TItle : Drowning Shadow
Author : KM
Feedback : (Please? This is my first fic and I'd highly appreciate it.)
Disclaimer : I OWN NOTHING and NO ONE. I'm just borrowing characters from people who rightfully own them.
Distribution : I do not want this to get out of this posting boards/group. Thank you! unless you ask kindly that is. :)
Summary : AU. This is based on Britney Spears' video "Everytime". Written in Angel's and Buffy's POV. Angel Matthews is the bad boy of Hollywood while Buffy Summers is the princess of Hollywood. They met, date and then stuff happened...



She looked at me and I frowned. She looked hurt for a second and glanced outside, looking at the glimmering lights passing by.

My cell phone vibrated and I answered the call. It was my publicist again. He shouted at me to not even dare step outside of the limousine and be seen with her again. He knew I always lost my temper when it came to her.


I felt her gentle touch and I didn't even glance at her. I just gestured to her to keep quiet. I heard her soft sigh as she looked once again outside.

I shouted back at my publicist. I told him to go to hell and mind his own business. I never felt the limousine stop and I never felt her leave my side. I hanged up the phone and looked at the empty seat beside me and the flashes of the cameras outside of the car. I could see her struggling body amongst the crowd, all trying to get closer to her. I quickly followed her and pushed some of the cameras out of my face. I tried to catch up to her but she kept on walking away.

As we entered the hotel's back doors, I see the tabloids. I felt my temper rising once again. How dare them write all those lies about her! How dare them ruin her life! I grabbed the tabloids and threw it at the paparazzi. I felt her small hands try to stop me as I grabbed a photographer's camera and try to push it to his face. I looked at her and I knew she was angry.

Angry at me, once again.

She did what she did best, walk away from me. Walk away from her problems. Problems that I have caused. I followed her and she pushed me away, shouting at me to leave her alone. Maybe I should have left her alone long before things became serious between us. Maybe I should have just walked away from the start.

We reach her hotel room and I quickly try to console her as she took of her coat. How many times did I tell her I'm sorry? How many times did I mean the things I tell her? How many times have I told her I loved her and mean it?

I loose my temper again, remembering the headlines of the tabloids downstairs. I picked up the vase and threw it, almost hitting her head as I shouted at her of how she could be so careless and stupid. I could already see the tears falling down her cheeks as she asked me to stop shouting.

I stopped myself and I sighed as I sat down on the couch. I kicked the coffee table and shouted in anger. I looked at her and she sadly looked back at me. I felt my heart break as she turned around and shut the door of the bathroom behind her. And once again, shut me off of her life.



I closed the door behind me and I wiped away the tears from my cheeks. He was at it again. How many times did I stop him from beating someone up just because that someone has a camera? He always says that he only beats them if the camera was pointed at me.

I looked at myself at the mirror and I see a shadow of my former self. I was just a shadow.

A shadow.

I throw the nearest thing I could get a hold on into the mirror and it breaks. Just like I had broken.

I pull off my clothes and I slip into the warmth of the bathtub. It's been so long since I felt the warmth. I've been feeling cold for so long. I've felt nothing but cold.

Ever since I met him, I have started to feel colder and colder each day.

And she closed her eyes to take away the pain.


"Hollywood bad boy, Angel Matthews, dates Sweet Princess of Hollywood, Buffy Summers!"

'Yes, it had come as a shock to everyone when Buffy Summers showed up on her latest movie premiere with Hollywood's bad boy himself, Angel Matthews. The two have allegedly been seeing each other secretly since they met last month on a party. Fans of Buffy Summers are shocked to hear about this little scoop saying that Little Miss Buffy Summers is too good for the Hollywood bad boy. Angel Matthews' say on this? "Mind your own fcking business!"'

"Still going strong? Or is this just plain wrong?"

'Hollywood couple, Angel Matthews and Buffy Summers, are still going strong. After almost a year of dating and a lot of brawls and late night shindigs, the couple is still going strong. Sweet Princess of Hollywood, Buffy Summers, is no longer being called sweet and she is absolutely no princess anymore. With her late night outings with boyfriend, Angel Matthews, the sweet little girl is no longer the girl the world supposedly knew. Fans are again saying that this relationship is just plain wrong. Angel Matthews' say on this? "Get your fcking noses out of our businesses!"'

"Another night, another brawl"

'Once again, in a brawl in New York streets, Hollywood bad boy, Angel Matthews is caught threatening paparazzi. The dating couple, Angel Matthews and Buffy Summers, has been under the public's eyes since their recent rendezvous to Las Vegas. There had been some reports that the two have gotten married but their publicists continue on denying this little piece of information.'

