A/N:Still alive. Like GLaDOS.
But regrettably less awesome. Until I find some way to write GLaDOS into this thing (Portal game reference).
Shizuka walked back amongst Sunagakure's shopping district.
Ramen… where was the Ramen…
This cursed place seemed to be in a terrible Ramen drought, and it was quite vexing. She wanted to cheer up her master very much.
Perhaps a different angle…
It isn't right for him to be sad, when he makes me so happy. I love him so much, and I'm so useless at so many things. I'm confident in my carnal arts, but my tea-ceremony skills are poor. My art is at the grade-school level. I can barely play the Shabisen. My dancing is nonexistent. I am helping him a lot more now, with little things, but I want him to cheer up quickly. I want to express how very happy I am every day, with all the little things he does to take care of me.
Like when we're walking, and he keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure I'm not lost. I love it. I really love it.
It would all be so much easier if I could push him up against a wall and…
It might make him mad. I'd get told off… again.
It would be a relief though, to ply my most formidable skills… like XXX or OOO. Shizuka considered. ******-play would be perfect. Come to think of it, Master seems like the type that lets stress and worry build up, because he feels responsible for many things.
I bet he could do with a good ******. It would be good for him, I think.
Oh. And his new body. Yes.
He was complaining that it wasn't responding properly.
It has to be broken in.
…But where would I get rope strong enough to hold him down, much less elevate him upside-down helplessly in the shape of an inverse 'fire' katakana?
Shizuka's derailed thought-train was pulled to a roaring stop as she felt a hand grab her shoulder and turn her around.
"Shizuka-san. So this is where you've reached. Now… I know that you were part of the caravan attack-force. Or rather, you…" Shizune narrowed her eyes, nose twitching as she proceeded to chide menacingly. "… you were having naughty otouto thoughts."
The entire intimidation was rather ineffective, Shizuka thought.
Shizuka knew Shizune as well as she knew the rest of Naruto's family. She knew them from across various pitifully one-sided battlefields.
Naruto's sister truly was a terrible force, this much Shizuka knew, but the onee-chan just didn't have that kind of face. The more she tried to imply potential suffering, the more she just seemed adorably out of place.
Still, Shizuka was rather unused to being sneaked up on, and so found herself oddly alarmed.
"But... you're not my otouto." Shizune continued. "You're not anyone's otouto. You're a girl. And you have no known family."
Shizune took two shuffling steps forwards, twitching her nose continuously. Shizuka backed up into a wall. "Why are you setting off my naughty otouto thought sensor?"
Presumably, Shizuka thought, the naughty otouto thought sensor reacted to both Shizune's otouto having naughty thoughts, and having naughty thoughts about Shizune's otouto.
Which Shizuka found rather insidious. She wasn't having perverted towards her Master! She was erotic at him, not perverted. Certainly not naughty. She didn't want pleasure from him, she wanted it for him. She was a professional.
She'd crossed the line? Nonsense. Couldn't be.
Shizune closed in with her kind of cute, frowny pout.
Shizuka frowned as well. "To be clear," she prepared to defend her 'good name' as a proper courtesan, as she drew herself up to present a maximum aura of refinement and lecturing intelligence, "it isn't real rape if the rapee retroactively consents during the debilitating fog of pleasure wrought after a substantial marathon of reluctant sex."
"Yes it is." Shizune corrected with a deadpan stare. "It's still rape."
"Are you very certian?" Shizuka challenged. "Is that your authentic, professional opinion? Can you say that with real conviction?"
"Totally." Shizune deadpanned. "100%"
"Tch." Shizuka sullenly snapped her fingers in the universal 'miss' gesture.
In response, Shizune pulled a kunai.
"It will not be as before." The courtesian warned in response. "There will be no sad, comical defeat for me today. I am no longer that woman. I was free then. Now I am bound."
"You…" Shizune muttered "…are a pervert. Stay away from my otoutou." And she charged.
Jiraiya was roof hopping, looking for his nephew. Being the Toad sage, this meant what he was doing was rather more impressive than regular roof hopping. It was graceful, and acrobatic, and he'd never be caught dead having it attached to his good name as a drunkard and a rogue. Luckily, the entire village had boarded themselves in their own homes at the news of his arrival, so there were no witnesses to be had. An odd, sad perk of being a war hero/terror in a few unfortunate border disputes during his youth.
