Disclaimer: I don't own Yugi-Ou. I'm just a fangirl.
A/N: My first real angst fic. And one-shot. And Tendership. Oh yeah, contains slash.
Most don't know this about spirits. We may share a body but we are not alive. Physically, we are closer to liquid mercury than any living thing. We are not continued by blood or electric pulses but simply are a consciousness. I am not a parasite to my host, technically, because parasites attach to something to survive. My survival does not depend on my host. He simply gives me mobility and most of all a false life. I am immortal and am more like the inorganic which are immortal as well.
My host is not immortal. It is painfully obvious. I do not breath or have a pulse but he does and I can hear it, constantly in fact. This is why I prefer to be estranged from my master. But it is impossible to be separate from someone who you occupy.
I have a jealous possessiveness for things. I wasn't always like this but if you loose everything, you swear off losing anything ever again. The only way to do this is to horde the inanimate and swear off the anything which can die. I swore to never care for any living thing again. It was less painful. Objects can be stolen and hoarded away safely. Never to be ruined. You can't do that with the living.
Yet, I fell into this trap. My master was so vulnerable in comparison to myself. He would openly embrace friendship the way I never did. His friends were often devious and I intervened. That was my excuse. Perhaps, it is true. Perhaps not. I felt the needed to protect him from companionship and from the hard truths that the living can be lost. That was a reason. Another could be that I was jealous. I could not speak with my master and I wanted to. I did not know why. Speaking with him would ruin my isolation. But I wanted it and soon I did.
My master gained companions and even fought against me. He shares the company of the Pharaoh's host. I despise him and yet I do not understand if the Pharaoh sees himself as mercury the way I do. My master continued and so did I. I was on a falsebound quest. I knew that the items would not return my lost years or maybe I don't. I continue to search for them and continue to lose years to revenge and fear.
I went too far numerous times. Each time vilifying myself and alienating my partner. I joined Malik to possess the items. They like myself do not die. They exist forever. I hurt my master in the process. It wasn't supposed to happen. I swear on that. He was supposed to be left out of this. Malik had other ideas. It was then that I could no longer estrange my partner. I felt for someone. It was the first time in eons. I felt for something that could die.
He became aware of me soon after. My master is odd. He seemed elated by the idea of his own personal spirit. He studied me, investigated and interrogated all in the greatest politeness.
"Were you ever human?"
"Yes. In Egpyt."
He taught me many things that I couldn't have learned by simply reading his thoughts. He showed me. My partner does not think anything is strange. He loves the odd and he said that I was the best he could ask for.
It was stupid to do that. The bond between a spirit and a being bends the laws of existence. I began to grow tangible. I was solid mercury, I suppose. It did not change my mortality. I was still very much immortal but vulnerable and not physically. My partner tried to touch me once, hug me to be precise. I hated the sensation. It was so human, so intimate and so mortal. I rejected him. The boy was upset but unabated. "We don't have to touch." The damage was done though. It had been there all a long. I had always loved the boy. I had always wanted to love him. However, I could not lose again.
I have a possessively loyal nature. If I am ever to love, I will love long after they are gone. I do not sleep for fear of my past, it haunts me there, and for fear that the future will come too soon. So I lay awake in my soul room listening to the sound of my partner's beating heart, a comforting buffer between my humanity and my insanity, and fear the day the buffer is gone.
Review if you think anything about this and thank you for reading.