Chapter 14

I stared at my notepad with a blank face. I felt like somehow, I had expected words and ideas to miraculously pop up by themselves. But then again, that seems like an uncharacteristically wishful thought from the famous Kyon…

It felt like I had been staring at this notepad for years. I read aloud what I had so far.

"Step 1: Make Haruhi feel better.

Step 2: ...

Step 3: … Profit?"

What the hell am I even doing?

I fell back down onto my bed and sighed. It felt like I was exhausted even though I hadn't done anything yet. I lifted the notepad to my face, and my frown kept getting bigger and bigger, until…


I ripped the page out of the pad, crumpled it into a ball and threw it into the bin beside my bed. This was clearly not working out, so I jumped out of bed and made for the door. I threw myself out, slamming the door behind and running down the corridor like a man with a purpose.

This wasn't a problem that would be solved with a mere pen and paper.

No… It was time to use the same plan that has saved this world so many times before.

It was a foolproof plan that had seen me through many battles for the planet's survival.

The ultimate tool when reality would openly bend to stop you.

Of course, I was talking about winging it.

… Yep… That's my master plan.

Sorry Earth, I'm an idiot.

Haruhi was still lying in her bed. She hadn't slept, and the bags in her eyes had grown dark. She was clearly annoyed, but the other girls had left to soak in the springs, leaving Haruhi to sulk alone.

"Stupid Kyon… Who cares what he does… I can just ignore him for all I care… That idiot…"

Haruhi mumbled under her breath restlessly, tossing and turning. Clearly the appearance of Haruka, a self-proclaimed childhood friend of Kyon's, had left her in a sour mood, even if she would never admit it herself.

"Ahhh, Kyon!"

She shot up and threw her pillow in irritation.


Haruhi stiffened, wondering why her pillow would make such a noise as though it was alive. Or perhaps it was an alien, or a time-traveller? Or maybe even an esper? Or maybe-

"… Kyon."

"… Haruhi…"

Kyon had run in without a second thought, and with otherworldly timing was slammed with an angry pillow in the face. The pillow slid off his face like a bad joke, the light thud of it hitting the floor being the only audible noise as Kyon and Haruhi stared at each other silently.

"Um… Good morning…" Kyon started awkwardly, waving slowly. Haruhi was up on her knees, clutching at her chest in surprise. As the realization of what was happening reached her – that Kyon saw her with puffy eyes, messed up hair, and her pajamas – her face turned a bright red as she clenched her face in embarrassment. Without another word, she began to launch pillow after pillow at Kyon, followed by whatever poor object found itself in her reach.

"H-Hey… Wai-… Stop!" Kyon attempted to dodge everything in vain. He shielded his face, slowly inching towards her as alarm clocks, random articles of clothing, and eventually small pieces of furniture came flying his way.

"Stay away!" Haruhi felt like she was growing more and more shy.

'If he comes any closer, he'll see how messy I look!'

Haruhi took a moment between hurling a stool and hair straightener to consider what she was thinking, and this only made her more embarrassed.

'If he sees me like this, what would he think?!'

I fought my way towards her step by step, dodging the toothbrush, but before I could feel proud of that I felt a tube of toothpaste slap me in the cheek.

Should've taken the toothbrush and avoided the toothpaste, it could've been softer on the face.

Haruhi's face was red, and it looked like her hands were able to find things without even using her eyes. It was almost as amazing as the idea of having SO MANY THINGS in her reach. Then again, this was Haruhi, after all. Logic wasn't really the best thing to go with here.

"Seriously, stop!"

I finally reached her, grabbing her arms before she could throw a wall safe that had somehow found its way to her. I pushed her back, the safe falling behind her off the bed, as I crashed on top of her, pinning her body down with mine. I stretched her arms flat onto the bed, finding my face right on top of hers.

"Stop fighting me, Haruhi!"

I felt her body stiffen, and her eyes widened slowly. I could feel her holding her breath, not saying anything to me. Now that I'd gotten to this point, I wasn't entirely sure where I was going with this.

"Just… Just listen to what I say, okay?!"

Haruhi still didn't say anything, but she let her breath go, making a strange kind of *higu* sound. It reminded me of a noise Mikuru would make somehow.

Hm… Okay, so I ran here with no idea what to do, and one way or another I've got Haruhi alone. So I should say something to make her feel better.

"I know you've been waiting for me to do this for awhile now…" Surely, you've been expected an explanation about my supposed childhood friend.

Haruhi gasped a bit as her body shivered slightly.

"And I've been wanting to do this since last night…"


She tried to look away from me, so I pinned down her hands with one of mine, and used my other hand to pull her chin to face me. The way she stared up at me was like a lost child, with a light tear welling up in her eye. I couldn't let up yet though, I had to make sure she understood very clearly what I wanted.

