WRESTLING ISLAND EPISODE 2
WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME:
Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of two wrestling shows
They started out really small
Now one stars lots of 'hos
Bishoff was a silly man
Vince was brave and sure
Millions of fans sat on their butts
For a 3 hour Pay per view
(a 3 hour pay per view)
WCW started getting rough
Their mighty ship was tossed
If not for the courage of Vince and friends
All of Wrestling would be lost
(all of wrestling would be lost)
Both shows set ground on Monday Night
On major network TV
With Shane McMahon
The Vin-man too
Ted the billionare
And his wife
Too many movie stars
The talent and
Here on Wrestling Isle!
Last time on Wrestling Island – Vince McMahon challenged WCW to a Pay-per-view.
(Before the PPV starts, we see a backstage interview with The ROCK)
MEAN GENE OKERLUND: Rock, you may know me from WCW. I'm Mene Gene Okerlund!
ROCKY: It doesn't MATTER what your name is! Here... hold this. (The Rock hands Mene Gene a coconut with a picture of a Brahma bull, and a tin box with a picture of a brahma bull)
MEAN GENE: What's this, Rock?
ROCKY: Well, Bob... since the Rock has nothing else to do on this rooooody pooooo island, he's been cooking! (The Rock points to the coconut w/Brahma bull) THIS, jabronie, is a little something The Rock likes to call the Rockonut. (The Rock then points to the box) and THIS is what the Rock calls his Roooody poooo candy palm leaves. They are electrifying snacks for the millions (takes a deep breath) and millions of the Rock's fans!
MEAN GENE (sniffing): What's that smell?
THE ROCK: What YOU smell, jabronie, is what the Rock is cooking! That would be the Rock's supper for tonight. Now get outta my face before the Rock takes his Rockonut, shines it up real nice, turns it sideways, and sticks it straight up your candy ass!
MEAN GENE (turns to the camera, still holding the Rockonut, and the roody poo candy palm leaves): Back to you guys in the arena!
* * *
(Back in the arena)
SCHIVONE: Thanks, Gene. Now let's start off the PPV!
(The PPV starts, and consists of exciting low-card matches such as The Cat vs Bart Gunn; Lash Leroux vs Jesus from the Boriquas; and Jerry Flynn vs Prince Iakuea -- who seems incredibly at home on this island)
(The next match is Goldberg vs The Undertaker)
(There's an explosion of fire works, and a familiar theme song)
SCHIVONE: It's GOOOOOOOLDBERG! GOLDBERG IS HERE!! Look JR! It's GOLDBERG. It's the Phenom of WCW!
JR: Will you calm down?!
LAWLER: The Puppies are here too! I saw Debra in the back, JR! Woo hoo! PUPPIES!
(Goldberg makes his way to the ring, and grabs the mic)
GOLDBERG (grunts a bit, then says): Undertaker!! You're NEXT!
(The torches go low, and the familiar sound of chanting can be heard.)
SCHIVONE (scared): What's that?? Is it the island natives?
(Undertaker's music starts up, and he makes his way to the ring. Undertaker comes face to face with Goldberg)
UNDERTAKER: They call you the phenom? Well, there is only ONE phenom. That is ME! The Lord of Darkness!! I will see the maggots feast on your rotting corpse!
(Goldberg actually looks somewhat scared, and turns to Schivone)
GOLDBERG (to Schivone): What's going on here? I didn't sign for this!
(Out of nowhere, a UT symbol appears. Goldberg is quickly tied to it, and thrown in the lagoon. Undertaker walks back to the dressing rooms).
RING ANNOUNCER: The next match, scheduled for ONE fall, is a shrunken head match! The loser has to get his head shrunken by Kamala the Ugandan Giant -- whom we just recently found hiding in a cave on this island.
JR: So THAT'S what happened to him!
(The familiar words 'you think you know me' are heard throughout the island)
RING ANNOUNCER: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Toronto Canada, EDGE!