But then, lemons and lemonade and all that.
But the point was that he was very good.
So it was with some alarm that he slipped on the domed surface of one Sunagakure roof and tumbled down the three story drop to land on his ass.
"Well." He said. "That was unusual." He had been struck by a sudden bout of… weakness. "It's almost as if…" He mused. "…somehow, somewhere nearby… there is some great and unusual opportunity for peeping that has unmanned me."
And so, the great man stood up and dusted himself off. He nodded. Yes, that must be it. It was his faithful, trusty, fun/perversion sensor acting up again. "Tally ho." He declared.
Tsunade was at a bar, busily hitting the well known information-centre for… well… information.
And free alcohol.
Appearently these people were terrified of her teammate, and they felt that throwing alcohol at her before boarding up the door would make them all safer.
Come to think of it, there was that one time Jiraiya had the unnecessarily large Gamaooki piss on an entire Suna trade city, before setting the giant magma-toad's flammable urine on fire.
They'd been at war and all, but even she'd been terrified of her teammate that day.
All the same. Free booze.
Life and lemons and lemonade, and all that.
And it was helping her stay calm because she'd been in this town all day and she couldn't damn well sense her own son.
Which meant he was:
A. Not here
B. Too low on chakra to even be sensed
C. Hiding from her
Which meant she was:
C. F*cking pissed
Where the hell was her Naru-chan?
But suddenly, halfway through threatening a bar patron with a half-full, sloshing jug of sake, she experienced a sudden and distinct ping in her awareness.
It wasn't a chakra-signature. It was more oblique than that. It was hazy and sinister, and so very damn exasperating.
Her pervert sensor was going off.
God damnit Jiraiya.
He was supposed to be looking for her son.
"Excuse me." She huffed, throwing the jug aside in annoyance. The man she'd been shaking down for information shook in terror.
Tsunade just stomped over to the boarded up door and ripped the whole thing off the wall. "I'm going to go beat the shit out of my perverted idiot teammate." Was her only explanation to the room.
Being met by the oddly uplifting cheers of the residents, Tsunade began to wonder why they didn't just f*cking live in sunagakure.
"…Oh." Shizune muttered when at last she was able to work her mouth into coherence. "That's what you meant." She said as she stared, reverse-gripped kunai still in hand. "You were free…" She muttered, looking to the tear of her opponent's kimono. She had slashed through silk and, apparently… bindings. "And now you are bound. I thought your build had become rather more agile. I guess having all that… free mass would have slowed you down all these years. "
"My chest was bound." Shizuka said sourly. "Until you cut through my bindings. But that wasn't what I meant."
Shizune was struck with the odd notion of apologizing, right before a certain white-haired sage dropped four stories onto the scene.
"Halt!" He commanded, authoritatively, before striding over to an abandoned Taiyaki stand. He brushed aside the cutlery there in a clatter, perched upon the countertop, and reached around for a bag of confectionary delight. As he settled in for the show he gestured to the two combatants. "All right. Continue with the strip-fight."
Shizuka did a double-take, before grabbing the torn edges of her kimono and pulling them more tightly around her now unsupported bust as she glared venomously at the voyeur. "I'm exclusive." She declared. "Business is closed. Forever."
"That's okay." Jiraiya nodded. "I'll just sit here and watch."
"Jiraiya-sama!" Shizune exclaimed in exhasperation. "This is Shinonome Shizuka! She's been trying to kill Naruto-kun since he was six! She's violent, unreasonable, rather insane, and relishing of her insanity! She's a bad-guy!"
"She may be evil!" Jiraiya loudly admitted, brandishing a Taiyaki. He then shook his head side-to-side slowly, a display of his somber denial of Shizune's logic. And so he said, in a philosopher's tone: "But her breasts… have committed no sin."
"Wha…" Shizune started. "Buh…"
Crash. Bam. Kablooey.
Enter Tsunade, amidst destroyed wood and Taiyaki explosions of pure force. Jiraiya rolled to the side, barely in time, and as such kept his head attached for another fruitful day of peeping.
"Jiraiya. What do you think you're doing?" Tsunade asked rhetorically. "Are you perving out when you should be – hey!" She exclaimed. "That's Shizuka. You're Shizuka!" She accused, pointing. "You're that bitch that's been ineffectually trying to kill my son for six years! I heard you teamed up with some missing-nin, and got your shit together. I heard that you've been causing trouble." Tsuande menacingly advanced on the afore-mentioned woman. "I guess you stopped being funny."
