Okay guys. I know that this has been posted previously but I have had a lot of feedback regarding the layout of the story, so I have divided this up into the chapters so that it makes an easier read. Enjoy.
Work had been rough this week, she'd argued with Booth, he'd called her cold, told her she'd been kidding herself if she thought that she could go on her entire life feeling nothing and that if she truly believed that she didn't need someone then she had nothing to offer anyone. He'd made her feel heartless, emptier than the normal numbness that she could shake. She was angry for letting the first tear escape, angry for letting him see it. But most of all she was angry for the pity that she could see in his eyes. It wasn't until he reached for her arm that she bolted, she ran like she had when she first realized that 'they' weren't coming back, only this time it wasn't down the street of her family home, this time it was through the Jeffersonian.
She doesn't know exactly how she got home, she doesn't know why she didn't turn on the lights, and all she knows is that it is dark and that she can barely trace the outline of her hands. This is not how she imagined her life, she feels so disconnected to everything...work isn't filling the void anymore and she has no idea what will.
A knock at the door brings her out of her thoughts; she holds her breath and sinks further into the sofa.
"Temperance? Temperance it's me, Booth. Please open up, I want to apologise."
She can feel the heavier meaning in his words...'open up'... but the fear of seeing that pity in his eyes again effects her in the strangest of ways, she needs to be seen by him, wants to be seen by him, for her work..not for her tragic issues.
"Temperance please? I don't wanna do this with your neighbours listening in. Don't make me get a warrant."
After a moments silence she hears him sigh in resignation.
"Fine, I'll try again tomorrow."
Another moment passes and she let's go of the breath that she forgot she'd been holding. She's angry to see her hands are trembling in the dark and she knows that a tear is cascading down her cheek. She pushes herself up from the sofa and turns on the lamp wiping furiously at the tear. As she is making her way to the kitchen she hears the apartment door open, closing her eyes she knows it's him. She doesn't stop, just keeps going and pulls a long neck from the fridge. She can feel his eyes on her.
"I don't wanna do this tonight Booth"
"Won't you even give me a chance to apologise? When you didn't come back to the lab I got worried."
She smirks ironically, "That's a natural instinct, you felt that you had wronged me and you feel guilt which you interpreted for worry"
His eyes grew dark at her statement, anger brewing behind them and just as quickly as it appeared it's gone again, "I meant what I said today Bones, you come off as being cold, distant...like you don't need to connect to anyone, but it's your game face..I get that. I just wish that you would open up once in a while, you are still as human as everyone else..I know that beneath your facts and science that you have a heart that beats in time with...what I mean is that you have needs just like the rest of us. Why can't you acknowledge that every now and then? Being human doesn't make you weak."
She looks down at the beer in her hands, the alcohol in the bottle is swaying which she knows is due to her hands trembling again, it angers her, angers her that he can have this effect...the colour rises in her cheeks and she looks him square in the eyes.
"I'm not like you Booth, you get enjoyment of telling me that I'm not a people person, maybe that's why I am the way that I am. Maybe I find my comfort in helping silent victims...maybe I just don't need anyone. Love is over rated Booth."
He looks confused but then something seems to click into place "Who said anything about love? Is that what this is Bones? Loneliness? We've all been burned...it's what makes us human, making mistakes. It's ok to be wrong."
"Like you and Tessa?"
He sighs, he hates talking about his relationship with Tessa but this was the first time that she has brought up the subject since his break up, "Yeah, like me and Tessa. Not everyone is gonna leave you Temperance, if you would only let someone get close."
She takes a swig of her beer and leans back against the counter, "I'm happy without that complication in my life, I don't want the mess that comes with a relationship, I don't need a relationship. You, you seem to want to open up to everyone, and you condemn anyone that doesn't. I'm not like the girls that you meet Booth, I'm not easily flattered, I'm not looking for lifelong companionship; if ever feel that way I will get a dog."
He chuffs and moves towards her, suddenly she is all too aware that he is invading her personal space, she hates it when he does this...his alpha male ego pushing further into her territory. Something in his gaze, the intensity catches her breath. Something dark, dangerous and yet...gentle, hopeful? "Bones you are just the same as every woman out there, you have the same needs, the same desires...you are not without feeling, no matter what you want anyone to think." Suddenly he is leaning into her, his breath caressing a stray hair that has fallen across her forehead, he reaches forward and moves it behind her ear. "You challenge and you push and you fight, but you still need the same things as everyone."
Defiantly she meets his eyes "I hate psychology Booth. Don't use your soft skills on me."
His eyes soften and a small smile tugs at his lips, it disappears as quickly as it had come and his gaze turns sad "You are a young, intelligent and incredibly beautiful woman Temperance...when was the last time you heard a man tell you that? When was the last time you let a man hold you? Not for sex, not because you were upset or scared...but just because he could? When was the last time that a man told you that your hair smells of apples, that your eyes change shades when you get excited about your work, that your passion is infectious? When was the last time you let a man take care of you?"
She is caught, between his body and the counter, between the meaning of his words...in the gaze that has taken over his eyes, she opens her mouth to speak but the words don't come. Her eyes drop from his and back to the beer, or her shoes, he can't tell. He steps back from her and nods "that's what I thought."
He continues to stare at her, her heart beating hard in her chest and the blood pounding in her ears. She lifts her head slowly to look at him, she can imagine how dark her eyes must seem to him...she knows that he must be congratulating himself...he proved his point, isn't that what this was about? Didn't he want to show her that she was as human as he was, 'the same as every woman' in that her desires would overrule her rational head? Well mission accomplished...she wants him, more than anything right now, she wants nothing else. He's been holding her gaze for what felt like an eternity before he finally steps forward, a welcome invader to her space. If she could only let him in, maybe this could be a beginning of sorts...By force of habit the rational mind kicks in again, fight or flight, she put her hand against his chest and he smiles until he realised that it was not for the contact, her walls are being resurrected. He touches her face gently with the back of his fingers and then kisses her forehead "You should get some sleep Bones...I won't bring it up again. But I apologise for today."
He turns and walks through to the hall, she hears the door close behind him. She immediately misses his presence, her cheek burns where he'd touched her. She takes another swig from her beer, closes her eyes and wondered how life could be so complicated.
Her facts are cold and hard, her mind is rational but her body is weak. She knows this from her work, the numerous cadavers are a constant reminder of the vulnerability of man. What is the point in trying to be strong everyday when mentally she could be as weak as the next man? She has the same flaws, the same desires, the same needs. Being alone was a choice, but the emptiness could destroy your soul, make you question whether or not you even had a soul.