"You trust me, right?"

She hesitated for a moment then nodded, her chin still in my hand.

"You'll listen to me now, right?"

Again she hesitated, and then nodded. I felt her arms loosen up, so I let them go. She didn't move anymore, just stared up at me, waiting for me to speak.

This… This seemed to be going really smoothly! If I had known a bit of forceful action would get her to listen to me, I'd have tried this a long time ago! I had to get the whole story out there now, while I had her.

"I'm going to start now, okay?"

She still wouldn't utter a word. She nodded again, her eyes staring up at me.

"Just be ready, it's quite long…" The effort I'd need to make to convince would surely be a long argument.

Her mouth let out another *higu* and her lip quivered.

"W-W-W-What do you mean, l-long?"

"Well, I mean it's a big thing. It'll take awhile to get it all out."

"Get it all out?!"

"Well, it's not like this was going to be easy, right?"

"B-But it's my first… I mean… I don't…"

Surely this wasn't the first time I've been this forceful with her, but I guess she's just exaggerating. She tends to do that, after all.

"Don't worry, if you knew how things went with the others, this is actually quite tame."

"With the others!?"

"Yeah, Mikuru, Yuki. Even Koizumi and I have had some deep moments."

"D-D-D-Deep moments?! W-W-W-…" Haruhi started shaking quite a bit. She gave me a strange expression that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was like she was mad, but confused as well.

"Forget about that, this is about you right now!"

She stiffened up again. Her face was entirely red, and her stare at me was starting to make me reluctant to treat her so roughly.

"Close your eyes! You're making this hard!"

She looked up at me for a final moment, before she gave in and closed her eyes. Her head tilted forward a bit, and she puckered her lips a bit. It looked like she had eaten something sour. It was kind of cute, but now was not the time for that.

"Here it comes…"

She nodded. Her breathing grew heavier. I knew that I just had to go for it all out.

So I did.

"I don't really know who that Shimizu Haruka girl is, I can't even say for sure if she's a childhood friend."

"… What?"

"I mean, she might be, but if she was all that stuff she said before about us being lovers or something is definitely not true!"

"… What."

"So like I said earlier, this is pretty hard for me to explain, and it could be a long shot for me to get through to you, but you need to trust me on this!"


"What I'm trying to say is there's really nothing going on with me and that girl! For all I know she could just be some crazy person with a messed up memory!"

Haruhi wasn't responding, just staring at me with unimpressed eyes. Maybe she still didn't believe me?

"Get off."


"Get off me. Now."

Oh right, I was still on her…

"Get off! And get out!"

Before I knew it, Haruhi had thrown me off her with strength that she didn't have before. I barrel-rolled across the floor, all the way to the door.


Before I knew it another barrage of random inanimate objects came flying at me. I could swear there was an invisible conveyer belt that was sending all kinds of objects to her, but I didn't want to stay to find out. Haruhi's face was just as red as before, but I'm pretty sure she was really angry with me.

I dashed out the door, closing it behind while yelling out a quick "Sorry!"

Slumping onto the door, I could hear Haruhi still screaming out, throwing things continuously at the door. All I could hear was the word 'idiot', the rest of it I couldn't really make out.

Damn, I've messed up again. Great job Kyon, you've probably doomed the world. Nice.

I sighed once more, thinking about calling my little sister to tell her she could have my video games. But before I could sulk any longer, I realized Koizumi was standing next to me, leaning on the wall. I almost jumped when I noticed him, but I didn't want to give him the pleasure.

"Long time no see, Kyon." His incessant smile was there, as always. "Things seem to have gone well with you and Haruhi?"

I wouldn't put it that way…

"Why the long face? Whatever it is you did, it appears to have had a positive effect. Things aren't perfect yet, but you've managed to prevent any major catastrophes from occurring any time soon."

… Seriously? That can't be right… "Are you sure?" Part of me thought Koizumi may have been pulling my leg.

He smiled. "Good work." With that, he walked off, leaving me there, baffled, with what I imagined to be a very dumb look on my face.

I don't know what it was that made Haruhi feel better, but I guess I should just be glad that I didn't make things worse.

I thought back to what had just happened, wondering if her lifted spirits was one of my actions. Holding Haruhi down, having her listen to me, and that shy look on her face…

"You have a dumb look on your face right now."

The familiar voice came from the other side of the hallway, where I saw Yuki staring at me, wearing a white robe. Her hair was still damp.

"Enjoying the springs?"

"Observation duties required me to be present in the springs."

"… Ah."

"It was required."

Of course it was, Yuki. Of course it was.

A/N: … Heh. Happy new year, everybody.