Draco Malfoy carefully crept around the small house he'd been observing diligently since early morning. The rain, though cold and slightly irritating, was rather convenient as it disguised any and all sounds he made as he crept closer to the building to get a better vantage point for his spying.

He was quite interested in the slight figure toiling away at the base of one of the large windows. Potter had been out there almost as long as Draco, at first Draco had been surprised to realize the boy would even be awake at such an ungodly hour but it soon became clear that he wasn't out there by choice.

Potter hadn't moved much other than to add another small weed to the growing pile laying on the grass behind him. The small Gryffindor froze when the door to the house opened and the largest pig Draco had ever seen waddled out the door. The only feature identifying the grotesque creature as human was the thin sheet of piss yellow hair plastered to the sweaty forhead and the disturbingly tight fitting clothing the poor excuse for a human had managed to squeeze himself into.

The boy made sure to stay on the porch under the protection of the awning while he teased his cousin. Draco couldn't hear what he was saying, not with the thundering rain. So he crept closer, making sure to stay just out of sight of the other two boys.

"You done yet, freak?" The boy asked in a high nasal voice. "I'm hungry!"

Draco stared at the boy dubiously, how could someone so...fat...possibly be hungry? Harry, sitting on the wet grass in a soggy grey outfit sighed heavily, his whole body drooping in defeat.

Draco fully expected him to snap at the other boy, tell him to go make his own food, but he did nothing of the sort. Potter rose slowly to his feet, the water seeming to weigh him down as he trudged his way up the frost steps. Draco's eyebrows jumped into his hair and his jaw dropped as Harry went into the house without so much as a token protest, his porky cousin trailing behind him with a smug grin on his face.

Before Draco could even properly wrap his brilliant mind around what he had just seen a shriek like a dying cat rose from inside the house, loud enough to drowned out the thunder raging outside. Draco jumped, his eyes widening as he raced over to a window to peek inside.

Sadly there was no dying cat in site but Potter's aunt was standing in the doorway pointing a spindly finger at the young wizard. "What do you think you are doing!" She demanded in a shrill voice, "Your getting water all over my nice clean floor! Out!"

Before the woman's banshee cry had died down the little blond blob started wailing, "BUT MUM! I'm hungry!"

Imediately the woman rushed to the boy's side and started cooing over him, "Oh, my poor sweet diddy-dums. Of course your hungry. Dinner will be done soon." Then she turned on Harry with an eagle's focus, "Isn't that right boy! Go get changed and then into the kitchen with you!"

"Yes aunt Petunia." Potter said dully as he trudged towards the stairs, his cousin snickering behind him.

Draco stood gaping in the window as Petunia (what kind of weird name was that anyway?) coddled her lump of a son. A few moments later the woman vanished back into the other room and Dudley was left alone, Draco wasted no time in drawing his wand, a smirk on his lips and a devious glint in his eyes. "What a baby." He hissed before waving his wand in a delicate circle, flicking it out and up before slipping it back in his robes.

This little venture was getting more and more interesting.


As interesting as torturing Potter's muggle family was Draco was on a mission and in order to finish that mission Draco needed to find out where Potter had stashed his sword, so he crept around, peeking in every window until he finally found him.

And find him he did.

Standing in front of the window, silhouetted by the light coming from the room was a lithe figure, his arms stretched over his head where he was currently removing the rag he called a shirt. Draco raked his eyes over the boy's thin figure he knew exactly what that seeker's body looked like. Could picture it in his mind as if it had happened yesterday. Could feel the soft lips graze over his ever so slightly...

Potter dropped the shirt on the floor and his hands moved down to undo his trousers before pushing them down those sinfully long legs. His mouth went dry as Potter bent over, his soaked boxers leaving no room for imagination as they stretched over those taught perfect globes...

Then Potter moved away from the window and Draco was left staring blankly up at Potter's room, his heart thundering in his chest and his own trousers a bit tighter than they had been moments before.


Potter had just returned to the window, now properly clothed in a new drab outfit when a horror filled scream echoed up the stairs.

Draco's smirk turned into an all out grin as he dashed back to his first position just outside the downstairs living room window. Petunia was shrieking up a storm but the best part was still sitting dumbly in the center of the room, exactly where Draco had left him.

He could hear Potter's feet padding quickly down the stairs before he froze upon the threshold. Potter's wide green eyes seemed to get even bigger as he took in the spectacle his cousin was making standing in nothing but a diaper in the middle of the living room in full view of the window apparently suckling at a bright pink binky.

Potter slapped his hands over his mouth, as if to stop himself from bursting out laughing, but the movement seemed to attract the boy's deranged aunt who rounded on him with the ferocity of a dragon.

