Title: Summertime and the Living is Crazy
Author name: Riyan
Category: Humor
Keywords: Draco Harry Slash
Rating: M
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF
Summary:Summer Holidays. Harry gets an unusual vistor who asks him for help. HP/DM
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author notes: Yeah. Its a bit crazy, and OOC at times. But i like some of my wittcisms.. haha yeah.

Harry Potter woke on that fateful day feeling oddly cheerful. He didn't know why, but he felt that this day was going to be a good one. He yawned and looked at his alarm clock. It read 9:38, a perfect time to get up. He got out of bed and threw some clothes on before going down to breakfast.

Uncle Vernon glared at him from over the morning paper. Dudley, who was slowly losing weight, didn't even look up from his piece of melon. He was busy trying to get every last little bit of the fruit from the rind. Aunt Petunia put Harry's slice of melon before him. He ate it cheerfully, and left the Dursleys to their own devices. He had homework to do, so he sauntered up to his bedroom and opened the door. He froze in his tracks. Draco Malfoy was standing there in his bedroom and holding Harry's wand which he had left on his bedside table.

"Ah, Harry, there you are!" Malfoy said, in a tone that suggested that he and Harry were friends rather than arch rivals.

"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing in my room? How on earth did you even know where I lived?" Harry asked. He was utterly confused.

"Well, I am a boots of most extraordinary cleverness," Malfoy replied. Harry blinked slowly at him. "Erm… forget I said that. I meant to say that I am very clever."

"Oh," said Harry simply, not really wanting to find out how Malfoy knew where he lived in case the answer was that Malfoy was stalking him. "But why?"

"I have come to rescue you!" Malfoy said, striking a gallant pose. Harry nodded slowly, looking skeptical. "Actually, I need your help, and so need to take you away from this place."

"Um, OK. Sure, I guess, I mean I'm not really doing anything this summer," Harry replied. For some reason he didn't question Malfoy's reason for his help, but merely trusted him. "But you're going to have to explain this to my Aunt and Uncle."

"Ah yes. The Muggles." Malfoy sighed, looking bored. "Well, let's go then." He grabbed the astonished Harry by the hand and led him downstairs. Uncle Vernon glanced at Harry over the paper again before doing a double take.

"Harry," he said, in a voice of forced calm. "Who is this?" Malfoy walked up to Uncle Vernon and extended his hand.

"I'm Draco Malfoy, a," he paused, looking for the right word to use, "friend of Harry's. I was wondering if I could possibly have Harry to stay with me for the weekend." Uncle Vernon thought for a minute before minute before nodding and going back to the newspaper. Harry knew his Uncle didn't really care what happened to him and it was one fewer mouth to feed.

"Wonderful!" Malfoy said, "We'll just be going then! Good day to you sir!"

Harry was very confused. Malfoy was being nice, even friendly. 'It must be an act,' Harry thought. 'Either that, or Malfoy is high.' Malfoy grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the kitchen, leaving his stunned relatives behind. "Go and get your stuff." Malfoy said. "And be quick about it. Wait, can you do magic outside of school yet?" Harry shook his head. "Ha ha. Loser! I'd better come and help you then," he said. Harry scowled. It was only seven more days... Malfoy ignored the glare and followed Harry up the stairs to Harry's room where he packed all of Harry's things with a quick wave of his wand and very soon they were walking out the Dursley's front door.

Harry didn't know why Malfoy needed him, but he was sure it would be more interesting than staying at the Dursleys'. Anything would be more interesting than staying with the Dursleys. Plus he had stayed for the required month.

Malfoy had a regular, Muggle car with a chauffer waiting outside. This puzzled Harry; the Malfoys had a Muggle car? Malfoy ushered Harry into the car and hurried in behind him.

"Now, to business," Malfoy said.

"Yes, Malfoy, why do you need my help, and for what?" Harry asked.

