Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.
A/N: This Chapter has some sexual language, so...you have been warned (body part names and , really bad cuss words)
The school bell rang at 3:00pm. All the ran out, glad the day of school is over. We would usually take the bus home, but for Stan's sake, we walked. Cartman, being his own lazy self, said, "Screw you, I'm going home." and climbed onto the bus. Well that's great for me. Usually, Cartman slows us down.
"So Rae. Did you remember your key today?" Kenny teased. "Ha ha, Kenny." I said sarcastically. "A matter of fact, I didn't. I have in my pocket. Which reminds me: Do you guys want to come over and watch 'Terrance and Phillip' with me. My mom bought more Hot Pockets."
"Sure." They all said. We walked to my house. It took us about 3 times more than usual since we didn't ride the bus. But we arrived. I took out my key , and we went inside. They guys sat on the couch. Kenny switched through the channel and then it landed on 'Terrance and Phillip'. Even though we're older, we still enjoy it. I quickly put Hot Pockets in the microwave and then passed them out. All of them were pepperoni except for Kyle's, whose was just cheese.
"I think I have a penny stuck up my ass. Can you check"
"Why, sure Phillip"
We started to laugh. We laughed the whole time through out the show. Then we heard a knock at the door. I went to opened it. It was Butters. He smiled and stuttered, "I-i-i-is Stan h-h-here?" "Yeah. Let me get him."
I went back into the living room and said, "Stan. Butters wants to talk to you." Stan stood up. His brows furrowed in confusion. Kyle and Kenny stood up too and we all went to the door. Upon seeing Stan, Butters held out a note. "T-this is from W-w-wendy."
Stan looked at the note with disgust, like he didn't want it. But he picked it up and Butters went on his merry way. We closed the door and huddled around Stan. He opened the note. A strong stench filled the room. We held our noses. "She sprayed it with perfume!" I said. Stan started to read and then crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash can.
"What did it say?" Kyle asked.
"She wants me to meet her at Starks Pond. But I'm not going. She'll probably ask me to go out with her again." Stan said.
There was a silence. Kenny looked at the clock and gasped. "Holy shit, dude. I'm late for work." He said bye and ran out the door towards his apartment. Kenny works at a fast food place called, "Junk In A Bag". Really weird name, but it's popular among the fatties (especially Cartman).
"I'm gonna go too. Butters probably told Wendy I'm here." Stan said and walked outside. He waved and then headed home. It took me a couple seconds to realize I was alone at home with Kyle. "So, do you want to do anything?" he asked me. I thought, 'What can we do?'.
"I don't know. We can do homework." Homework? I don't want to do homework! Why did I say that?
"Sure. If you want." Kyle said and we took out our books. We sat on my dining table and we did homework. Well, Kyle did. I was sorta busy staring. I never really noticed but Kyle looks really cute when he's thinking. After a few minutes I was brought out of my daze by Kyle. "Do You need help on your homework?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Oh, alright. You seemed kind of confused. You were just staring into space." Kyle said and went back to his work. I hid my blush behind my book. Which reminds me, why is math important? It's not like someone will come up to you and ask you, "If a bowling ball weighing 10 pounds fell from a 50 feet high building, what is the rate of the ball falling?"
Again, instead of doing stupid math, I stared into space (aka Kyle).
2 Hours Later
"Honey I'm home." I heard the front door open. It was my mom. She came into the dining room/kitchen. She saw me and Kyle doing our homework and smiled. "I'm glad you two are working together!" and just went upstairs. I looked at the clock. It was already 6pm. "Damn. My mom is going to be pissed!" Kyle said and started to gather his stuff. I frowned. I wish Kyle could stay longer. But knowing Kyle's mom, she'd probably assume we were doing 'stuff'. I actually agree with Cartman (for once) that Kyle's mom is a bitch.
"Bye Kyle. See ya tomorrow at school." I said, waving. He waved back, said "Bye Rae." and left. My mom then reappeared. "So, you and Kyle were here the whole time alone?" She asked me in such an accusing voice.
