Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts in any way, shape, or form. If I did own it, I'd want to get it the clean way, in the shape of a highly legal and totally honest form of ownership. Preferably in triplicate.

Warnings: Er, mentioned Sokai and slight mentioned Sokairiku if you squint. Not-so-light Akuroku (because it's tragic, and, hello, look at the genres) and sorta-heavy Roxidus (my new favorite made-up pairing because blonds are so the bomb and Roxas needs Tidus's inspiration more than fairy!Yuna does.)

Other: My heart was screaming for me to let up on the ending and then I thought up the last line and went "omg must use" and so I did. Yes I'm hyper right now (phear me, grrr!) it's too early/late for me to still be up but it's not like I care. So, yeah, tragic ending, and the romance plays fast and loose with Roxas's leet Nobody skillz because he's that cool. And yeah, I use leet-speak when I'm hyper/tired. It's only used in jest, and only up here, so please don't report me. ;.; Oh, and again, yeah, the title is corny. It's the best I could come up with, and is subject to change.

The Despair of Love

Sora rowed his boat home in silence. Normally he would be celebrating a successful prank, but something about the look in Tidus's eyes that day had knocked him off balance. On top of that, he was worried about a blank spot in his memory. He had been sitting on the pier, talking to Roxas, and then he had been walking down the beach in the dark.


I rested as Sora tied his boat up and walked home. I rested as he washed the dye and gel out of his hair. I rested as he climbed into bed and fell asleep, and then I stopped resting and started reminiscing.

It hadn't been a long day, but it had been interesting. First there had been Sora's idea, but that had seemed to be dead when we reached the island and found no one there. I had been looking forward to a day of training and relaxation (not in chronological order, of course), but then the blond boy had showed up.

This, of course, forced me to tell Sora how I would react, every single time Tidus said or did something. I may have been made from him, but we're nothing alike. Really.

At first I didn't really like Tidus. Sure, he seemed nice and all, but he had stopped my barely-formed plans from reaching completion. On top of that, he was forcing Sora to bug me every few seconds, which was really annoying. Thankfully, quiet is one of my main traits, and I tend to stop and think before responding anyway, so Sora was able to keep up the act.

Then Sora and Tidus had sat on the pier, and Sora had chatted my ear off. Mentally chatted my nonexistent ear, of course. Everything he "said" was about Tidus; how Tidus had acted when they were kids, how much Tidus had grown, and how Tidus sure was acting differently today, and did I happen to know why?

Naturally, this prompted a sarcastic answer, in the form of "Well, I don't know, maybe he has a crush on me?" Sora freaked out. No, really, he did. All in his head, of course; I wouldn't betray any mental upheaval, so neither could he.

After a few minutes of him ranting about how that was impossible, how Tidus was straighter than straight and besides, it's not like I liked him back or anything, I felt the need to cut him off. Since sarcasm was already firmly lodged in my thoughts, I told him that maybe I did like Tidus back.

I thought that he would freak out again, maybe throw a mental tantrum or two, but instead he was quiet. For all of five minutes. Anyone who knows Sora knows that this is a sign; either it's because someone else is talking (for five minutes, though, that's probably a rant or a lecture), he's distracted (unless Kairi or Riku have suddenly taken up skinny dipping, I doubt anything could hold him for that long), or sometimes, it's because he's thinking. For someone like Sora, who may not be a genius but tends to notice things like patterns, a five-minute thought-process is...well, not exactly bad, but...worrying.

Then, suddenly, he said, "if that's the way you feel, then...I'm sorry." Just like that.

So it was my turn to think. Great. Just wonderful; Sora believed me, and was feeling guilty, for some odd– and probably dumb– reason.

...But Sora wouldn't do something like that. Not without checking first, if it was at all possible. And since it was possible, he had obviously done it. He had scanned our heart, and found some tie to Tidus that made him think that I actually liked the boy.

Wasn't that interesting?

So I checked as well. To be perfectly honest, I was afraid, afraid of what I would find, afraid that Sora was right.

Afraid that the heart I didn't rightfully own in the first place was slowly attaching itself to a boy that I had met only hours ago, and had never technically met at all.

Sure enough, a tie was there. Weak, wavering, and looking utterly pathetic, there was a small little line of light extending from Tidus's heart to ours, Sora's and mine.

It was so weak...so very thin, shivering in every spiritual breeze that hit it, trembling, like Tidus's smile when I glanced at him with eyes that he shouldn't have been able to see...

No. Bad, wrong, no. Love was for people who could afford it– people who could handle the loss of the other. Love was for people with a heart to hold it.

Basically, love was not for me.

I had made my mistake with Axel. I had loved him as my best friend– and maybe more, but there was too little time to explore it, to find out whether it ran deeper in our lost hearts– and had had that love ripped away from me, not once, not twice, but three times. When I walked away and broke his heart, when he disappeared and broke mine, and when he died and killed them both. The small bit of feeling that I had left, salvaged from Sora's heart when he became a heartless, was wrapped solely around my Other then. At first, that feeling was anger and hate, for being there when I could not, for watching as Axel's lost, broken heart died and doing nothing about it, but then I had known. Seen the hurt in his eyes, felt the sorrow in his heart, known that he was more heartbroken than I over the situation.

After all, he still had a heart to break. I didn't.

Not again, never again. I wouldn't do that to another person, and I don't think that I could do it to myself. Best to cut the tie, let it bleed a little and then scar over, to be replaced by another tie soon enough.

Sora would never agree. He would never allow me to hurt myself or someone else, especially a friend like Tidus. So I'd have to take over, and end the miserable existence of that frail, pitiful line before it turned into a double-edged sword and cut us both.

I engaged Sora in small talk, slowly gathering my power. I still had some left, and the oncoming twilight enhanced that. Nobodies are in-between creatures, and twilight is an in-between time; thus, we are at our strongest between day and night.

Tidus felt it, somehow; I could see the goosebumps on his skin, could feel his curious stare, could sense his hands twitch. I guess that being a spirit (at least technically) does have its bonuses, heightened awareness being the only one I could think of at that moment.

As soon as twilight had descended, I struck. Sora was peacefully out cold in seconds, without a hint of what had done it or why. I took over our still-conscious body by default and put my plan into action.

I turned to Tidus, and couldn't help but smile. He had a confused, slightly eager expression, as if he had known that something was about to happen, but had no clue as to what. I tried to think of something to say, but only the truth came to mind.

"Thanks Tidus. I had a great time." Well, it was perfectly honest. I remember that Olette had once said that to a boy she had dated, and Hayner had been livid when he found out. Judging by the dumbstruck look on his face, he had caught the subtext and understood what it meant.

Not knowing what else to say, I decided to say nothing at all. I just walked away. Away from Tidus, away from the tie, away from the potential heartbreak.

As darkness took control and chased away the twilight, I felt our tie weaken, and it twisted my heart.

A moment later, it roared to life, growing and glowing and defying the quick death that I had planned.

That moment, I learned despair.