"I'm just about to tell you Potter. Calm down. Right so, Potter, as you know, we Malfoys are a pureblood family. This means that we have always married other purebloods. However, this usually means that we are forced into arranged marriages and to be honest, I don't want to marry someone my father hand picks for me." Harry nodded, this made sense, but he still didn't understand where he came into it. "Yes, well, my father wants me to marry Leticia Goyle, Greg's younger sister. He told me the other day and I needed a way out, so I told him I had a secret lover. I had to think fast you see and my father asked why my lover was a secret and I needed a really good reason for that. And then it hit me. I could say it was you. You weren't away for the summer, you had no doting parents who would try and keep you home, or care if I took you for the rest of the summer if I needed to. You were perfect, and of course I would want to keep you secret, you are the Boy-Who-Lived. I wouldn't want to tell my parents in a letter that I was seeing you, and you are a boy. You were perfect. So I told my parents and they suggested I invite you over for the rest of the summer. They didn't believe me, well, who could blame them! So I need you to help keep up my charade. Will you help me?" Malfoy looked hopefully at Harry.

"Help you… how?" Harry asked.

"Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?" Malfoy was practically pleading.

"What's in it for me?" Harry asked.

"Oh, how Slytherin of you!" Malfoy smirked. "Well, for starters, you will really piss off my Dad, and I know how much you hate him. And secondly, the Dark Lord often frequents our house. You could murder him in his sleep!" Malfoy look hopeful again.

"Yeah, or he could kill me." Harry muttered.

"No he couldn't, because Daddy told him not to because then he would get the blame as you were staying at his house." Harry raised an eyebrow at the word 'Daddy' but otherwise kept his face passive. "So will you do it?" Malfoy was looking very worried now. Harry thought about the matter carefully for a moment. He didn't particularly want to help Malfoy, but he sure as heck wanted to piss off his 'Daddy'. Plus, he had nothing else to do for the rest of that summer.

"Sure Malfoy. What the heck, I have nothing better to do." Harry paused. Malfoy smiled and looked relieved. "So… how long have we been going out?"

"Well, about three months I think." Harry nodded.

"How did we get together?"

"Well, I actually hadn't thought of that. Do you have any ideas?" Malfoy asked.

Harry thought of many ideas, each one more crazy than the last. The story had to be simple. That meant no rescuing Malfoy from the Giant Squid. Or rescuing him from the clutches of Acromantulae. Or from Centaurs. No, it had to be simple. Harry wasn't good at simple. He voiced the idea of something simple aloud and Malfoy nodded. Simple was easier said than done.

"How about I just asked you out one day?" Harry suggested.

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"'Cause I'm the Boy-Who-Lived and I'm bloody sexy and I can do whatever I want to, damn it!"

"Oh. Good reason, but why would I say yes?"

"Erm… Because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived and I'm bloody sexy?" Harry asked, hopefully.

"No. How about I asked you out?"

"No! I'm so much sexier than you!"

"You so aren't, but if we are going to argue over this, then we should figure something else out." Malfoy said and they went back to thinking.

"How about you were dared to, and then we fell in love!" Harry said.

"No way, that sounds like some sort of rubbish plotline a Muggle would put on… oh what's it called? Vellytision, or something."

"Television?" Harry asked. Malfoy nodded. "OK. Here's one for you. How about I saved you from the Giant Squid?" he asked hopefully, praying that Malfoy would think that was in fact simple.

"Wow. You have a warped view of simple." Malfoy said. "Why don't we stick with one of us just asking the other out. You can be the asker if you really want."

"Wow Malfoy! Why are you backing down?" Harry asked.

"Because we're here." It was true; they were driving up the long driveway of the Malfoy Manor. Far in the distance, Harry could just about see the house. The Malfoys really had too much money. "Oh and Harry, you have to call me Draco. And make it convincing."

"Convincing? How?" Harry asked with trepidation.