Tsunade's close range jab was respectably crisp in delivery, but Shizuka was faster. She swerved to the side easily, and yet the emanation of shockwave-force that was her master's trademark caught her and threw her bodily into a wall.
Tsunade, having expected this, dug her feet into the pavement and launched off with one single, powerful lunge that tore up dried earth and sent her hurtling at her reeling target.
She, in turn, found herself tackled desperately into a full-nelson. "Tsunade, wait!" Jiraiya cried.
"I've got no time for your shit, Jiraiya!" Tsunade growled, preparing to flex her superior might. Had it been almost anyone else, she wouldn't have even noticed the assault in her current state. "Naru-chan's still lost and my buzz is wearing off." She warned. "Shit's going to get real."
"Tsunade. I'm sorry." Jiraiya apologized seriously. "But this big-breasted kimono-clad woman is obviously fighting your apprentice in some form of god-given, impromptu, middle-of-the-street strip-fight, proving once and forever that miracles really do happen, and that damn-well trumps any kind of logic you might attempt to throw my way. I'm sure that Naruto, who I'm also sure is fine, would agree with me if he were here – loving and dutiful godson that he is."
There was an ominous, creaking sound of metal twisting and snapping as Tsunade worked her hand around a stool that had accompanied the unfortunately destroyed Taiyaki stand. Jiraiya, who couldn't see this from his position very well, asked: "Tsunade? What's that?"
"My old, unfortunate aquantance," Tsunade answered, "that's the sound of shit getting real."
There he was, sitting in his pillow and directing Sakura through some rudimentary first aid. She had quite a talent, actually. Her mind moved faster than her hands, and her hands had a good dexterity to them. If she had the disposition, she might make a great healer of herself one day.
But she was not that, Naruto knew. She was a fighter and a lover. She was a spitfire wrapped up in pink and fluff. Medicine wouldn't do her any damn good. She needed to burn that fluff to cinders just so that she could see she could.
But she was good at medicine.
And Sasuke was good at pretending not to experience pain.
"So…" the Uchiha said with only a slight pause, from his position laid out upon the carpet, "what the hell have you been doing anyways, you idiot?"
"The usual, you jealous emo." Naruto answered aloofly. "Kicking ass, taking names, saving the world."
"Picking up psychotic servant-girls?" Sasuke answered.
"Hey." Naruto snapped. "No one ever said saving the world was easy. There are terrible costs that must be paid."
"Bullshit on saving the world, bullshit on paying costs, and bullshit on you kicking any kind of ass. You probably just did something stupid." Sasuke declared with a nasal inflection.
"How did you wind up with that woman, Naruto?" Sakura asked, even as she finished setting Sasuke's nose. "We'd heard that she was an enemy."
"Funny thing. She seems to think that she's a servant, that I deserve a servant, that I need a servant, that she loves me, and that I love her back."
Sakura blinked. "Well… is it true?"
"Is what true?"
Sakura gestured vaguely, attempting to encompass her wide breadth of confusion. "All… that."
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "No, I will be the first to admit that I am awesome but no, no, god I hope not, and not in any non-platonic way."
"Hmmmm." Sakura seemed thoughtful for some moments. "Nope. It still sounds like bullshit." It just didn't add up. If it didn't make sense, then it must be love. And if it made sense for a person to submit to servitude, then it must be duty. Or also love. It couldn't just be nothing.
Sasuke had the oddest, welling emotion. It was kind of like pride, except not about himself or his clan. It was like he was proud of Sakura.
He almost said 'that's my girl.'
But it was completely out of place, and he expected it was just a floating rib, so he ignored it.
This was when Naruto, quite out of the blue, jolted in place, cracking his low table in half.
"Aw, crap." Naruto muttered. "There goes another one. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a low table in this country, which you can sit at from a nice fluffy cushion on the floor? They all like that raised table stuff over here."
"Well what was that about?" Sakura asked. "It was like someone put ice down your shirt."
"No, well, it's my…" Naruto trailed off. "Don't laugh, but it's my… pervert sensor. It alarmed on me."
"What." Sakura deadpanned.
