Hathor Vs The Computer
Or: Karma Sometimes Wears Steel Toed Boots
Or: How Not to fix a Computer
Or: Maybe Chibi Horsewoman should lay off the Sugar
Summary: Hathor, who I haven't tortured yet in any way, has some computer problems. So she calls what she thinks is the computer repair shop. Well it's not, but you'll see who she called. Don't scroll down to see who Hathor called or you'll ruin the ending and I'll be sad.
Disclaimer: This is what happens when you write things at one in the morning.
Dedication: BookWorm37 who wrote a killer SG-1 fic and my friend Charles AKA Duckie who got me hooked on SG-1.
Hathor was one pissed off goa'uld. Okay even more pissed off than usual. First her soap opera had been interrupted by the president of the United States so he could make some dumb speech. Then while she was watching her favorite talk show she ran out of her favorite ice cream. And finally to top it all off while she was typing up a complaint letter to her psychiatrist about her anger management her computer crashed. Boy was she ever pissed about that. There were pictures of certain male members of SGC on that computer and she wasn't done looking at them.
So Hathor did the only thing she could think of at the moment, she started beating on the computer with her fists. Yes that was a bad idea, but this is Hathor we're talking about. I don't think that she's exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Anyways, after slightly denting the monitor she got an idea in her badly dyed head and decided to call up the computer people.
After a bit of searching, since Hathor is a bit of a slob, she found the yellow pages and quickly dialed what she thought was the number for a computer repair shop.
"Hello?" Asked the voice on the other end of the line.
"Our computer kind of froze and got dented and We need you to come over and fix it." Hathor demanded hastily in her normal not possessed sounding voice.
"But ma'am… we don't do house calls." The guy on the other end explained in a bored tone.
"Well why not?" the goa'uld woman asked coyly. Hathor knew it was a guy on the other end of the phone, so she figured that maybe if she flirted a but she could get what she wanted. At least she hoped it was a guy. "We really need our computer to start working again since there are important documents that we need."
"We?" The computer repair guy asked sounding confused. "How many people do you have living in your head?"
"Just two. Thank you. Now why can't you make a house call?"
The computer repair guy nearly fell from his chair. This lady was a nut job. "Because our company doesn't have the funds. However if you give me the make and model of your PC I can assist you."
"Oh no you don't!" Hathor exclaimed slipping into her goa'uld voice. "We've heard about incidents involving people and wires. We don't intend to be one of them!"
The computer guy dropped the phone at the sound of her voice. This lady wasn't kidding, she did have two people in her head and one was trying to get out. "Just calm down lady. I have no idea what you're talking about." He said picking up the phone again. "I can assure you that no one has been injured by wires that I know of."
"Are you sure?"
Hathor considered this for a while. On the one hand she didn't want to risk having her nice cozy apartment explode because of some idiot repair guy, but on the other hand she didn't want to go through the terrible withdrawal of not being able to look at her pictures. "Fine. We'll do it." She said still using her goa'uld voice. "Just tell us what to do."
The computer repair guy sighed loudly. This was probably going to take a while and land him in therapy. "Okay so you tried pressing control alt delete and nothing happened right?"
"Yes, and nothing happened."
"Well what you need to do first is unplug the computer."
Hathor complied. "Okay now what?"
"Open up the tower and rip out the hard drive"
"Okay." Hathor tore out the hard drive and ripped out a few wires along with it. "What's next?"
"Get a magnetic tipped screw driver and begin poking around the motherboard and the hard drive." The computer repair guy was trying really hard not to laugh at the advice he was giving.
Hathor found a magnetic tip screw driver and began to do exactly what the guy had ordered. "Okay we have successfully poked around."
"Cool. Now open up your hard drive and remove some random acts of memory."
"Some what of what?"
"Some of the chips. And you can just toss them out."
"Hmm, alright." Hathor shrugged and began to comply. "Finished
"Good now put it back in the tower and reboot your computer."
Again Hathor did as she was told then tried to log back in. Nothing happened the screen was blank. She was pissed off. Even more pissed than she had been before she called the repair shop. "You lied to us! You shall pay for this!" In a rage Hathor shot the now useless computer with her hand device. Then since her rage wasn't spent she blasted the phone as well.
"No, you shall pay for this. Our company will send you a bill for one hundred dollars. Have a nice day." Teal'C quickly hung up the phone and grinned broadly, O'Neill was correct, messing with people's heads could be fun.
I know this hasn't ended well for you, but it was fun for me.
So, what did you think? I know it was short, and I haven't been able to watch SG-1 lately because of scheduling conflicts, but I thought it was good.
Props to my friend Tom and his brother who will never read this, but helped with the computer thing and Duckie for reminding me that Hathor speaks in third person.