I raised my eye brows. She better not be thinking what I think she's thinking. "No, Kenny and Stan were here too. But Kenny went to work and Stan went home." My mom squealed. "Oh, my sweetie's a boy magnet!" Then she shuffled away, smiling. What just happened?
I ignored her as much as I could. But at dinner, my dad came home and my mom started talking. "Pete! Raegan is a boy magnet! She just had a four-some with 3 boys!"
I dropped my fork. "Mom! I did not have a four-some. You know Kenny, Stan, Kyle and I have been friends since EVER!"
My mom sighed. "I guess my daughter will have to live alone forever a virgin." and then she started sobbing and ran upstairs. My mouth gaped. Is she serious? My dad gave me a stern look and then shouted, "Look what you have done! Your mother now think you will die alone, a virgin forever! Now tomorrow, you will lose that god damn virginity of yours, you selfish girl." and then he ran upstairs crying.
Wow, I never thought my parents can get any stupider than now. I finished my dinner, washed my dish and then sat in front of the TV until I felt sleepy and went up to sleep.
Stupid alarm clock. I woke up and did the usual. Took a shower, brushed teeth, dressed, and all that. I put on my usual black earmuffs and went down to breakfast. Mom and Dad were there. They were whispering together. When I stepped into the room, they shushed and stared at me. I ignored them and made myself breakfast. As I ate, my parents stared. Right after I finished, my mom stopped me from leaving. "Honey. We have to solve this problem of yours."
"What problem?" I pretended to forget. "You know the reason! You're not a whore." my dad said. "Oh, yea. But not being a whore is actually a good thing." I said slowly. "But I don't want you to live alone! You're 15 now. And you're not getting any younger! And if you wait until you're 17, you'll be too old!"
"Too old?" I asked.
"Yes! Your boobs would be sagged and your vagina will be all icky." Mom said. I stared.
"Well, anyways. You must find a boyfriend today. I expect you to be a sex-driven whore by tomorrow night." Dad said. I stared…..some more. I walked out of the room. As I left the house, my mom yelled out, "Make your parents proud! Become a whore!"
I blushed. I saw a neighbor outside, watering his plants. He stared at me. I hurried to the bus stop. Kenny, Kyle, Stan and Cartman were there. "Hey Rae."
"Hey guys." I said in a sighing voice. "What's wrong, Rae?" Stan asked me. I almost considered not saying, but I can trust them (except Cartman). "My parents want me to get a boyfriend, lose my virginity, and become a whore before tomorrow night."
They stayed quiet. Until Kenny broke it. " I volunteer." I gave his a look and he smiled wide. "I'm not really gonna become a whore! I'm just gonna lie."
"What if your parents want to see proof?" Kyle asked. I shrugged. "I'll buy condoms, or something and put them where my parents can see them. And then I'll just pay some guy to be my fake boyfriend."
We stood silent. I looked at the guys. Kenny was smiling, Kyle was looking at the ground, Stan was sort of thinking, and Cartman was….eating an extra EXTRA big bag of Cheesy Poofs. No wonder he was so quiet. The bus finally pulled up, and Mr. Dopacrack started yelling.
"GET ON THE BUS, PUNKS!" he yelled.
We went in and sat in our usual spots in the back. Kenny and I in one seat, Kyle and Stan in another and Cartman with his bag of Cheesy Poofs and his frog doll.
"So, who are you going to pay to be your fake boyfriend?" Kenny suddenly asked me. "I dunno. I guess someone I can trust." I said. He smiled wider. "I'll do it for free! And I can help you with that 'virginity' problem too."
I punched his shoulder playfully. "You pervert." I said. He laughed and said, "Thank you."
Just then the bus stopped and Wendy and her friends came in. Again, Wendy sat in front of Stan. She turned to look at him and said, "So, Stan. Did you think about it?"
