What My Horses Would Do If They Met Edward Elric


Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, but all the horses belong to me.

A/N: This is a short one shot that came to me in a dream. It's about the FMA characters riding my horses. I thought it was funny, so I hope you enjoy it. Toodles!

Ed, Al (who has his body back), Roy, Riza, Armstrong, Falman, Breda, and Havoc all won a trip to a stable in Central for their excellent performance in the military.

"What kind of reward is this?" Ed asks as they make it up the long drive way of Hidden Haven Farm.

"I don't know, but quit whining about it you little brat!" Roy orders.


"He didn't say that brother," Al sighs.

Havoc finds a parking spot and says, "We're here!"

Everyone files out of the car and walks up to the building next door to the barn and Falman knocks on the door.

A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes opens the door and replies, "May I help you?"

"Yes. We're from the military and we won a trip down here to ride your horses," Armstrong replies.

"Oh! Well, hey y'all! Come follow me! I got the horses all nice and ready!" The girl replies.

Suddenly, a small dog comes from beneath a bush and barks at Breda, who is terrified.

"Someone help me!" Breda yells as he runs behind Riza.

"Be a man!" Riza orders.

The young girl from before comes around and picks the little vicious puppy up and replies, "Oh, I'm sorry. This is my puppy Riley. He won't bite. I'll go put him inside anyway since your friend would feel better…"

"Thank you Miss…" Al asks.

"My name is Allison, but y'all can call me Al. Everyone else does," Allison replies as she walks back inside.

Al…that's my name too…

Al begins to blush, but soon becomes aware of the fact that everyone is staring at him.

"What?" Al asks.

"You like this young woman…don't you Alphonse?" Riza asks.

"What?" Al yells in defense. "No! I just met her!"

The door opens again and Allison walks out with a smile saying, "Well…let's go riding!"

Soon, everyone makes it to the barn and Allison soon begins to explain on what must be done.

"Alright. First, you all must brush your horse down and make sure there is no dirt or baked on mud. It'll rub on them and they won't be too happy. The brushes are in the stalls. Second, you fly spray them. It's like bug spray except for horses. They'll be with the brushes. And thirdly, you saddle and bridle them up. I'll help you with that when the time comes. Now let me introduce you your horses!"

"I thought the horses were already ready?" Ed asks.

"Just do what she says and don't be lazy!" Roy replies.

Everyone follows Allison to the first stall and Allison pulls out a piece of paper and reads, "Armstrong?"

"Right here miss," Armstrong replies.

"You'll be riding our biggest horse. Sam. He's a Percheron and did foxhunting in his early days," Allison explains.

"Foxhunting has been passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!" Armstrong says as he flexes his muscles.

"Does he do this often?" Allison whispers.

"All the time," Havoc replies softly.

"Ok…moving on," Allison says as she walks down the breezeway with everyone, except Armstrong, following her.

"Now this is Pie. Breda will be riding him I believe," Allison explains.

"Right here," Breda replies as he walks up next to Allison.

"He's about a three years old and may be a handful," Allison warns.

"Got it," Breda replies.

"Now this is Airborn," Allison says continuing down the line, "I believe General Mustang will be riding him?"

"You may call me Roy," Roy bows.

"Ok…well…Airborn is one of the best show horses I have ever ridden. So some advise, you treat him good and he'll treat you good," Allison replies.

"Here is Alex. We call him Lolly, but Alex is his name. I think Falman will be riding him," Allison replies.

"Right here Al," Falman walks up.

"Y'all should get along great, but remember that he throws his head a lot, so keep a tight rein," Allison replies.

"Right," Falman replies.

I'll pretend I know what that means…

"Now, this is Honey. She is a little afraid of people, but once you get to know her she's a real sweetie. I believe Riza Hawkeye will be riding her," Allison says.

"Why is she blonde? All the other horses are black, gray, tan, and white?" Riza asks.

"Honey is a Palomino. It's a breed and this is the usual color they are," Allison explains.

Everyone else continues to follow Allison to the next stall.

"This is Sky. I think Havoc will be riding him," Allison replies.

"Cool," Havoc replies.

"Oh…" Allison stops walking.

"Is something wrong Miss Allison?" Al asks.

"I'm sorry…we only have one horse left," Allison replies. "And he was assigned to Alphonse…"

"But there are two stalls left," Ed replies.

"Yes, but…" Allison tries to say, but is interrupted by Ed saying obnoxiously "I'll take him! Don't worry! I'll be able to handle him!"

"Ummm…ok…But don't say I didn't warn you," Allison replies.

Ed, Al, and Allison walk up to the stall that reads "Jeremiah" on the nameplate.

Ed looks through the window and says, "You…have…got…to…be…kidding…me…"

"What brother?" Al asks.

"It's…so…tiny…" Ed responds.

"He's a miniature donkey…" Allison adds.

"Well, you could have told me!" Ed yells.

"I tried, but you wouldn't listen!" Allison replies defensively.

"Brother? Why don't you ride him? Is he rideable?" Al asks.

"Yes, but he may be a handful," Allison responds.

"I can handle him!" Ed yells.

"Ok…but be careful," Allison warns.

Soon, everyone was on their horse (or donkey) with Allison on foot leading them.

"Alright! First, we will go on a trail ride through the woods. Don't worry. I've been on this trail a million times," Allison says cheerfully.

She has such a cute smile… Al thinks as he and Ritz, Allison's chestnut baby, follow her down the trail with the others trailing behind.

"Stop moving your head!" Falman whispers to the restless buckskin, Alex.

"Nehhh!" Alex replies as he shakes his head once more.

"Good boy Samson!" Armstrong pats Sam's white neck and receives a whinny in response.

"Slow down Airborn!" Roy yells angrily to the black mustang.

"Very good Honey," Riza whispers in the ear of the blonde mare.

"Pie! Stop! Stay on all four legs!" Breda says panicked.

"Just don't look down Havoc….don't look down…" Havoc tells himself as Sky, the beautiful black Percheron/Quarter horse, trots gracefully behind Pie.

I feel like a total ass…what a great choice of words… Ed thinks as he and Jeremiah, a miniature donkey, trail behind everyone else.

The End

Told it was short…please review!