"We're going out. We've probably been shagging like bunnies at school. Act like it." Harry paled, but realized he couldn't turn back now. He nodded and the chauffer opened the door. They were still about 100 meters from the front door. Harry grabbed Draco's hand and they walked up to the door. As they reached it, the door was thrown open by Lucius Malfoy, who had apparently been waiting for them.

"Potter," he sneered. "Welcome. Let me show you to your room in the guest wing."

"No, no Lucius," said a woman's voice. Narcissa Malfoy stepped out from behind her husband. "We agreed to let Draco and Harry here share a room." She surreptitiously winked at her husband.

"What? Oh, yes. You and Draco will share a room. You've probably been shagging like bunnies at school anyway." He spat. Harry was stunned. So was Draco.

"But of course," Harry said, lying quickly and snaking an arm around Draco's waist. Lucius paled, but calmly ordered a house-elf to take Harry's things up to Draco's room.

"Well, how was your journey?" Narcissa asked.

"It was uneventful." Harry said truthfully. "It was really nice to see Draco again. We spent some time, erm, catching up." He smiled nervously.

"Yeah," Draco agreed. "I missed Harry." He leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek. Harry noticed how soft Draco's lips were before scolding himself. This was Draco Malfoy for heaven's sake! However he squeezed Draco's waist. He was playing boyfriend wasn't he? He could have some fun.

"OK, well you boys go and freshen up. Dinner is in an hour. Don't be late!" Narcissa said and Harry followed Draco to his room. It took them a good five minutes to get there.

"Sheesh, Draco," Harry said. "Your house is huge."

"You don't say!" said Draco, pretending to be shocked at this statement. Harry hit him on the shoulder. "Harry Potter is a sex god."

"I'm a WHAT?"

"Sex god. I thought it would add to the believability of our story if I had that as my password. You should have seen my father's face! It was hilarious!" Harry was shocked to say the least, but then, why deny it?

"What was it before?"

"Oh, something boring and in Latin. Anyway, welcome to my room, Harry!" Draco opened the door with a flourish. The first thing that came to Harry's mind was 'big and blue.' The room was huge, with a four-poster bed against the far wall, opposite a large fireplace. The walls around the fireplace were covered in bookshelves, filled to the brim with an assortment of different books. A large bay window with a window seat was set in the wall opposite the door and adjacent to the bed. There was a desk with a large, executive looking chair behind the door, and two large armchairs in front of the fireplace.

"Um, where do I sleep?" Harry said sheepishly after a moment.

"Ah. That is a very good point. I guess my parents assumed since we're, ah, going out, we would share a bed." There was a long silence.

"Fine." This was going to be a strange summer. Draco looked at him strangely, but dropped his gaze after a moment.

"Well, make yourself at home then, Potter."

"My name is Harry." Harry said.

"Fine. Make yourself at home, Harry." Draco snapped. "We should leave for dinner in about half an hour, that way we'll get there on time." Harry had a sudden idea.

"Draco, we should make it look like we've been, ahem, doing things, when we go down." Draco smirked evilly and untucked his shirt. "You need to mess up your hair Draco." Harry reached over to do so and Draco hit his hand away.

"My hair is never messed up Potter… I mean Harry." He said as Harry shot him a look.

"Draco, are you trying to tell me that no matter what you do, your hair is always neat and tidy?" Harry smirked at him.

"Um. No. But," at this point Draco started to whine "I hate it when my hair is messy!"

"Tough," said Harry, "it's character building." He tackled Draco and began ferociously messing up the blonde's hair. Draco fought him off and surveyed the image in the mirror. His bottom lip started to quiver. "Oh come on, Draco. It's only hair." Harry said. Draco shot him a death glare and Harry rolled his eyes. After years of being rivals with Malfoy, that glare didn't frighten him any longer.

"You're mean, Harry." Draco sulked. "Oh and do your buttons up wrong. You look too neat. Your hair is fine though." Harry smirked, even after years of trying his hair was as untamable as ever. Harry nodded and began to unbutton his shirt.