(Edge enters, and bounces on the rope as usual. The top rope is only made of leaves and grass and therefore gives way. Edge falls face first into the laps of the female fans in the front row. They are more then happy to cushion his fall)
(There is 5 seconds of silence. The torches suddenly go out, then there's a flash of light. The torches light up again, and a hard-rock theme starts )
RING ANNOUNCER: His opponent, making his way to ringside, hailing from Winnepeg, Manitoba, Canada -- Y2J, Chris Jericho!
(Jericho grabs the mic)
CHRIS JERICHO: Since when is this a shrunken head match? There's no way I'm putting MY lovely head on the line!
EDGE (grabbing another mic after finally getting free from the overzealous female fans): Neither am I! Let's go out for a drink instead.
(Kamala looks disappointed)
JERICHO: Hey, we're on a deserted Island, pretty boy! Where do you expect us to get a drink from?
EDGE: Who are YOU calling Pretty boy, pansy??
JERICHO: Pansy?! I am your role model! Your HERO! I am NOT a pansy! (He looks at Edge). I also have the mic skills that you can only dream of, Wedge!
EDGE: It's EDGE... and while you may have better mic skills, *I* have more female fans!
JERICHO: Not after I get you in the Walls of Jericho!
(The two begin the match, which goes to the outside of the ring.)
SCHIVONE: Look!! Edge.. er.. uh.. Jericho... er.. I mean.. uh... one of the blond Canadian guys has the... uh... OTHER blond Canadian guy in a headlock!
JR: Both these young men have gotten very popular with the female fans lately!
LAWLER: I'M very popular with the female fans!
JR: Stuff it, King.
(The Female Fans are screaming their lungs out for their favourite star.)
(Edge and Jericho's match takes them to a nearby coconut tree. Two coconuts fall from the tree, knocking each man unconscious. All the female fans leave their seats to try and help them.)
(Eric Bishoff is seen talking to someone backstage)
BISHOFF: So... go out there and beat-down Jericho! I'll make him pay for leaving WCW!
PERSON BISHOFF IS TALKING TOO: Why the hell are you telling ME to get him for?! I'm SIDING with him -- you jobbed BOTH of us to hell!
BISHOFF: But... Goldberg...!
PERSON BISHOFF IS TALKING TOO: Who the hell you callin' Goldberg, little man? I'm "Stone Cold" Steve Austin! Goldberg is in the lagoon!
BISHOFF: WHAT? (runs out from the backstage area) Someone drain the lagoon! My only young star is in there!
(Everyone grumbles, as it seems the PPV has been postponed for now as they try to fish Goldberg out of the lagoon)
VINCE McMAHON: I'll get you next time, Bishoff!
* * *
THE NEXT DAY
(Kane and X-Pac are sitting by a palm tree. Kane is trying to stuff pieces of coconut through the little mouth hole in his mask)
X-PAC: Keep eating like that, big guy, and you'll put back on all the weight you've lost! (Kane takes off his mask, and whacks X-pac over the head with it) Ewww, man! Put that thing back ON!
(Kane pouts, and puts his mask back on).
* * *
(Debra is in her bamboo dressing room, trying to hook two coconuts together)
JEFF JARRETT: What are you DOING?
DEBRA: I figured out a way to hook these two coconuts together with this wire I found on the ship. We can make a radio!
JARRETT: Uh.. Debra... those aren't coconuts! Those are your...
(Suddenly the sound of an ECW broadcast comes to life from Debra's coconuts)
DEBRA: Sorry... what were you saying, Jeff?
* * *
(All the wrestlers are hanging around by the lagoon. In the distance, Goldberg is bashing his head against a tree, pretending it's a locker)
AUSTIN (looking at Goldberg and shaking his head): Stupid SOB. (He sighs in despair) I need a beer!
ROCKY (overhearing Austin): You want a beer?? Well the Rock's been cooking -- and he's made some electrifying moonshine! Have a swig! (hands Austin half a coconut shell with beer in it)
AUSTIN (drinking the beer): Damn... this is stronger then what I'm used to!