A very ugly dragon.

"You think this is funny, do you boy? I wont tolerate your freakishness in my house, just wait until your uncle gets home!" As if her words had summoned him a car pulled into the drive outside.

Draco just barely ducked out of the line of the headlights as the car skidded to a stop and a monster of a man and what looked to be his female twin climbed out into the rain, snapping open two garish yellow umbrellas and stomping towards the house.

Draco watched them go with a confounded look on his face, his jaw hanging open and his eyes as wide as saucers. How was it even possible to be so...so...

Draco didn't even have a word in his vocabulary to begin to describe the sheer magnitude of the couple's obesity. It was alarming.

He turned as the entered the building, popping his head back up enough to glimpse the goings on inside. Potter's aunt quietly informed her purple faced husband what had happened, placing the blame squarely on the black haired waif living in their house.

The man stood fuming for a few long moments before he erupted.

That man had a voice on him.

Dursley was so loud that any words he was actually saying were completely lost in the cacophony of sound spewing forth from him. He was so incensed that his belly wiggled around threateningly with each breath he took, and when he yelled the wiggling became downright violent.

The woman Dursley had arrived with crossed her arms over her chest, squishing her breasts in a completely unbecoming fashion and spoke with an air of authority that only an older sibling used to being listened to and obeyed possessed.

Her words were soft spoken but seemed to calm the man's rage to a manageable level. Then she turned her attention to Potter and before Draco even knew what was happening the black haired boy was rushing out the door and back into the rain.

Draco dropped back down quickly, and sighed in a relief when Potter didn't seem to notice he was there.

Harry Potter was currently inside being lectured at length about how it was bad to turn his cousin into a girl. That was a little bit of magic Draco was particularly proud of (even if Potter was getting credit for it.)

Perfect. Draco could get in, get his sword, and get back out before Potter came back inside.

The Slytherin cast a brief glance at the tree growing next to the house, in the perfect position to climb through the window. He quickly dismissed the idea. Malfoys do not climb trees. He would walk in confidently; like the pureblooded wizard he was.

But he wasn't dumb enough to walk in the front door which was in plain sight to not only Potter but the family reunion going on inside. So Draco did the only reasonable thing and crept around to the back of the house where he had noticed there was another door.

He straightened up, squared his shoulders and opened the door, which he was a little surprised to find foolishly unlocked then started down the hall like he owned the place.

A moment later he realized his mistake when he could hear footsteps moving in his direction. They were too heavy to be Potter or his aunt or cousin so that left only two possible suspects. A heavy figure lumbered into view, struggling to get through the doorway only to pause upon seeing him standing there. "Vernon!" She bellowed, her voice rocking the very foundation of the house.

Draco sighed in irritation. This would put a damper on his plans.

The fat woman was pushed aside and the man of the house plowed into the room, his eyes, so like his son's, pinned him in place.

"WHO ARE YOU?" The man bellowed at him.

Draco sneered at him, rubbing at his now ringing ears, "I'm Harry's boyfriend." He drawled before he had time to really think it through. He blinked in surprise at his own words, not quite sure where that idea had even come from.

The man gaped at him, flabbergasted, and the goat faced woman standing just inside the room gave an indignant squawk. The cow parading as a woman, on the other hand, seemed strangely pleased with this knowledge, "Didn't I always tell you Vernon, that boy wasn't right in his head? I knew it all along. The sooner you get him out of your house the better, you never .know when it will begin to rub off on Dudley."

Draco narrowed his eyes at the woman, immediate dislike coiling in his stomach "Where's Harry?" He asked. When no one offered an answer he shrugged, "Fine, tell him I'm waiting in his room." That's when he heard the whimpering coming from the dinning room behind him. He couldn't help it, grinning wickedly at the muggles he said, "Oh, and you might want to have someone look at your son, there's no way a habit like that is completely normal. I suspect he's not right in the head." Then he turned on his heel, his cloak whipping behind him impressively as he swept up the stairs.


Harry's room was small, but comfy, he supposed. It didn't take him long to find the sword, it was sitting right above Harry's bed. It shouldn't be too difficult to pry loose.

Draco started across the room with a purposeful gait but paused halfway there at the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

Bloody hell. Could this get any worse?

Not wanting to get caught in his rival's bedroom he dove behind the bed in the couple feet left between the headboard and the wall.

He'd barely hit the ground when the door swung open.



Harry scrambled outside quickly, hoping to escape his uncles ire.

He'd been sent out to collect his Aunt Marge's luggage and her precious pet, but as he was fumbling with the keys his feet got all mixed up and he went flying into the most inconveniently placed mud puddle on the planet.

