I'm brushing my teeth. He glances at me. He doesn't have to say anything. I know he knows. He's always known. How could he not? When you love a person, you notice everything. And I suppose I'd always known I couldn't hide it from him. He knows me better than I know myself, so how could I? I finish my makeup and walk into the kitchen. My breakfast is on the table like always. Sometimes I wonder why he bothers with the small things. Maybe he thinks it will change things. Maybe he wants it to change things. But no matter how hard he wants it, I know he knows it won't.
Harry comes out of the bedroom and sits down at the table.
"Your Mum called." he says looking up at me. "She wants to know what our plans for the wedding are so far."
I nod not really hearing him. He doesn't sound excited, and I know he's not. Same thing happens every morning; and it continues. We make small talk in hope to skirt the bigger issue. But my Mum is so excited. She doesn't even see that there is a problem. A big problem. A platinum blond problem. My brothers probably know. You can't grow up with people and then expect them to not notice changes in your life, your friends...your loves. I'm sure Bill knows. He knows everything. Ron knows. He and Harry are close. And I can feel the betrayed gaze around him. He knows I'm unfaithful to his best friend.
I finish my breakfast and clear my plate. I take Harry's for him. He smiles weakly, and stands, coming up behind me at the sink. He kisses my cheek and puts his hands on my waist.
"I'll be home late." he tells me.
I know he stays late so he doesn't have to see me leave. It makes things easier this way...even if it hurts more. I nod in response.
"I'll be out late with the girls tonight" I say turning to face him. What a great fiancé I am. Lying to his face. I see the hurt in his eyes. "Okay," he replies. I know I didn't have to lie, but if I pretend to cover it up, I feel slightly less guilty. Slightly. I wish he wouldn't look at me the way he does. It would be so much easier if he didn't love me. It would be so much easier if I didn't love Him...and by Him, I don't mean Harry. I slip away from Harry and grab my bag. As I walk out the door, I look back, and his head is in his hands. I feel a bit of him die. I know I can't keep doing this to him. This needs to stop. I just don't know how to make it.
I take the underground to work. It helps me clear my head. Plus, there's no Rita skeeter lurking in the corner. My job is nothing special. Just a desk job. My co-workers are nothing special. Dull. Like my job. I work all day. Nothing takes my mind off the look in Harry's eyes this morning. I put my last file away and I sigh. Now starts the lying.
I leave work, like I do everyday. But I don't go home. I go to Him. I slip in the back door of his building and take the back stairs. When I reach his door, I don't even have to knock. He knows when to expect me. I follow Him in, and we don't speak. He can see the pain in my eyes. He knows what I need. But He never says it. I can see it in His eyes. I wish he would say it. But I agreed when this all started. No strings attached. There's nothing meaningful here. Just sex. That's what I tell myself. He's nothing like Harry. Harry is noble. Harry would want to talk. Harry loves me...and I love him. I'm just not in love with him.
Everyone always says that but you never understand until you can compare the two. And while it sounds confusing, it's all tooo perfectly clear to me. It's so clear who I should be with...but who knows if he wants to be with me. He confuses me more than Harry does. He's so sharp and strong... he arouses me. He invigorates me. He makes me feel alive. But Harry... Harry is reliable. He's noble. I know where we stand. I feel safe with Harry. I know Harry loves me. But here I lay with Him. He traces patterns on my shoulder, as we lay tangled in his green satin sheets. And despite the mind-blowing sex we just had, I can't stop thinking about Harry. And I don't know what to do. I could just break it off right now and go back to Harry. But I don't want to. I don't need Harry. Everyone thinks I do, but I don't and Harry knows it.
He knows I'm unfaithful. And he stays. Because he loves me. He loves me. And I'm going to break his heart
I get up and put my clothes on. He looks at me, but I don't return his look. I walk toward the door. He follows. He grabs my arm and spins me around.
"Stay?" he asks.
"I have to go," I say, unable to meet his gaze. "Harry's expecting me."
His face clouds over.
"Go." He tells me
"but-" I start to say.
He lets go of me.
I'm so torn.
I have no idea where to go.
He's pushing me away. And I'm pushing Harry.
I don't take the underground home. I walk. It's really not that far but by the time I get home, I feel like I've walked across the world. I don't take the lift. I walk up three flights of stairs. Just to stare at my door. I stand there, dreading going in, my keys in my hand. I can't do it. I can't face him.
So I turn around. I begin to leave. I hear my name but I keep on walking. Tears finally falling. I walk back toward his house. Away from Harry. I know without turning around he's following me. I stop and turn and look at him. I take a deep breath. Preparing to lie.
"What's wrong?" He asks, knowing the answer.
"Bad day at work." A lie I didn't need to tell.
He doesn't call me on my lie. He never does. I don't think he believes I'll leave him. I tell him I'll be back in an hour. That I'm going on a walk. He nods. I turn around. He watches me go. I walk to the bus stop in front of His building. Harry's long since gone. I can't bring myself to go in. I hate living this lie. I feel a stare on my back. I'm afraid to turn around. I wish I knew which one of them it is. I turn around slowly, bracing myself even though I know nothing can brace me for what's about to happen. It's not Harry. I breathe again.
It's dark now and his pale skin stand out boldly against the blackness. He reaches for me, and I let him. I fall against him and I can't stop the tears. He holds me. Just holds me. And I let him. This is the first time he's held me in public.
He pulls back and looks at me.
"This was supposed to just be sex." he remarks casually.
"It's not anymore. Is it?" His grey eyes narrowed.
I shake my head.
"No, it's not." I say quietly.
I know what I have to do. I look at him. He answers my unasked question.
"I'll be there for you."
"Thanks," I whisper into his shirt. He wraps his arms around me and I feel safe again. I pull from his grasp, knowing if I don't go now. I never will.
"I'll be back," I promise.
"I should hope so." He says, giving me a small smirk.
I try to return it, but I'm too nervous. I turn and leave.
I walk back to Harry for the last time.
I sense he sees the difference in me. I look at him. Really look at him for the first time in a long time. I walk toward him.
He doesn't try to hold me.
"I can't do this anymore," I tell him.
He doesn't speak for what seems like hours.
"I know." He says. his voice breaks.
I run my hands up his arms. He shivers.
"Don't," he whispers hoarsely.
"I'm sorry," I tell him.
A tear falls down his face. I've never seen Harry cry before.
Seeing him in pain makes me want to take it all back, but I know if I do, I'll only hurt him more.
"I'm sorry, Harry," I repeat.
I hope he knows I really am. I should never have let it get this far.
"I guess this is goodbye then," He says, after clearing his throat.
"Yes," I whisper.
"I'll pack your stuff for you.." He says. After a pregnant pause he finishes... "I know where to send it."
He continues. "I really did love you."
"Oh Harry..." I say.
He stops me. "I just hope your happy now." There isn't resentment or hostility; just sadness
"I will be." I say. I turn to leave. "I'll see you Harry." And I leave.
For the first time in a long time, I feel free.
I walk back to Him.
I go in the front door.
And I take the lift.
He's waiting outside his door.
He sees me and smiles nervously.
I run to him.
I jump to him. He carries me to the bedroom.
And sometime later...when he thinks I'm asleep, he whispers the three words I've been waiting to hear. And I know I've made the right decision.
-lain and missie