"Is it the end or not?"

'The rumors are now put to rest. Yes, the gossip running around that Angel Matthews and Buffy Summers have gotten married is put to rest. The two have publicly announced that they have broken up and are now living separate lives. Though sources say this is just a publicity stunt because of Buffy Summers' new movie which will be hitting theaters next month. Her publicists are now asking her to run around town and be the sweet little girl she is with her movie co-star and on-screen love interest, Parker Abrams. The two has been seen in all the right places this couple of weeks. Meanwhile, Angel Matthews is nowhere to be seen.'

"Trouble amidst an Angel and his Buffy--- Again."

'Parker Abrams is not pressing charges, his publicists inform our reporters. No, actor Parker Abrams is not pressing charges though his arm is in a cast and his nose is bleeding broken. The effect of a drunk Angel Matthews and him seeing Buffy Summers and Parker Abrams together at a bar last night.'


"I'm gonna kill you!" Angel shouted as he took a hold of the bastard's arm and twisted it. She was hers! She was his trophy! His!
"Angel, STOP THAT!" Buffy shouted at her boyfriend. Yes, he was still her boyfriend for they have not broken up. It was all a publicity stunt. And now Parker is caught up in all of this. "Angel, LET GO OF PARKER NOW!"
"Oh yeah?" Angel growled at Buffy as he dragged the bastard towards Buffy. He looked at Buffy straight in the eye, his face barely an inch away from hers. "You're even defending this bastard? After I see you out with him! How dare you!"
"Angel, please let go of Parker. Please just let him go," Buffy calmly spoke. She could smell the alcohol from Angel's breath.
"Fine," Angel spat out and let go of the bastard's arm and quickly walked away.
"Parker, are you alright?" Buffy asked as she kneeled down beside him. She looked at her bodyguard and spoke to him. "Could you please call 911, have an ambulance here immediately. I-I need to go talk with Angel."
"Yes, ma'm," Her bodyguard nodded and pulled out his cell phone.
"Thank you," Buffy took one last look at Parker who was still doubled down in pain and stood up, calling after her boyfriend who was already turning in the corner of the street. "Angel! Angel! Angel!"
"Stay the hell away from me, Buffy!" Angel shouted as he walked away. He could hear her heels already closing in on him. He felt her small hands on his arms as she pulled him back to look at her. He sighed as he stopped and turned around to look down at her. "What?"
"Don't," Was what she simply said.
"Don't what?" Angel spat.
"You know that we just needed publicity."
"Well, you have publicity now!" Angel angrily spoke as he pushed Buffy off of him with all his drunken rage. She gasped as she hit the wall behind her and then the pavement with a loud thud. Angel just smirked at her. "Suits you."
"Angel...," She placed her arms on her stomach. "I-it hurts."
"The hell, I care!" Angel walked away and left her in the middle of the alley road. Ignoring her sobs.



The only thing I was ever thankful for that night was that no one ever knew. At least, it never went out of the four walls of the hospital that...

That night I lost our child.

And it was all Angel's fault.


"Take me to the hospital now," Buffy told her driver as she entered her car. Her nerves were already getting to her.
"The same one Mr. Abrams was taken to, ma'm?"
"No, another one. Just a small private hospital, the nearest one here. Please do it quickly," She could feel the pain in her abdomen. It was killing her slowly. She never knew what happened next for she passed out from all the pain.
"W-where am I?" Buffy opened her eyes a few hours later. She saw her bodyguard standing near the door.
"Good morning, Miss Summers," A man in white suit entered the room.
"Yes, it is exactly 8:30 in the morning! I'm Doctor Baxter, I've attended to you last night when you were brought here."
"What happened to me?" Buffy asked.
"It seems to me you were unaware of your condition?"
"Condition? What condition?" Buffy worriedly asked. Was she sick?
"You were a month pregnant, Miss Summers."
"Pregnant?" Buffy did not believe what the doctor just told her. Even her bodyguard had to look at the doctor with doubt in his eyes.
"Were, Miss Summers, were," The doctor clarified.
"Were?" Buffy now knew why the pain she felt came from her abdomen. "I lost it?"
"I'm sorry. But you did have a miscarriage. There was nothing we could do, the child was still too young to survive your ordeal last night."
"Oh god," Buffy shook her head in disbelief. She lost her child. She felt her tears start falling. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god."
"I'm really sorry for your loss, Miss Summers," The doctor stepped back from her bed and exited the room, leaving Buffy to her mourning.



