Link and the three bears

By: Shannon

NOTE: I do not own the characters in this story.

Once upon a time, in the Lost Woods, lived three bears. Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear. They lived in a small cave off of the Lost Woods near Kokiri Forest. One day, Mama Bear was preparing lunch.

"Hey!" snapped Papa Bear, banging the table with his huge paws. "Where's my lunch, doggonit?"

"Hey, I'm only a bear!" said Mama Bear in a Brooklyn accent. "Shut up, will you? Lunch is ready!"

Mama Bear came in with a plateful of cheeseburgers. The bears said their prayers and took one bite into them and grimaced.

"My burger is too rare!" shouted Papa Bear. "You wanna make me sick or something? You should've made porridge!"

"Oh shut up, Harry. They can't be that bad!" She bites into her burger. "Oh my gosh! They are rare!!!!!!"

Baby Bear bit into his burger and made a face. "Well, my burger is too rare too! Ma, what are you trying to do, give me ecoli poisoning?!"

"Well, we'll just have to put them on the grill a little longer," said Papa Bear, putting them back on the grill in the kitchen. "We'll go for a nice, peaceful walk in the woods and when we get back, the burgers will be safe for us to eat."


Just after the three bears left their cave, Link and a biologist and a zoologist were walking around in the woods, looking for bears to use as part of Hyrule's Bear Conservation Project. Their job was to take a few bears into captivity into Hyrule's zoo and breed them with other bears. They were looking around the Lost Woods until they could smell something cooking from a nearby cave (where the three bears live).

"Huh," said Link. "Must be some Kokiri's having a barbeque or something."

"That may be sir," said the zoologist.

They entered the cave to find three, completely burnt hamburgers on the grill in the kitchen, with a bite mark in each of them.

"I'm starved," said the biologist. "What do you think, Link?"

"Well, they've got bite marks in them."

"But we've been working since 7:30 a.m and we haven't had breakfast," said the zoologist. "And I'm starved."

So the three of them ate the burgers and complemented on how they tasted.

"Somewhat burnt, but okay," said the zoologist. "Not exactly my cup of tea." He put his burger down on his plate

"What do mean 'okay'?" said the biologist. "Mine's burnt to a crisp and tastes like the bottom of a shoe!" He put his burger down on his plate.

"Well at least they're not like, rare," said Link. "Mine's perfectly well done."


After Link finished his burger, the trio then ate the rest of the Cheetos in the cubbard and were kind of tired so they went upstairs to see if there were any places to sleep.

"This bed is a little firm, but I'm too tired to think it matters," said the biologist, plopping down on Papa Bear's bead.

"This bed is a little too soft," said the zoologist while lying down on Mama Bear's bed. "But I'm tired so I'm going to nap here."

Link climbed into Baby Bear's bed but it was not 'just right,' like most of us would think. Baby Bear's bed was so small that Link's legs dangled over the edge of the bed so he got up and found a futon in the closet and slept on that.

All was quiet until the bears came back from their walk. They walked into the kitchen and realized that someone had been eating part of their lunch.

"Someone has been eating my burger!" roared Papa Bear.

"Someone has been eating my burger," said Mama Bear. "Well, at least I don't have to worry about extra calories."

"Someone's been eating my burger and they ate it!" said Baby Bear.

Papa Bear went into the kitchen and found an empty bag of Cheetos on the countertop. His face turned a bright red. "SOMEONE IS GONNA PAY!" he roared. "THEY ATE MY CHEEEETOS!"


They could hear heavy snoring coming from upstairs so the three bears went to investigate. They found the zoologist, biologist, and Link sleeping in their beds (with Link sleeping on the rollaway futon bed).

"HEY!" roared Papa Bear. "What do you think you're doing in our cave?"

The trio woke up in a fright. "Oh boy," said the zoologist.

"Well don't just stand there!" yelled Link. "GET THE TRANQUILLIZER GUNS!"

"Hey!" yelled Mama Bear. "No good-for-nothin' Hylians are gonna be takin' us to no zoo!"

"Yeah!" said Baby Bear. "I'm not going!"

"Me neither!" said Papa Bear.

Just as Papa Bear uttered those two words, Link, the biologist, and the zoologist took aim and hit the bears with their tranquillizer guns. Then, they called in for reinforcements and took the bears to the Hyrule Zoo.


"Think about it this way," said Baby Bear as he was dumped into an enclosure with his parents. "At least we don't have to hunt for our food. They do that for us!"

"Yeah but we don't put powdered vitamins on it!" snapped Papa Bear looking at a dish of processed animal food, covered in that powdered vitamin stuff.

"And it's healthy, too!" exclaimed Mama Bear. "Just think about it, we'll be eating healthy for the rest of our lives!"

"I think I'm going to vomit," said Papa Bear.