Grumbling to himself he scrambled up, clutching the keys in a tight fist he trudged to the car, his hand smearing mud on the sh paint as he slammed the key into the hole in the trunk before tugging it open and snatching whatever happened to be inside.

Stumbling under the weight of the three heavy suitcases he made his way over to the back door of the car, smearing more mud as he went. He managed to get the door open but the dog sitting in the back seat launched at him, tackling Harry and sending him sprawling once more into the mud one of the pieces of luggage slammed into him as the other two skidded away in the rain.

Harry lay stunned for a moment simply staring at the cloudy sky before turning a glare on the little fur ball, he wondered if it was somehow related to Malfoy's poodle.

Harry scrambled back to his feet, ignoring the ache in his ribs and the feel of mud sliding down his shirt and gathered all the bags and ushering the little demon into the house, taking great care to skirt around the evil puddle.

When he finally entered the house, panting slightly and dripping wet, he found his family in the hallway, staring at nothing. Uncle Vernon was in a rage, and Aunt Marge looked strangely pleased. Petunia looked plain disgusted. (Harry didn't want to look in the direction of his cousin, that was still far to disturbing for him)

"Here's your things, Aunt Marge." He said politely, hoping to escape without getting yelled at but considering the state her luggage was in it was a futile wish.

At the sound of his voice all three spun to face him, and he couldn't' help but take a step away from them shifting nervously at the looks on their faces, "Your gay?" Uncle Vernon accused his eyes narrowed and face slowly turning an ugly green-purple as if he wasn't sure whether he should be furious or sick.

Harry gaped at him. "Where did you get that idea?" He asked without thinking.

Aunt Petunia opened her mouth to say something, but Aunt Marge beat her too it, "Your boyfriend just stopped by."

"My-my what?" Harry asked, his jaw dropping open, "But I don't have a boyfriend."

Aunt Petunia narrowed her eyes at him, "Don't lie to us, boy. That blond ponce said you were his boyfriend, and that he'd be waiting for you in your room."

"In my room?" Harry squeaked, feeling like a prepubescent parrot. He just couldn't believe he was having this conversation. Blond boy? What blond boy? The only blond boy he could think of was Malfoy. They couldn't be talking about Malfoy, could they? What on earth would Malfoy, of all people, be doing at Privet Drive?

Unless he was here to get his sword back.

But why would he tell Harry's aunt and uncle they were gay-together even?

Harry's mind flashed back to the kiss at Malfoy manor; something he'd been avoiding thinking of at all costs. His face flushed, but Uncle Vernon was speaking again; well, yelling really. "I want him out. You can do whatever you like with whoever you like in that freak school of yours, but you will not bring that filth into my house. Do you hear me?"

Harry stood there for a moment more, the shock giving way to amusement. He couldn't believe Malfoy had told his family they were gay! He stayed there a moment more, but when Vernon looked like he was ready to explode he made a quick escape up the stairs, where he burst out laughing.

Draco Malfoy had told Harry's Aunt and Uncle they were gay. This was almost too ridiculous to be real.

As he made his way up the stairs he stripped off his muddy shirt, tossing it aside after he entered his room. A quick glance around the room revealed that the sword was still in place and Malfoy was no where to be seen.

He was probably hiding. So Harry moved to the most obvious hiding place. The closet.

He swung the door open, fully expecting the blond Slytherin to topple out.

You could say he was a bit disappointed to find it empty save it's usual contents. Exhaling in irritation he turned to survey the room. If Malfoy wasn't in the closet, then where in Merlin's name was he? Did he have an invisibility cloak too, or something?

As Harry pivoted his eye caught a movement near his bed. He did a double take; there was a hand raising from behind this bed, blindly groping at the sword hanging there.

Harry grinned and strode forward. He climbed on his bed and snatched Malfoy's arm by the wrist before his slippery little fingers could find the hilt of the sword.

Draco's blond head snapped up in surprise, silver eyes startled. Harry cocked an eyebrow at him, "Playing hide and seek now are we? Isn't that a bit childish?"

Draco grinned up at him, "You may have caught me, Potter, but by no means have you won."

"Oh, no, Malfoy, I do believe I have won, there's no where for you to run." Harry returned.

Draco just smirked up at him, causing an uneasy feeling to wriggle in the pit of harry's stomach, "Who said anything about running Potter? I'm staying right here till you leave."

Harry narrowed his eyes at the Slytherin, "No, your not." He said firmly, yanking on Malfoys arm with determination. The other boy refused to be moved, though.

Growling low in his throat Harry braced his feet against the headboard, and using both hands, jerked upwards sharply.