I never knew how he found out that I was at the hospital. Of why he even showed up that afternoon.


"I'm sorry," Angel tried to take her hands but every time he took it into his, she shook his away. "Baby, Buffy, Sweetie, I'm sorry."
"Get the hell away from me, Angel," Buffy spoke with so much anger, Angel could almost feel the anger radiating from her.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I was angry last night. I was drunk," Angel explained.
"You can never take back what you took from me last night, Angel. Never. Now please leave the room before I have you thrown out."
"Fine!" Angel angrily stood up and left the room. He kicked the trash can and it hit the wall. He sat down and thought about what just happened.
"What?" Angel looked up to see a doctor standing in front of him. Angel stood up and looked at the man.
"I'm sorry, sir. But you were the only visitor of Miss Summers and since she could be released by now."
"You want me to sign the release papers?"
"We were informed that you are his boyfriend, sir."
"Yeah, yeah I am."
"We suggest complete bed rest for a week," Angel nodded as he signed the paper. The doctor shook his hand. "Once again, I'm really sorry for your loss."
"Your child, sir, Miss Summers had a miscarriage last night."
"C-child?" Angel stepped back and he felt weak all of a sudden.



I never told her I knew that she had a miscarriage. I did everything I could to go back into her good graces. It was not easy but the guilt I felt from that night made me do everything, anything. It took months before she accepted me back into her life.

I bought us a house. A 12.5 million dollar estate specifically with five bedrooms, a swimming pool, a basketball court and a tennis court. I didn't even know how to play basketball and tennis! The press had a delight on that little bit of information. Me, Angel Matthews, buying a house? Everyone knew all I ever did through out my life was jump from one hotel to the other. I was on top of my career anyway, why not spend it for her? I bought her a car. I bought her everything she laid her eyes on. But I knew nothing would ever be the same again. The girl I met who was full of life was now just a shell of her former self.

And it was all my fault.

To the outside, we were back to normal. Trouble here and there. Brawls to the left and right. But behind the doors, behind doors... All she ever did was cry. After we have sex, as she stares out into the night, every night she cries. Sometimes, she lets me hold her and I whisper empty promises into her ear. Sometimes, she pushes me away and I watch her cry from afar.

I knew she was crying inside the bathroom right now. And I felt weak that I could not tell her I cared for her and I want her to stop crying. I wanted to tell her that I want to make everything better, but I cannot. I was never too keen on showing anyone my emotions. I never let anyone know how I felt.

I stand up to go check on her. I knock on the door and I hear no response. I walk inside and I saw the tub full of water. And I walk closer and I see her under the water.

Fear was the first thing that came through me as I jumped into the tub and I picked up her body. Do I know how to do CPR? I never ever took time to learn. I call out her name in vain as I check if she was breathing.

God no, don't do this to me.

I pull out my cell phone and dial 911.


She was taken in a gurney. The camera lights still flashing at her. I rode with her and for the first time in all my life, I felt cold and I felt the tears falling.



Is this heaven? I look around and I see Angel sitting beside me. I guess it's not heaven after all. I felt his hands gripping mine and I swore to god I can hear him sobbing. And then he spoke in a muffled voice. "Please, let her be okay. I fucking swear that I'll do a 360 change on my lifestyle and everything else. God I'll even do charity. Feed the poor and all that shit. Just please let her be okay."

Angel was making promises like that? I would have offered my life in a bet against this one. But what he just said did make me smile.



The doctor said she would be alright. I almost kissed the man when he spoke those words. That would have been something the tabloids had a good laugh over. I took her home and I laid her on our bed as she slept peacefully for the first time. I sat down on the big chair near our bed and I watched her contently.

It's funny how you realize that you love someone. Some people say they knew it the moment they lay eyes on the other person. Some people say they accidentally fell in love, not knowing how it came to be.

But me?

My love came the moment fear went through me when I found her lying under the water. So to say, I realized I loved her when I thought I'd never see her again. And I'm glad that it came, as they say, it was better late than never.

I feel something warm against my body, waking me from my slumber. I didn't even realize I fell asleep on the big chair. I look down and I was surprised to see Buffy cuddled against me. She was looking up at me with her eyes. She was so small and I want to protect her from everything. I vow to protect her from now on.

"Baby? I thought you were already sleeping?"

She won't speak, she just looked at me. And then she closed her eyes and leaned on me and in a faint whisper she spoke, "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetie." For the first time in the whole of our existence, I said the words with all my heart to her. And then I wrapped her with my arms and I placed a kiss on top of her head.

Love surely is a magical thing.


Review please. Thanks!