Chapter 6: The Great Ice Cream War
Aragorn listened to the guards' stammering report in silence, but his eyebrows were drawing closer and closer together in an expression of boundless rage.
"Your majesty, there was nothing we could do! How were we to know it was a trick?"
"It should have been obvious. I need to find some intelligent guards. You're fired. All of you."
"Yes, your majesty." The guards inwardly exulted.
"Now, this is war!" said Aragorn.
So it was that a week later the armies of Gondor and Rohan met. The three Elves had anticipated this, and had fled the country long ago. They were nowhere to be found. But Eomer had been the brain behind it all, and Aragorn was quite content to destroy only him. Eowyn felt duty bound to fight for Eomer, but she didn't particularly want to. Faramir was put out.
The Great Ice Cream War had begun.
Of course, no one really wanted anybody to get hurt, so all were armed with squirt guns. Eowyn said to Eomer, "I told you you would start a war."
"So you did, so you did. Great fun, isn't it?"
Faramir called to Eowyn, "How could you do this to me?"
"Don't get distracted, Faramir!" Faramir got a mouthful of water.
"Ew Eowyn, what did you put in the water? It's awful!"
"None of your business."
"Is it poisonous?"
"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't."
"Come on, just tell me!"
"Nope! Then you would get scared and run away. I wouldn't want to do that to you!"
Whereupon Faramir got scared and ran away.
Eowyn was soaked and thoroughly enjoying herself, as it was a very hot day. Unfortunately, the heat didn't last. Heavy storm clouds were rolling in.
The storm broke. Soon, everyone was shivering and sneezing.
"Aragorn, we're all going to get hypothermia and die! Give it up!" Called Eomer.
"Release the prisoners, and the war will be ended.!"
"All right then, the war goes on!"
"Oh, very well. Bring forth the prisoners."
Many tall glasses containing something unfamiliar were escorted to Aragorn.
"What's that?" asked Aragorn. "It doesn't look like ice cream! Give me my Ice Cream!!!"
"It is your ice cream!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is! Lord Aragorn, may I present to you a very clever new invention – quite tasty too –