"Out of Pills"
AN: I don't own Padme, Anakin, or Star Wars and I'm not making any money off of this or any of my other stories (blah blah blah). The rating is for sexuality, but hopefully it's in good taste...this is my first attempt at writing something really errotic. Oh, and yes, Chapter 28 of the highly popular story "My Mother" is in the works.
Padme pushed the button to slide open the refresher mirror, revealing the two shelves of rarely-used relief medicines. She reached into the mess of pain relievers and cold medicines to grasp a small translucent orange container.
An empty translucent orange container.
Padme cursed under her breath, remembering now that this container had been empty for several days. Such a length of time without the pills which the container usually provided meant a possibility that tonight could have unwanted consequences.
She silently counted days on her fingers, realizing with despair that she was almost, but not quite, on her time. No...she was wrong...she miscounted, right? No...a second count confirmed the fact. If she and Anakin carried out their plan for tonight, it would almost certainly have consequences.
One of those evil but unlying fingers pushed the button to close the medicine cabinet, bringing Padme's reflection back into visibility, the reflection that wore Anakin's favorite nightgown: the nearly-transparent sleeveless light blue one, cut low over her breasts. She wanted to yell at that reflection for forgetting to get more pills.
Didn't you KNOW? she wanted to scream. You KNEW Ani was being sent to the Outer Rim tomorrow! You KNEW you were out of pills! WHY DIDN'T YOU GET SOME?
Because she forgot. Such a simple stupid answer. The notion hadn't entered her brain, she hadn't thought for a moment about refilling her pill supply because her mind was distracted by political matters. A stupid little mistake that was now staring at her from the mirror, showing off that empty head that couldn't even remember to refill her pills when her husband was about to leave for an indefinite amount of time.
She breathed heavily as she considered her options. Of course, she could simply go along with it and hope for the best...after all, there wasn't a complete certainty that she would become pregnant without the pills...just an increased possibility. She sighed, trying to dismiss the appeal of that notion.
It wasn't that she and Anakin didn't want children. No, they often talked about how wonderful it would be if they were allowed to be parents, but they had decided a long time ago that it would forever be only a fantasy, as their forbidden marriage had to be kept a secret.
If she were to become pregnant...oh, the press would love that. An "unmarried" senator pregnant - that would cause storms of reporters trying to find out the "dirty secret" of whom Padme "fooled around" with. Her reputation would likely sink low enough to give the queen reason to replace her.
She could live with that...but what about Anakin? If it were to be discovered that he was the father of Padme's baby...he would undoubtably be dismissed from the Jedi Order, his lifelong dream destroyed. Was it fair for her to crush what he had dedicated his life to?
Anakin would like to have children...she knew that...but how much would he like them? Was his desire for children strong enough to give up on the Jedi Order for? She remembered how he had abandoned his old life and his mother for the chance to be a Jedi. A little blonde-haired boy entered her head, slumped in a corner, his knees drawn up to his chest, his body shaking from cold and fear. She remembered wrapping his little body up in a blanket.
The blanket that she was now supposed to be.
As she left the refresher, Padme sighed slightly to herself. Even thirteen years after the time, Anakin still needed his blanket. In the three years since his mother died, Anakin had needed Padme more than ever. The shield he raised for everyone else could be let down in the sanctuary of his wife's presence.
"Ani? What is it?"
"Nothing...I just...wanted to make sure you were there."
"Your mother again?"
Snippets of conversation such as that were common in the late hours of night, when dreams of the past plagued her husband's head and tears plagued his eyes. She was the only one allowed to see how vulnerable Anakin really was. It often made her wonder how the other Jedi survived - the ones who followed the Order's rules against vulnerability and marriage. Did the years of concealing their feelings ever affect their health? Did they find somewhere private for emotional breakdowns? Or did they pay secret visits to courtesans for their physical and emotional needs? That latest thought caused Padme to grin briefly as she imagined such people as Obi-Wan and Yoda visiting courtesans.
Anakin was stretched out on their bed, wearing only his shorts, showing off that perfect body to his wife, causing her nerves to tremble. Her focus danced around his muscular chest, from the scar he had received in some battle, to the bits of blondish hair only visible when the light hit them a certain way, to the navel nearly buried by the bulges in his stomach. It always amazed her, the way that chest could cast a spell on her eyes.
Tell him, an internal voice said to her. Tell him you're out of pills. Tell him you can't do this tonight.
I will, her own consciousness responded. Soon. Her eyes now moved up to her husband's face. His eyes were sharp, sparkling jewels, piercing into her nervous system and jumbling it up, and yet at same time, these jewels were missing something, longing for the thing that would make them complete.
"Padme," his smiling mouth said, stating the thing that would make his eyes complete.
Tell him, the internal voice persisted. Tell him now. Padme opened her mouth to give her husband the bad news, but only a single word would come out, the word that revealed what would make herself complete as well.
As if in a trance, she sat down on the soft bed and allowed her husband to passionately, sensually kiss her lips. The sensation of his lips against hers and the taste of his tongue in her mouth grabbed her heart, driving it to beat with increasing speed, almost washing away all concern about what might come from this evening.
Tell him - you need to tell him now.
Hold your banthas, I will, her consciousness said to that stubborn internal voice as Anakin's lips moved on to caress her cheek...her earlobe...her neck, giving little tingles to each successive part of her.
"Ani..." she said in a voice so soft that she could barely hear herself.
"Mmm, what?" Anakin said between kisses.
