"My father never loved me, you know."

"Oh, do be quiet, Sparrow."

"Never loved me…did a bit of a 'wham bam thank you ma…son' occasionally but…"

"Sparrow, if you do not shut up, I am going to be quite ill."

"Right, right sorry. You're right. Not the time for talking…Very, uhm…quiet business. Shadowy and illicit…the like, yes."

"I hate you so much. There is no one in this world that I hate quite as much as you."

"Lovely…that's just the kind of excitement we need here. Now, I shall, uhm, divest you of your effects."

"Do shut up."

"Sorry. Sorry. Inability to control my mouth…part of my complex."

"You mean your mental illness?"

"Something like that…good lord, you military men…hmm."

"Don't make me repeat myself a fourth time."

"Fifth times the charm, eh, mate?"


"Right. Quiet. My mouth, she is shut, sir. Here, see, on m'knees and…"

"Oh God. Oh, your hair…is rather filthy…what are these t-tentacles? Ah."

"I wish they were…You haven't got tentacles have you?"

"No. I don't have tentacles. Shut up and take your clothes off."

"Whossa captain here?"

"Shut up."

"Alright, alright."

"Lord, Sparrow, why…it…"

"Yeah, yeah, say hello to Prince Albert."


"Let's get to it then? Come on. There we are…muscular, hmmm…not…quite my type."

"Yes, I'm…I am aware of…This was your idea…"

"Oh…dear, Commodore…Heh. Hmmm. You do this often? I think you do…Aspiring young…ah sailors and you just…rape, ravage, pillage their dreams! And their…"

"Shut up. I cannot stand you."

"Ah, but why, ahah, why then is your keyblade in my keyhole?"

"I wish it were a blade, then I would kill you."

"Sick man. Very sick man. Mmph. Honestly? I rather wish it were too…Then I'd have Sora here instead of you…Lovely lad and he doesn't smell of sweat and pig manure…"

"Sparrow. How old is that boy? Shut up. No, don't say another word, or I swear…"

"What? You'd honestly stop? Oh, very strong there…Hah…ah, right. Well…a man must own his…god kinks. Penchats? Yes? Mine just…ha-aa-ppen to be young boys with flashy, shiny swords and…and tentacles."

"Oh, God. You've ruined it right there…"

"You wanted a corpse earlier."

"I can't do this any longer."

"Pretend it's a Captain's order? God, Norrington don't leave me all…half-done like this!"

"Bloody pirate, bloody…what are you d-d-oh-ing."

"Yes, right! Norrington Junior is hale and hearty once more! Ah-hah-heh. Mmm."

"Do be quiet? You've got me begging now, Sparrow. You're like a disease. Umph. A terrible disease similar, in many ways, to scurvy."

"What you need…is more rum, mate. I need rum, where is the rum?"

"You're joking? I'm…we're…ah-nd you're looking around for rum?"

"Yes, there it is. Heh-heh. Here Norrington, dear, I'll…I'll siphon some to you. Drain it off, yes. Mmmhmml."

"You…that was from your mouth. Nh. You taste like rum."

"You swallow."

"I…your very sweat must taste like that."

"L-let's mmhn find out about my cum, yeah? Swallow that too?"

Standard Disclaimers