Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or Inuyasha. Obviously.
A/N: Written for "Dark Side" theme at iyfic-contest LJ comm.
Inuyasha: The Sith Hits the Fan
By the time that insufferable little muppet Yoda announced in his annoyingly backwards way, "Begun, this Clone War has," the Emperor realized he'd made a horrible mistake. His star pupil Anakin—the boy who was destined to become none other than Lord Darth Vader, the most terrifying badass in the galaxy—was turning out to be nothing more than a whiny little bitch.
"Anakin, stop moping! Geez, at this rate, Queen Amalalalalala—or whatever she's called—is more masculine than you!"
Anakin turned around. "I'm sorry, Senator Palpatine, were you saying something? I couldn't hear you over the sound of myself angsting."
"ARGH! That does it! I'm blowing this pop stand galaxy and finding a REAL badass to help me overthrow the Republic…"
And so, the future Emperor and poster-boy-for-bad-makeup-effects-everywhere traveled through space and time to find the best candidate to turn to the Dark Side of the Force.
His travels naturally led him to Earth—Feudal Japan to be precise—where all manner of battles and nasties could be found. There were bandits and warlords and demons—surely one amongst them was destined to rule a long time ago in a galaxy relatively far away.
First things first—the Emperor pulled out an old metal detector he'd made some unique modifications to. Instead of detecting metal, it detected high levels of midichlorians.
"Ugh," the Emperor grumbled, "Even I find the concept of midichlorians to be ridiculous…."
"Dum dum dum dum da-dum dum da-dum…" the Emperor sang the Empire theme song to himself as he searched.
Eventually he came upon a little green, amphibious man squawking about and carrying on and tripping over himself. Obviously this fellow was nothing but an annoying pillar of comic relief.
"Oh geez," the Emperor mumbled, "I guess every galaxy has its Jar Jar."
But surprisingly, the midichlorian detector started beeping more excitedly when pointed in the direction of the toad creature as it ran yelling, "Wait for me, Lord Sesshomaru!" The Emperor had no choice but to follow.
Indeed, this Lord Sesshomaru guy turned out to be quite the Dark Side contender. He was tall, imposing, statuesque, and his midichlorian count was off the chart. There was only one small problem…
"You look like a girl." The Emperor sized Sesshomaru up sourly. "Dammit, that was part of the problem with Anakin in the first place!" And he ran off before Sesshomaru finished deciding whether to ignore the stupid peon or rip him to bits.
Next, the Emperor came upon an odd-looking creature that called himself Naraku. He was an abomination of sorts, with tentacles poking out of his back, barriers surrounding his body, a callous, self-assured smile—and one hell of an annoying laugh.
"Kukukuku…" Naraku laughed. The sound grated on the Emperor's ears. The dude was evil no doubt, probably crazy too, which was always a plus in the supervillain department, but there was one problem…
"You're pathetic!" the Emperor screamed. This supposed villain's midichlorian count was infinitesimally low. "And it's taken HOW LONG for these people to catch you? Unbelievable!"
The Emperor left Naraku to enjoy the company of his own ridiculous laughter, and ventured on. He was determined to find a suitable candidate to lure to the Dark Side…
The midichlorian detector was beeping like crazy! This was it! This was the big jackpot!
The Emperor skipped like a little schoolgirl in the direction the detector lead him, unable to control his excitement. His quest was almost over!
The detector led him to a strange looking boy with white hair and fuzzy dog-ears, surrounded by a group of indistinct background players that must have been his friends.
Dog Boy called out, "Hey old freak, who are you?"
The Emperor squealed. That was just the sort of badass attitude a Sith lord needed. "I'm Emper—Senator Palpatine, and if my calculations are correct, you are the biggest badass in the Feudal Era, and you have a great future ahead of you! What's your name?"
Dog Boy's ears perked up smugly. "Inuyash—"
"Oh wait, no." The Emperor frowned, pointing the midichlorian detector at him. "The radar isn't pointing to you. It's… The person beside you!"
The Emperor pointed, hand quivering, at the awe-inspiring figure who struck fear into even his own black heart. "You! You are destined to be the most powerful, dangerous, and deadly force of destruction in the entire universe!"
Everyone turned their heads to…
"Kagome?" they all yelled in unison!
Inuyasha's jaw dropped. He shoved a finger at her accusingly. "You possess the power to be a terrifying force of indescribable evil?"
The seemingly harmless teenage schoolgirl in the green miniskirt blushed sheepishly. "…What?"