"Wendy, I told you I don't want to go out with you. Just leave me alone, bitch." Stan said roughly. Wendy frowned but then smiled again and sat down with Bebe. They began to whispered.
I looked over at Stan, who was deep in thought. We finally arrived at school. When Cartman was coming out, Mr. Dopacrack actually put butter on Cartman so he can slide right off. We had a great laugh again and we head to our lockers.
As soon as Stan opened his locker, he groaned and slammed his head on his locker. "Shit. She won't leave me alone!" "What is it, Stan?" Kyle asked. Stan handed him a note and we (except Cartman who was eating the food in his locker) read it. It read: "Dear Stan, I really want you back baby. I miss you. Give me a second chance. Wendy."
"You have a stalker, Stan." Kyle said. He groaned again. Cartman then laughed with a full mouth. Which means every time he cackled, food spit from his mouth. "God Cartman. Can't you stop eating, fatass?" I asked.
"Shut up bitch! I'd rather be fat than a girl. Especially one as ugly as you!"
Oh, shit. No he didn't! I was about to jump on him and punch the shit out of him but I felt Kyle and Kenny holding me back. "Let me go! I have beat the shit out of him!" I yelled . A near by teacher, Mr. Ichicrotch our Math teacher, came over and yelled, "Miss Ferner! Stop cursing and get to class, all of you."
I growled as Cartman laughed at me. We went into our English class and sat in our regular seats. Wendy came in (boys started whistling) and waved at Stan (who groaned) and then sat in the back with Bebe.
Finally, school was out. It has been frustrating, since Wendy kept coming up to us and asking Stan out. She asked him out about…..7 times today. Kyle's right. Stan has a stalker. We walked out and we decided to walk again. But Kyle had to use the bus, since his mom got angry at him last night. I apologized and Stan, Kenny and I started to walk.
Bad idea though. Wendy walked too. She was pretending to talk to Bebe but really, she would just randomly say out loud so Stan could hear, " I bet Stan will say yes to me!"
"I know! Stan has to crazy not to go out with you!" Bebe played along.
We just walked faster. Finally we ditched Wendy. I knew she couldn't possibly walk fast enough in her hooker heels.
"Well, I'll be seeing you two." Kenny said as he headed toward his apartment. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, I was late yesterday, and so to make up for the money I lost, I had to take up another hour of work today. Unless you want to pay me to be your boyfriend." Kenny winked. I laughed. "Nah. I'll find someone to do that for free." Kenny waved good bye and walked away.
I looked over at Stan. He had a smile on his face. He turned to me and said, "Rae, I think I know how to solve both our problems!"
Oh my god! I jumped in excitement. "What is it, Stan." I smiled so wide. He looked around. "I should tell you somewhere private." he whispered.
"Alright! Where?" I asked. "Come on, my house." he said and we hurried to his house. Upon entering, I saw Mrs. Marsh and Mr. Marsh watching TV. "Hey mom, hey dad." Stan said as we ran past them. "Hey Stan. What are you and Rae up to?"
"Nothing." we said as we ran up to Stan's room. He closed the curtains in his room, and shut the door.
"So what's your plan?" I asked.
He shuffled a bit and said, "Well, you need a fake boyfriend, and I figure if I get a fake girlfriend, Wendy would stop stalking me, so why don't we get 'together'." He said , doing the little finger quote thingies when he said 'together'.
I gasped. "Oh my god. That would work! Kill 2 birds with one stone! You're a genius." I said. I stood up and danced around.
"So, what do we do first?" I asked after my jig. "We just walk around, holding hands I guess."
"Ok." We walked downstairs, hand in hand. It felt weird, but if this will help me and Stan, I'll do it."
We walked outside. "Where are you two going?" Mr. Marsh asked. "I'm just going to Rae's house." Stan answered. "Alright, just remember to use protection." Mrs. Marsh said, not really paying attention.
"Jeez. Why do parents think that's all teens do is fuck?" I asked.
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. Very Long and nice. Review!