ROCKY: Of course it is. Coors Light is water! THIS is made from the Rock's own special recipe!
JERICHO (shouting from a few feet away): Hey, Crocky! You got any more of that Molson Canadian we found in the fridge of the Wrestle Vessel this morning?
ROCKY: It's "ROCKY", and the Rock doesn't have your damn Molson Canadian! The Rock makes his OWN electrifying beer!
JERICHO (coming up to Austin and Rocky. He notices the beer Austin is drinking): Hey... what is that?
AUSTIN (holding his half-full coconut shell protectively): It's MINE! Go away!
ROCKY (hands another coconut shell to Jericho): It's the Rock's own! Try it.
JERICHO (takes a swig): HEY!! This is Molson Canadian! You DO have it after all!! Give it!!
ROCKY (looking nervous): No! The Rock makes his own! GO AWAY before the Rock sticks his boot up your candy ass!
(Rocky runs away and trips over Al Snow, who's busy talking to a fish)
AL SNOW: Hey! Watch it, Rock!! You almost stepped on Silvy! (He points to the fish)
ROCKY (shaking his head): The Rock thinks you are one messed up jabronie!
* * *
(Benoit is sitting by himself, lamenting)
BENOIT: Do the job. Do the job. That's all I ever hear!! (sighs) Why didn't I sign with WWF? WHY WHY WHY!
(Jericho happens to walk by and hears Benoit muttering)
JERICHO (looks at Benoit): Well, Benwar... that's because you absolutely SUCK when it comes to decision making!
BENOIT: HEY! I don't need you to give me a hard time, Chris!
JERICHO: I'm not giving you a hard time! I'm just saying that I was smart, and you weren't. So nyaaah!! Here... have a drink!
BENOIT: It's not that crappy American beer, is it?
JERICHO: No way! It's the good stuff from back home in Canada!
BENOIT: Ooh! Afterwards, can we go cripple Bishoff?!?
JERICHO (nods his head slowly): Suuuuuure we can, Benwar... suuuuure we can...
* * *
(Back at the WCW camp, Bishoff is on his hands and knees... begging someone for mercy)
BISHOFF: I'm sorry the ratings have been down! I'm sorry we couldn't sink the WWF! Please don't fire me! PLEASE! Show me mercy!
(A man, wearing a golf hat and golf shirt, is in a huge bamboo chair. He leans forward. It's none other then Billonaire Ted himself)
TED (looking at the woman beside him): What do you think, lovey? Should we show him mercy?
(We see the woman beside Ted. It is Jane)
JANE: Oh, why not!
TED: Fine. Prove to me that you deserve another chance. Sign me some more talent that will make our ratings skyrocket!!
BISHOFF: But all the WWF guys are happy where they are!
TED: Then you have to convince them that they are UN-happy. Or else, find me some NEW guys!
BISHOFF: Where?? We're on an island and... (stops and thinks) I got it!! I won't let you down! I will find new talent! And you will be very very happy!
TED (to the woman beside him): You know, lovey... I think we might finally get rid of Bishoff after all!
JANE: Wouldn't that be lovely!
(Suddenly, Ted seems upset. He looks around desperately)
TED: Where's teddy!! I can't find my teddy!
JANE: Here you go, dear. (Hands him the teddy bear)
TED (relieved as he hugs the teddy): Thank you, lovey!
* * *
(We see Bishoff frantically looking around the island for the WWF guys. Apparently, he's gotten lost)
BISHOFF (yelling out into the open with hopes that one of the WWF guys will hear him):Anyone want a 5 year contract for 6 Million dollars?! (he hears drums beating in the distance) Oh oh... this can't be good.
TO BE CONTINUED
WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME
So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends
They'll feud for a long long time
They'll have to make the best of things
Because bookers are hard to find
Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too
will do their very best
To make Bishoff uncomfortable
in this tropic island mess
No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer
Not a single luxury
Like Bishoff's main eventers
It's primitive as can be
So join us here each week, my friends
You're sure to get a smile
From several stranded Wrestling stars
Here on Wrestling Isle