A/N - Hinata contemplates her life while listening to a song with words that mirror her life and how she feels. This is NOT a Nejihinata story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own the song or group.
Chapter one of 'Hinata's Mirror' - Reflections
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Have I got it?
No, of course she didn't have it, not according to almost everyone in her life. Hardly anyone ever said anything nice to her, and none of it ever came from her family like she hoped. Only Kiba and Shino who were her teammates, her sensei and some of the other genin ever had a kind word for her.
Hinata wrapped her arms around herself, seated at the edge of her bed. Pale eyes glared with uncharacteristic anger at the large dresser mirror across from of her. A spider web of cracks laced themselves across the thing, taunting Hinata with prismed images of herself.
'Cause mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
That much was true; the mirror showed her what she was, what she hated to be. It showed her the weak and pitiful Hyuuga heir everyone in her clan despised her for being, especially Neji and her father. She tried so hard every day to improve herself, and every day she fell short of her mark, and from where her father wanted her to be.
Hinata tightened her arms around her thin frame, a single tear drawing a clean track down her cheek. She knew she was far from perfect, unable to be strong and tough the way her father wanted her to be. Why couldn't they see who she was inside? What was so hard for people who had Byakugan to see who she really was? Not even Neji could read her as well as he thought he could, for all his strength with the Byakugan.
Neji. She loved Neji dearly. He had been so gentle and kind to her when they were younger. She missed those days and would give anything to have them back. He had been the only one in either the Main or Branch Hyuuga clan who had ever tried to protect her because he cared about her, not just because she was the heir. But that all changed, and he had tried to kill her.
She shook her head as more tears made their way down her pale face. No matter how much she wanted those days back, she would never get them. Never.
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me
Her entire clan only saw her weaknesses. Early on they ignored and hated her for it, never considering that she might be stronger than any of them inside. If any of them saw her inner strength, her in power, they ignored it. And because she was physically weak and unable to do simple techniques that her younger sister could do, she was put down every day and at every turn.
Hinata dug her nails into her bare arms; bare arms that her speckled with self-inflicted scars, old and new alike, ones that were normally hidden under her jacket. Why couldn't her own clan see the special power she had inside when her teammates and sensei could see it?
Her power was the ability to sense people's power and read their feelings even when their visible emotions were hidden from her. Sometimes she could even sense where they were without using her kekkai genkai. It was just part of her, the way she used her power. Reading and understanding people without speaking to them, Hinata had learned a lot about the people within and without her clan, sometimes what they didn't even know or want to admit to themselves.
Why couldn't they be happy with what she was instead of wanting her to be what they wanted? Why?
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
Who, indeed. Everyone in her clan, especially her father repeatedly told her that she was the heir to the clan; how could she allow herself to be weak and useless? How could she allow herself to be a hindrance to her clan and team? She knew she was weak in her taijutsu, but she was doing her best to overcome that problem. Why could no one see that?
"All I wanted was a word of encouragement," Hinata whispered out loud. "Just once would've made me so happy. But you never said anything. Not ever."
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try
"You kept telling me what I should do even if I had already done it. You got angry with me whether I do what you tell me to do or not." Hinata said softly. She was holding a kunai in her hand now, the one that she slept with under her pillow. "Often I was pushing myself harder than you were pushing me, whether you were there or not, Father." she smiled faintly. "I listened to you for years, but you never listened to me. You never saw the good I did. I don't want to listen to you anymore. I'm not going to try anymore."
Getting to her feet she walked over to her broken mirror to stare at her splintered reflection. Gently, she traced the cracks on the mirror; the knuckles on both hands were caked with drying blood.
With her heart, she saw a new image of herself. She would release herself from the chains that bound her to a family who hated the weak and despised those who helped them.
Mirror I am seeing
a new reflection
Swiftly, she cut open a new wound on her forearm. Using her own blood, she wrote a message on the ruined surface of the mirror. Then she turned away, closing the door softly behind her, thankfully not meeting anyone as she left the Hyuuga compound.
Back in her room, blood ran down the mirror, distorting the message she had left behind though still leaving it sharply readable.
YOU NEVER SAW HOW HARD I WAS TRYING,AND YOU DIDN'T SEE THE POWER I HAD INSIDE OF ME. YOU ALL HATE ME AND WANT ME GONE. I AM GOING TO GRANT YOU YOUR WISH.
And below that message there was another one:
I WILL MISS YOU, NEJI. GOODBYE.
Although Hinata didn't see anyone as she left, someone saw her. After she was out of sight, the lithe form ran to her room and threw open the door. Pale eyed widened in fear and horror as they fell on the message scrawled on the shattered mirror in blood, and a bloody kunai slammed into the top of the dresser.
With only one thought in mind, the figure ran out of the room.
Hinata crouched down on top of the Hokage monument, watching people bustling about their business below her. Most of them didn't have to worry about pleasing fathers or other people in charge of their lives, who hated them for not meeting their standards. All of them had friends who cared about them, whom they didn't drag down. No matter what Shino and Kiba said, she knew she dragged them down all the time; during training, during missions, and everything in between.
More tears went down her cheeks. "Why… why am I so alone? Why do I have no one to turn to?"
Sobs wracked her body as her nails dug into her skin so hard she was close to drawing blood. "I hate being alone like this," she whispered. "But that doesn't matter anymore, I guess. Now I know how Naruto feels. But at least people are starting to acknowledge him." Hinata tried to smile but choked on her tears. "The people I want to acknowledge me never will. Father has given up on me and Neji hates me. Naruto doesn't even see me, and I am nothing but a hindrance to my teammates and a burden to Kurenai-sensei."
Hinata got to her feet to stand at the very edge of the monument. Briefly she wondered if anyone would truly miss her when she was gone. She doubted it. The clan
would pretend to mourn her death, but it would all be for show, she knew. She didn't hate them for it, but in her heart she knew her soul would be trapped on this earth until at least someone truthfully mourned her death.
The breeze ruffled Hinata hair as she spread her arms, as if welcoming the wind as a friend; something she felt she didn't have. She took a step forward until her feet were partially over the edge. She smiled as the wind wrapped itself around her, almost as if it was hugging her. Hugging her goodbye.
A/N - evil laughter while rubbing hands together What a cliffhanger… literally. Anyone who guesses correctly what song I used gets to decide whether Neji (yes, Neji was the figure) gets there in time or not to save Hinata.
But everyone who reads this gets chibi Kyuubi cookies… they're chocolate chip… holds plate of cookies out to you