Padme harnessed all her strength to push her husband's lips away from her skin. "Ani...I need to tell you something."
"Whatever it is, it can wait," Anakin said dreamily, leaning over to kiss her again.
"No...it can't," Padme whispered.
"Yes...it can," Anakin insisted, sucking on her neck, tenderly placing his hand on her breast. "Padme...this could be our last time...we don't know...so let's enjoy it."
"Please don't talk like that," said Padme. "Ani, I know that there's a risk every time the Jedi send you on a mission, but you don't need to bring it up like that."
Anakin stopped his sensual actions and looked Padme in the eye. "But it's the truth," he said, his breath quivering slightly. "Padme...you don't know what it's like to be continuously sent away to places you've never been, never sure if you're going to return."
That was a nice way of putting it, Padme thought. She could see the hint of fear in his eyes, the fear that he might die before seeing his wife again. Once more he was calling out for his blanket.
She found that she was letting Anakin kiss her again, his lips dancing on hers in rhythmic action to his hands caressing her shoulders. His thumbs gently grasped the straps on her nightgown.
Now, the voice said. You have to tell him. Padme's rational side knew the voice was right, but it was powerless to stop the rest of her from remaining passive to her husband's approaches. Her body was frozen except for the motions of her mouth in the kiss, her tongue reaching down into his mouth.
She felt her husband's strong hands moving down her arms, still holding her nightgown's straps. Her mind barely registered when he pushed her arms out of the straps, but once her breasts met the slight drop in temperature in front of Anakin, her thighs tightened with lust, almost making her want throw away all her concerns and surrender to her husband.
Padme abruptly forced herself out of the kiss and opened her eyes, connecting with the now-timid eyes of her husband. No, his eyes seemed to be saying. Don't ruin this. The plea in his eyes ran deeper than mere lust for his bare-breasted wife or even desire for a last night of lovemaking. The lonely boy was back - he needed his blanket. She could see the shivers in his eyes - the fear of death and separation. And something else...a sense of knowing, a sense that he was looking deep into her soul. She thought she saw his head nod slightly, as if he had used the Force to read her uncertainty and was telling her he was willing to take that risk.
A little shiver of her body made her realize she was cold - and not merely because she was topless, either. Like Anakin, her soul was calling out for a blanket. The truth stung her heart - the truth that she too was frightened of losing her love, that she too worried that this may be their last time. What was she without him? A prestigious senator, beloved by many but loved by few, a servant to the galaxy without anything for herself, an island in the treacherous sea of politics.
The area between her legs was throbbing, screaming for her Anakin to enter. Her breath became heavy as she felt her husband's hands massaging her bare shoulders, slowly making their way down her front.
What would be so bad if she became pregnant, anyway? She and Anakin could plan a way to raise their baby - it would be difficult, but they could handle it. Her mouth abruptly sucked in her breath and her eyes squinted shut as she felt Anakin's tickling lips caressing her breasts.
In the moment of blackness behind her eyelids, Padme saw herself, perhaps only nine months from now, cradling a little treasure. The baby looked up at her with the brightest little eyes. Anakin's eyes.
The baby's image remained in her mind when her eyes opened. Its little face seemed to be calling out to her. She heard tiny coos. She felt soft infant skin. She heard a voice calling her "Mama." Her body trembled not from lust but from torment. Torment at the thought that by resisting her husband's actions, she was preventing this little life from ever coming to be.
"Padme, what's wrong?" Anakin asked, sharply pulling her back to the real world.
Once more looking into her husband's eyes, Padme felt her own eyes welling up with tears. The child continue to flash in her mind, as if crying out that it wanted to be born, that it wanted Padme and Anakin to be its parents. Her arms suddenly felt horribly empty, longing to hold a little soul - or a larger soul who could help that little soul come into existence.
"Padme?" Anakin asked again, his finger rubbing her cheek.
Padme breathed deeply as she blinked to clear her eyes. Complete silence filled her ears for a few seconds as she stared at her husband's gorgeous face, slowly gaining the courage to speak the words that would very likely change their lives.
"Nothing's wrong, Ani."
She threw her hungry arms around her husband and allowed fate to do what it would.
Padme lay exhausted in the darkness, her sleeping husband embracing her from behind. Her throat felt tight as she listened to his breath and felt his warm arms. She squeezed his fingers so tightly that she almost thought she might break them, her thumb rubbing his callouses as though trying to flatten them, savoring the ability to touch her husband before the ability would be lost for possibly a very long time.
It was done. Looking back on the highly pleasurable night, Padme wondered if her concerns had been valid or if she had just been overreacting. Perhaps nothing had happened and their lives would resume as they were.
Her hand slid off her husband's hand and onto her stomach, almost thinking that she would feel some indication there, but of course, there was nothing. Not yet. Still, she opted to keep her hand there...for some reason, it felt good.
Anakin moaned in his sleep, briefly causing his wife to prepare for one of his nightmares, but afterwards he did nothing except grip her body tighter, his slumbering mind gaining comfort her presence. Padme smiled serenely, wondering...no, hoping. Hoping that he had given her a gift tonight - the most precious gift he could ever give or receive.
Her eyelids slowly drooped. She fought her exhaustion for a moment, wishing to be conscious for as much of the time before her husband left as possible, but her weary mind couldn't fight for long. It was only a short time before she was surrendering to sleep, her hand still on her stomach, her fading awareness still wondering...still hoping...
But she would know soon enough.