Pump And Circumstance
Author: Sineya
Disclaimer: *Sigh* Sadly, they're not mine.
Rating: NC-17 (Acts of a sexual nature, and other naughty things)
Category: L/R, Foof
Summary: I spy with my little eye a naked.....
Author's Note's: This is a result of WAY too much coffee, insomnia, and my deranged mind.
Dedication: For Simmie, who shares my obsession of the wonder that is Logan and Marie. I love you, dude.


I'm going to kill Logan.

I mean it. No, I'm not having some kinda of adolescent, angst episode. This isn't Dawson's Creek here people.

I literally want to kill him.

He's evil, and cruel, and....and....and way too hot shirtless.


And he know's it, and uses it to torture us innocent, virginal mutants who wanna jump his bones so bad we ache.

That tempting flesh is WAY too much for me to take. I mean talk about hormones on parade here, if I have to stare at those bulging biceps anymore then I might throw caution to the wind.

Why oh why did I agree to this?

This is so wrong.

Logan, no...no...yes...no.. Please don't...OH GOD!!!!!

He's NAKED!!!!!!

Logan is standing four five feet in front of me wearing nothing but a smile.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Look at the size of him. That WILL NOT FIT!

Okay, okay, breathe girl, breathe. That's right, deep breaths, nice and easy. Stop looking, you'll be fine. Logan is most definitely an above average specimen, and VERY large, but-

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. He's...he's....he's.......touchin' himself!



I yelled that out loud didn't I? I yelled that out loud! Lightning please strike me now! Black hol please open up beneath me!

Oh no, he's not looking over here. He's not standing up. He's not walking over to my hiding spot. He's not growling. He's not stomping. He's not smiling. He's not angry. He's not-


He's smiling?


And now we're laughing.

Logan is sitting here baring it all, and I'm fully clothed from head to toe.

So why do I feel like the naked one.

He needs to join some sort of naked program where they teach that nakedness is not nice around girls' who're in lust with you.

And I need to stop saying naked because every time the word pops out of my mouth I stare down at his enormously large package.

This is surreal.


I stared at him, our chortles finally fading.

"Ummm....yeah..so Ah've gotta go." I really needed to get away fast. To go hide in my bedroom, and indulge myself with an assortment of depraved, Logan fantasies.


Oh please, don't say anything, don't ask me what I was doing in here.

"Why were you out here anyway?" His smile took a decidedly smirky turn.

I paled."Ah was just....uh.....out for ah stroll." Lord, why the Hell did my accent have to deepen like that? And why did Logan have to know that it did.

"In the men's locker room." Full-fledged smirkage now.

I nodded, my ashen cheeks now tomato-red as I stuttered out an answer."Umm....I was...I..I was getting a towel for Bobby." I nodded more forcefully."Yep, that's what Ah was doin."Getting a towel for my dear friend Bobby. I wasn't in any way, shape, or form trying to sneak a peak at your goods.

Nope, not me.

His eyes widened in amused disbelief, but his head nodded as he accepted the weak lie."Sure darlin'."

He stood again, reaching for a towel as my eyes bugged out. I almost swallowed my tongue when he threw it onto my lap and his...member..swung forward.

"There you go, now get on outta here so I can finish my.....shower." His grin disappeared, and he coughed loudly, his face a nice shade of pink.

Wow, he's blushing. This is one for the books. The Wolverine, blushing cause someone caught him jerki-

Uhh....pleasuring himself.

Naked Logan popped into my head, a fist around his-

Okay, now I'm the one's who's blushing.

And the smirk is back.

"I'm...leaving,"I gulped, hurriedly standing and scrambling towards the door."Bye!"

Okay, door open, door open, door open.

It's not opening.

And now he's behind me, reaching for the doorknob and-

"Ya gotta twist it, Marie." I could here the grin in his voice as he opened it for me, that double entendre whispering through mortified mind.

I thought that was the end of this horrific ordeal. Logan had other plans as he planted himself in the doorway.


Jubes was rolling around on the floor, howling hysterically as tears of laughter dripped from her closed lids.

I was gonna kill her.

This was all her stupid idea.

"Rogue, babe, you gotta go in there, walk up to him, and tell him you want his thang."

She's SO dead.

And still laughing as I plot her slow and painful death. Now her eyes are opening.

And the laughter is......gone.

Now I'm laughing, the expression of complete and utter amazement gracing her face is too hilarious for words.

Maybe she won't have to die .

"Dude, you're gonna kill her with that!" She's pointing at Logan's lower regions, her jaw resting on the floor.

And we're back to her painful death.

"Jubes!" I flushed brightly, as Logan started chuckling once again.

Okay, time to motor.

Just grab her arm, and run. And don't forget to kill yourself after her agonizing destruction. Because this absolute embarrassment is partly your fault, you did go along with her 'sure plan', which you knew would never work, but carried out just to see the man of your dream in his birthday suit.

Jubes mouth is still open, but I think there's drool dribbling down her chin. Yep, I see definite droolage, and a slight red tinge.

I can feel laughter bursting forth again. I'm glad I'm not the only one embarrassed by this idiotic scheme.


And the giggling is gone.

He's calling me. Don't look back, keep walking, keep walking.

No, Jubes don't stop, keep moving, we're almost gone.

She pulling on my arm, and turned our bodies around to face the entirely way to nude male.

He's smirking, and stepping towards us.

Still naked.

"Yeah, Logan?" Was that my voice? I could still speak?

"Darlin', if you wanna see me naked all you gotta do is ask."

Then he left, firm posterior, still glistening from the shower.


Jubes is smiling up at me, something akin to pride in her voice."Told you it'd work, babe."

I love this girl.

But I'm still gonna kill her.


Right now, I've got someone to do.