Malfoy, caught off guard by the smaller boys strength, was pulled roughly upwards so swiftly that they banged heads, toppling backwards onto the bed.

Harry was out cold before he hit the mattress.



One minute Draco was tucked against the wall, the next he was being propelled upwards. He banged heads with he green eyed boy before they collapsed onto the bed, Draco landing heavily on the other student, and, to his surprise, their lips mashing together in a brief kiss.

Draco pulled away swiftly, (groaning at the pain in his head-he'd surely have an unsightly bump in the near future) unsure of the Gryffindor's reaction. Only to find Harry passed out beneath him.

Uneasily Draco glanced around, then down at the boy. Maybe he wouldn't remember if Draco just...

Slowly Draco lowered himself once more, lightly pressing his lips to the other boys. The young blonds eyes slid shut as a world of wonderful sensations washed over him. He'd been craving this since the day Potter had stolen that kiss along with the sword.

Sadly it wasn't meant to be. He was jerked from his dreamland by the bedroom door banging open. His eyes snapped open and he looked up sharply an annoyed growl rising in his throat, "Just what do you think your..." Harry's Uncle froze mid bellow, his face turning the color of an over ripe plum.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Draco asked in irritation.

Harry's Uncle was speechless for a whole of twelve seconds before he exploded. Draco wasn't even sure what he was saying, it didn't make any sense. Something about filth, and magic, and filth.

"Cool it old man, I was just leaving." And just to spite the the overgrown flubberworm he bent down and kissed Harry once more. The sound of the door slamming was his cue.

Draco pulled away, chuckling. Reluctantly he climbed off Potters prone figure, grabbed the sword, and lept out the window.


Harry woke up in time to see Malfoy snatch the sword off the wall and jump from the window. No way would he let Malfoy take that sword back, he'd never live it down.

In desperation he lurched from the bed, but tripped over his own feet and slammed his chin against the window seal.

His jaw clenched in pain, but he ignored it and the ache in his head, choosing to lean out the window and yell after the boy.

Whether the pain in his head made him misjudge or if he just plain overbalanced, he couldn't be certain. All he knew was one minute he was safely in his room, and the next he was free falling after the Slytherin.


Draco had just landed and was standing up, getting ready to flee, when something tackled him from above, sending him sprawling back onto the wet grass.

Biting back his irritation he lunged for the sword, ready to flee again, only to be tugged back by the cloak around his neck.

Gagging Draco did what any normal Malfoy would do, he turned to glare over his shoulder at what had snagged his cloak. He was fairly surprised to see green eyes flashing back at him, before Potter yanked at the cloak again, "Give that sword back Malfoy." The Gryffindor said in warning

With his free hand Draco clutched his cloak and yanked in return, saying, "Not on your life you little thief." Potter flushed at this reminder of his not so noble actions, but tugged again. Draco snarled at him, "Let go Potter." he said in irritation, also pulling at the cloak.

"Give me the sword and I will." Potter snapped back, yanking hard.

"Never!" The Slytherin hissed back, pooling all his strength and pulling hard. It should have been enough to pull his cloak free from the other boy's grip.

It didn't, though. Instead he somehow managed to unbalance Harry, yanking him forward a couple of steps.

Both were surprised when their lips accidentally crashed together-again (seriously what were the odds, especially since Harry was a couple inches shorter than Draco).

Neither moved, silver eyes staring into shocked emeralds. Then Draco increased the pressure of his lips on the smaller boys. He just couldn't get enough of him, and was sorely tempted to deepen the kiss and risk Potters fury.

He wouldn't though, the other boy already hated him, no need to add fuel to the fire. But he couldn't help but nip at Harry's bottom lip before pulling away, and fleeing, his cloak slipping effortlessly through slack fingers.


Twenty minutes later found Draco Malfoy staring around him with annoyance. This house looked just like Potters. And the one next to that looked like Potter's. And the one next to that one looked identical to the first two. Across the street was a line of even more houses. Each one looking exactly the same as the one before it.

What in the name of Merlin would possess muggles to do something so...abnormal. Why did they feel such a strong desire to be exactly the same.

It was decidedly disorienting.


After ten more minutes of wandering around seeing the exact same sights, he started to believe he was lost...again.

No! This was preposterous, Malfoy's don't get lost especially not more than once in the same day. They know exactly where they were at all times. He had found Harry's house, hadn't he? And Draco was fairly certain he was currently standing somewhere in England. See, he knew exactly where he was.


Five more minutes and he wasn't so certain. Bloody hell, he wasn't even sure he was even in Europe anymore.

Stupid muggles and their inexplicable need for conformity!