"My pervert sensor." Naruto repeated. "Houou family technique. I heard nee-chan has some weird variant. Kaa-chan discovered it, after years and years on the same team with Ero-Uncle, as a deviation of the human instinct to survive and get pissed off. It has since been mastered to a terrible pervert-destroying degree."
"Oh, I actually understand that." Sakura admitted. "I've met your uncle. When he met he tried to guess my three sizes. And then he had the nerve to tell me to call him in five years if I 'grew breasts'."
That was before Tsunade had almost kicked said balls out of the picture forever.
"Yeah, he does that on reflex. He has a theory that one day it will work. So you can see why I just ignore my pervert sensor at this point." Naruto said with a shrug. "Between Ero-Uncle, then you, and now Shizuka, it's just always going off."
"Hey." Sakura warned.
"But this was something heavy." Naruto muttered. "Something ancient and potent. Something matched in its single-minded intensity, only by its incredible lack of any kind of self-preservation instinct."
The young adolescent 'hmm'ed and 'haaa'ed for a bit. "Pretty much gotta be my uncle." He deduced after a time. "I'm going to go out." He proclaimed.
So saying, Naruto stood up, walked over to the door, and crushed the door handle completely.
Then he sighed dejectedly.
"Sakura-chan… could you…"
"Yeah." She agreed gingerly, going over and turning what was left of the broken handle. "No problem."
She tried not to express too much pity, or amusement, for his sake.
Naruto stepped out the open door, and prepared to rooftop.
It was after Naruto went crashing into the second story of a neighboring house like a bullet that Sasuke felt himself cracking a smile. "It's the little things in life," he surmised, "that makes the pain and humiliation all worth it. Little things like the pain and humiliation of my enemies."
And the sigh that drifted in from where Naruto was beginning to work himself out of rubble was like a soothing balm to Sasuke's floating rib.
It was a scene of mostly-pointless destruction. So largely-pointless was this destruction that the inhabitants of Sunagakure, who had long since become accustomed to demonic bloodlust-quenching destruction, began to feel nostalgic for the good old days when massive city renovation held some form of twisted meaning.
Still, no one lodged a complaint, as they were all huddled in their safe-rooms. For whatever good that did.
"By the way, Tsunade," Jiraiya began as he bobbed and weaved through house-crushing fists of destruction, "can I borrow a camera, or possibly a tape recorder so that I may better record this momentous occasion? I know you always pack a spare."
"Yeah. Sure. Old friend. Old pal. Old comrade. Stand still and take it like the bitch you are!"
Boom. Crash. Kablooey.
Shizune faltered in her stare-down with Shizuka, distracted with glances to the left. "Erm..." She muttered. "They're not always like this…"
Why was she apologizing to the enemy?
Shizuka returned a flat look. She knew better.
"An-Anyways… right." Shizune cleared her throat. The mood was just all weird now. It was even hard to remember what she was fighting for to begin with. Oh. That's right. "Shizuka Shinanome, you are a pervert and a… a… bad person!" She declared hotly. "So… stop it! And don't you do anything deviant with my otoutou!"
Shizune wasn't very good at these kinds of confrontations, actually. When she wasn't being a cold, emotionless, ninja-killing ninja, she largely didn't have to get angry over anything that couldn't be resolved with a lecture to her brother or incessant wheedling to her shisho. When she was being a cold, emotionless, ninja-killing ninja she didn't even talk to anyone, much less get into arguments.
"No. Good and evil are not for you to decide." Shizuka, one arm still pinching her damaged kimono neckline, declared this proudly.
Then, she looked left. "They are…" Then, right. "They're for…"
Shizuka… did not have a pervert or a perverted fun sense.
Nor did she have chakra sense.
She just had good hearing.
"…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH SHI – !"
Boom. Crash. Ka-groaning.
As the dust settled, a figure of brown was seen sticking out of the ground. Mr. Shojou's excellent quality, borrowed pants, along with the rest of Naruto's lower half. "Ow." Came a muffled groan from the direction of the excellently clad lower half. "What the hell was that? I can't even leap now? The toads are going to kill me. With teasing. Toad summoner can't leap without eating cloud and dirt." He muttered darkly as he attempted to work himself out of Sunagakure's crusted earth. "Gamakichi'll have a field day."
"Ero-sennin?" He called, as he pulled himself free. "Are you there?"
