Author: Haydenisheaven2000 (Kayla)
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
Rating: Strong T but may go up in later chapters
Summary: AU; Dean's gone...what becomes of the Winchester family and how do they cope with not knowing why he's gone?
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural...just this fic.
A/N: This is based off of the plot line of Mummyluvr's video How Do You Get That Lonely (Thanks again for letting me do this.) Please click on my username to view the video...I'm going to put a link in my profile. The chapters will get longer.


Price of Loneliness

Dean Winchester sat at the edge of his twin bed in yet another crappy motel. How had his life turned into this...day to day of just trying to get by? Why had he let it get this bad? He wished that he knew the answers to these questions because god knew it would solve a lot of his problems.

He was 24 and completely alone, no matter how many times he tried to look at things different. He could turn things into different perspectives...look at things in a different light but in the end he was still alone. His dad had left hours ago for another hunting trip...he hadn't even said goodbye. When Dean had woken up he'd found a single note tossed carelessly next to him.

Went to the cave. Coming back late

-dad-

Eight words. That was all he was worth in the man's eyes...eight fucking words. There wasn't an 'I love you son' or a 'Be safe,' just something fast and unpersonal. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd actually gotten heartfelt words from anyone. He climbed to his bare feet and began to pace the floor.

His dad was never around and Sam had left him years ago. He hadn't heard from his little brother since that fateful night when the teen had packed up his belongings and walked away from everything for the sake of being normal. Dean would kill for normal right now...for anything near normal.

Eventually though he'd come to one simple conclusion. People will always leave you and most of them will never come back.

His mom was a great example of this. She'd died and left him to take over responsibilites no four year old should have. God he missed her every single day. Her death had been the event to change the Winchester family...her death had killed the man his father used to be and replaced him with a drill sargent. Her death had cost Dean his innocence...his childhood. He wished that he could go back to a time when normal was possible...when life was good.

Something on his nightstand caught his eye. The silver firearm glistened in the dim light of the room and brought all attention to itself. He moved towards it and placed it in his palm.

Suicide. It had always been an option for him. It wasn't a very bright or appealing one but an option nonetheless. It felt good in his hands and in that one moment he knew what he had to do.

Laying the gun down for a moment, he scrambled around looking for a piece of paper and something to write with. For five minutes he busied himself with writing a letter to his father and Sam. Just one letter written in black ink, but for once in his life he let himself show emotion.

When he was finished he folded it into a square, threw it into a drawer and then brushed away the few tears that had collected themselves in the corner of his eyes. It was time. Gripping the gun shakily in his right hand and said a prayer aloud.

"Please God...take me to see my mom. I need her and I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this."

He pressed the cold iron to the center of his forhead and pressed his finger into the trigger. As the gun went off and the bullet flew he saw his life flash before his eyes. Every memory and every moment. From Sam walking and talking to his mother's laugh. Then to everyone leaving and the years of hunting. In the seconds that followed he met the darkness permentally.

Somewhere in the darkness of the world the angels sobbed heavily for the soul that was lost too soon and the fall out that would result because of it.


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