Ladies Men

Rating: K+

Warnings: Yaoi, swearing, drinking, and attempted rape (lol, not exactly)

Pairings: One-sided RoyEd, one-sided Sasukemanyfangirls

Genre: Humor

Word Count: 534

Disclaimer: Please see my Profile for details.

Crossovers: Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Naruto

A/N: ... Not really sure how I came up with this. I was looking through my old notebooks and found this. Loved it enough to rewrite it several thousand times, so now I don't know WHAT the hell it says. Enjoy!

xXxXxXx

Life sucked in a variety of ways.

At the present moment, however, Miroku downed yet another cup of sake, his thirteenth cup so far. The bottle was wrenched away by a certain Roy Mustang, looking anything but intimidating with his hair mussed, eyes bleary, and clothes rumpled. Both ladies-men watched, depressed, as a black-eyed youth with hair styled to look like a duck's ass ran AWAY from a horde of sexy, scantily clad females, all screaming his name. Uchiha Sasuke just looked pissed, especially when he sent an angry glare at his blond teammate, Uzumaki Naruto, who was laughing at his teammate's predicament. And besides, why would he bother to help the bastard anyway?

Miroku, who chased after women and knew most of their devious ways, was deeply jealous that he couldn't have women chasing after him.

Roy, who was used to being chased after, was depressed and vaguely insulted that they were passing him up for some scrawny runt who played with fire. Disregarding the fact that Roy himself could technically be described as someone who "played with fire."

"Lucky bastard," Roy growled, taking a huge gulp straight from the bottle.

"I LOVE YOU SASUKE-KUN!"

"WAIT FOR ME, SASUKE-KUN!"

"LET ME HAVE YOUR CHILDREN, SASUKE-KUN!"

At this last yell, Miroku and Roy, words slurring, cried, "I'll have your children!"

They were promptly scratched half to death by irritated Sasuke fans.

"Ew, you're a pedophile! Sick!"

"As if! Your NOTHING compared to Sasuke-kun!"

And with that, they went after Sasuke again, who was seriously contemplating mass homicide.

Naruto was now clutching his sides and laughing hysterically, tears in his eyes.

The two forgotten ladies men lay twitching on the ground. Now their rumpled clothes and mussed hair were mottled with drying blood. Most of those fans were kunoichi (female ninja), and therefore carried weapons. Their self-pity party was interrupted when a short blond with a red coat walked up to the pair, and prodded Roy's ribs with the tip of his boots.

"Oi, Colonel Bastard. What the hell are you doing?"

Roy cracked open one eye to see a smirking Edward Elric leaning over him, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Staggering to his feet, he yelled drunkenly, "YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE! I'LL JUST BECOME GAY IF NO ONE LIKES ME!" And with that, he pounced on Ed.

"What in the seven hells are you … YOU BASTARD! GET THE HELL OFF ME! RAPE! RAAAPE!"

"Ssh, Ed, it'll all be over soon."

"THE HELL IT WILL!"

There was a bright flash of bluish light, and an enraged Ed stood over a drunken Roy, who was being held down by straps that had risen from the dirt.

Meanwhile, Miroku ignored the other two in favor for drinking from the forgotten sake bottle. Later on, two very worried women found the trio, Ed still yelling at a drunk Roy and Miroku lying spread-eagle on the ground, unconscious. Riza Hawkeye managed to (coughcough by shooting at Ed coughcough) pry Roy out of his predicament and drag him away, Ed following sullenly after. Sango just sighed and hauled the unconscious Miroku onto Kirara's back, muttering about idiot monks.

And Naruto was lying in the background, forgotten but STILL laughing.

xXxXxXx

… Oh dear. That didn't turn out like I thought it would.

Insert standard demand/plea/bribe for reviews