"Here, Master, stand still." Shizuka offered, producing a handkerchief from some mysterious place and wiping the dust from his eyes and face. "Oh. You've ruffled your Hakama." She tsked. "I'll fix it."
"Naru…" Tsunade's brow furrowed. "…chan? No. Your chakra's wrong. Similar, but… and you're too old. And I don't sense a henge… I think. Not a normal one. I didn't teach Naru-chan my Genesis-Henge." Tsunade frowned. "Unless he's been peeking at my scrolls again."
"Naruto-kun?" Shizune asked.
"That was an awesome leap, and a comically amazing landing." Jiraiya stepped forwards. "Kid? That you? Got any… proof of ID?"
On reflex, Naruto snapped his hand out into the traditional family 'proof of ID' finger flick pose, but faltered. "No." He groused. "I can't."
It might do nothing. It might blow a hole in his godfather's head.
Ero-Sennin was supposedly awesome but he'd never seen the proof. He couldn't.
"I… don't… have proof of ID." Naruto said, in realization. "Not in any way."
All the power, control, and medical techniques he'd devoted his life to were rendered either lost or inoperable. He'd lost everything that made him himself.
"I have no proof of ID." He repeated to himself.
"Master, am I evil?" Shizuka Interrupted. "Am I a pervert?"
Naruto snapped to her, at the abrupt and unusual question. He found she seemed sincere in her query. It had nothing to do with the situation at hand… but he had no idea what would help with the situation at hand. So instead he said: "No, you're not evil Shizuka. And not a pervert… You're just confused. You've been confused for a long, long time."
"Oh… my son!" Tsunade cried, enveloping Naruto in a bear-hug that would have crushed lesser offspring. "There you are! Aha! Ahahaha! You damn brat!" Sniffle. "Damn… inconsiderate… brat! I was… I thought maybe… Oh, I'm just going to noogie you so damn much!"
"Wait," Naruto said in a panic, "what?"
In moments, Naruto found himself in a familiar necklock.
"I'm happy you're okay!" Tsunade cried, ignoring a few stray happy tears as she collided her fist with her son's head in a terrible grind. "You little brat!"
"Ow! Holy crap, Kaa-chan!"
"Otoutou!" Shizune exclaimed, coming over quickly, and embracing her adopted brother's now unoccupied midsection in a slightly awkward, bent hug, to accommodate his ongoing noogie. "You had us all worried!"
"It's good enough for me too." Jiraiya said with a smile, as he regarded his stepson from before, arms crossed. "That line was just too you." Jiraiya shook his head indulgently. "You've got a big heart, and I understand that you've always had a particular soft spot for that particular pair of breasts. I must say, my boy, I must applaud your inclination. Quite a connoisseur's choice, that."
"Oy." Naruto ground out through teeth clenched in pain.
"What happened to you, huh?" Tsunade asked happily. "Your chakra has been modified to a strange degree."
Before Naruto could muster the air to reply through his neck-hold, however, Tsunade took note of something not upon her child's boogied forehead. "Naru-chan… your mark." She whispered. "It's gone."
Shizune gasped. It was true.
"Naru-chan… what have you done?" But of course… she knew what he'd done. The pieces fell into place. It was no transformation technique her son had used, save for the most fundamental of all. Growing up.
He'd fukcing gone and grown up without her.
Naruto winced, before sighing. "I may have… possibly gotten into a bar fight with an ill Momochi Zabuza and his vaguely-gendered apprentice. And… I might have gotten in too deep and needed to burn my entire Genesis reserve. And I might have grown three years." He admitted reluctantly. "Or something."
Naruto waited, and waited, and when no terrible motherly wrath was forecoming he finally attempted to crane his neck up. What he saw, was his mother looking down upon him with an expression he had honestly not expected.
He'd prefer the wrath.
"Well…" He muttered, searching for the right words. The perfect words to fix it all. He didn't find them. "...It just sort of happened."
"Just sort of… You 'just sort of' fought a Seven Swordsman?" Tsunade growled.
Naruto let out a breath, knowing he was about to get the shit kicked out of him in righteous fury.
Still better than seeing her afraid.
"In a bar?" She demanded, jostling his head forcefully in her necklock. "In the middle of an ocean? How does that 'just happen?' No fight in any bar just happens. Ever. Under any circumstance. Believe me, I'd know. Someone's always looking for a fight, and someone else always takes them up. Young man, did you – did you take Momochi Zabuza up on a bar fight? You're not allowed to do that!" Tsunade exclaimed. "Special Jonin and below! That's what I said! And no bars! I was very clear!" She said in motherly outrage. "You can't just… just run off, and – and get yourself almost killed, and – and go growing up randomly! You can't! I won't allow it! Fuck that!" She swore in outrage. "Fuck that with a tetanus-laden can opener!"
Naruto bristled. "Hey! It wasn't like that. The… you-know-what… needed help. I ran into Zabuza above it's nest. I… couldn't let him just go!" Naruto explained. "I had to. It was the right thing to do."
"You didn't have to do anything." Tsunade frowned. " You're a healer. You're a kid. You – You leave that stuff to the adults!"
"They were all busy!" Naruto protested with fire. He was sorry for worrying her. She worried too much. But he wasn't sorry for what he did. "Everyone was busy! There was just me."
"Then you wait for me!" Tsunade growled.
"I didn't have the time." Naruto defended. "There wasn't any time."
"Like hell…" Tsunade ground out. "What're you going off playing Hero for? You think I taught you to fight so you could go get yourself in over your head – so that you could die and you could leave me, too? I didn't teach you shit like that!"
"You did." Naruto answered. "You taught me to be a Hero."
On this scandalous, unforgivable accusation, Tsunade released her son for the briefest of moments, just so that she may pull him up by his collar and stare him in the eyes directly. "I never would. Heroes die. All the best men die. I taught you to defend yourself and yours. I taught you to stay alive. I taught you to be a healer."
Naruto normally wouldn't wilt under his mother's unyielding glare, but here he looked aside first. He did not want to say what he would say next, for he could feel that it may hurt her in some meaningful way, but it was the truth. It was what drove him. In this whole mess, it was what drove him. And it was why he would not take it back if he could. "You taught me that healers were Heroes too." He whispered at last. "You taught me that when I was three."
"I… did. But that…" Tsunade muttered, letting go of Naruto, and backing away as if suddenly afraid at what he had said. "I didn't mean it. I was just… trying to get you into it. I wanted you to inherit my skills."
"But I never forgot it." Naruto explained patiently. "And you and nee-chan never, ever did anything to disprove it. My patient needed me. I couldn't just run away. You'd have never run away."
Tsunade collapsed to sitting on the empty, crusted dirt road with a 'whumph', her strength leaving her.
Her feet lay sprawled before her, her hands dangled listlessly. And she thought about what she'd made her son into. "You shouldn't do that." She said finally. "That kind of life never got anyone anywhere. All the men I love are dead, and my own life has been a train wreck I wouldn't bear to live twice. Don't do what we do." She said seriously. "Be greedy and you can be wealthy. Be cowardly and you can be safe. Be happy and well, and let the world go fuck itself." She looked up at her son. "That's all I ever wanted for you."
Naruto knew that really was all his mother ever wanted, and he ran a hand through his tousled up hair awkwardly. "Mom. I was fucking well raised better than that."
"Well-!" Tsunade started, before the fire snuffed out of her. "Well… shit." And she couldn't help herself. She had to smile, though it hurt her as well. "Oh… come here you idiot. Give me a hug before I get my senses back and beat the adorable out of you."
When she got over being happy he'd made it back to her alive, she was going dangle this brat over an evil pit of boiling ramen. For the irony. And then she was going to treat him like more of a kid than she'd treated him when he was twelve.
He'd better have photographs for her.
A/N: Stupid fanfiction dot net and it's stupid document manager. It doesn't lke bullet points or a, b,c lists. Or anything. It took me ten goes at the save button to get it to stick... for now. Is it fun? Stifling my creativity? Does that bring you enjoyment, you stupid manager of documents?
I heard they took down all the even slightly pervy stories or something, too. Bullshit! It's still literature! I hate YAOI as much as the next person that hates YAOI, but you don't see me calling for the erradication of it. It still deserves to exist for the people that do love it.
Shit. Why can't I make this story move faster? Shit. Every other story is easy. Well, except for Vacation. But that's because Vacation isn't a story that's meant to move very fast. Tsunade's Heir is just...
The characters here are just too much... muchful... or something. Pushy limelight hogging bastards, all of them.