The REAL summary: A story about a typical Kai 'fangirl' who likes gerbils, what's worse is her favourite boyband is going to split up, and she's fed up with life's precautions, the insensitive boyfriend who just dumped her, and she gets kicked out of the fanclub. For revenge, she decides to take on the sex god himself.

Sorry, I've posted this up before, but I've edited it again. What I put in the summary will come up in the story at some point, but it might not be a lemon, maybe some added lime will be included, but nothing too lemony because I can never do those, I've never tried, and I don't really feel like doing them.

I don't really know why I started this; probably for fun and I wanted to write something about a stupid 'fangirl'. The title: Atashi wa Otohime, means 'I am Otohime'.

If you find it weird, then that's alright, this is a weird story! You're not alone. It's a crackfic! This chapter is merely an introduction. If you're confused, you can tell me and I'll explain in the next chapter. It is an AU fic and I've made it KaiOC again. It'll probably be a short story.

Chapter 01

Life Sux!

Boss would say it was the threshold of an era. Take those old black and white videos you watch in History, about how little girls and boys used to suffer from rickets from the Victorian times, and had to go to the workhouse if they didn't have enough money, or they would earn about two shillings an hour, which is probably about two pence an hour now. Well, in this time, as Boss said, it is different now. Girls and boys do not play with wooden hoops and write on chalkboards, we have jotters and computer consoles.

Today's society changes so quickly, it's hard to catch up to the times. However, this isn't really part of changing society – in the eighties, this scene would be common, apparently - Boss was currently standing in the back of the schoolyard, along with her other girl friends; on her right, there is , and next to her is Little Q. On Boss' left is Clip, and beside her is Big T. They are the North Takota Private High School (for girls) Netball team.

And they are facing the enemy:

The netball team from the South Takota Private High for (less educated) girls. In the middle is their leader, on her right, opposite of Clip, is a sharp looking girl called Tipp-Ex, and beside her is a girl known as Miz A. On the leader's left, Otto, is Stapler, and beside her is Missus X. You don't have to know all their names, there are too many for them to remember, just remember the good guys, Boss, Otto, Little Q, Big T and Clip for the moment.

Why are they called that? Well, the spectators don't know who they are, and are giving them nicknames. Boss is named Boss because she is standing in the middle, and Otto is 'famous', known to be a nature lover in the district, Little Q is known as Little Q because she is the shortest and has a 'Q' on her T-shirt, Big T is Big T because of her large t-shirt she is wearing at the moment, and Clip is called Clip because the pink haired girl has a clip in her hair.

The girls from South Takota are the rival netball team of the North Takota school; they constantly trespass on their school grounds to cross to the bus station, and picks up fights with other girls. They totally spell trouble, with a capital 'T'. They all crossed their arms over their scruffy looking uniforms, Miz A blowing a bubble before it popped, Little Q tried not to shift under their bleary glare. Big T popped a pinky into her ear, Clip pulled at her collar of her shirt, Otto frowned and Boss stood patiently with her arms folded over her chest.

"A deal's a deal." The leader said, apparently her name was Bubble. "Bow down and lick my shoe."

Boss couldn't believe they just had to lose that netball match… but then again they had always lost. Netball had always been an impossible sport for them. It was just this one time when they thought they had the upper hand so they gambled. Whoever lost today's match would have to bow down to the opposite team. Boss believed Bubble added the 'licking the shoe' part to it. "I didn't bet we had to lick your shoe!" She pointed out.

"You still lost, you will have to meet my demands."

There was a silence. Boss didn't really want to either…. She walked up to Bubble. She walked up to Boss.

"Well?" Bubble said with a smirk.

Boss' lip quivered – she felt resented.

"Wait! I'll kneel!" Big T shouted meekly as she raised her hand up. She was about to kneel, Little Q and Clip gasped.

"No, you stay and shut up!" Boss shouted at her, and she kept quiet.

Boss turned back to Bubble.

"I… I won't lick your shoe." And then she lunged at Bubble, going "Raaaarrrr!" like a mad dog.

Thus began, the screaming, scratching, biting, well… not exactly biting. Boom! They were fighting. As soon as the Boss initiated it, the others followed.

Rewind!!

Before she lunged, Boss could hear Otto doing a battle cry as the rest of their friends all got into position before they all jammed into each other's opposition – Big T against Miz A, Clip against Tipp-Ex, Little Q against the ferocious Stapler, and Missus X threw a cockroach at Otto whilst she was still battle crying which was kept up her sleeve (where'd she get that from?), which just neatly landed into Otto's open mouth, and she gulped it down by accident.

"AAAGGHHHH!!!" Otto screamed, flapping her hands up and down, squawking her head off.

Then they got into the fight.

And those watching the catfight, were boys from the West Takota High School (for boys), watching them intently from behind the fence of the courtyard, and opposite them, was the East Takota High School (for boys too). "Whooo! Girl Fight!" those boys were shouting.

The West Takota side: A boy with the black hair and red sweatband pointed to one of the girls fighting. "Hey, Kenny, what's that girl's name over there?"

The small boy beside him with extra thick spectacles on his hair tapped into his laptop. "From the records of North Takota School, it says her name is – "

"Hilary Tatibana! Just what to you think you and your friends are doing?(!)" The Principal shouted from the entrance of the netball court.

The girls almost stopped fighting, and everyone let go of their opponents; the one with short brown hair was still pulling at a girl with a rather built body, screaming and shouting. The ones who had stopped were also shouting. "Hilary! Principal Chen is here!" A girl was grabbing at 'Hilary' and trying to pry her fingers away from the girl's face. Eventually the two girls ceased, and Hilary and the girl she was fighting with were breathing heavily.

"Break it up, girls. You boys, go back to your school – there's nothing to see here!" Principal Chen ordered, she grabbed Hilary by the collar of her shirt and dragged her back inside the school, the other girls following.

"This isn't over yet, Bubbles!" Hilary shrieked angrily.

The girls sneered at her, before smoothing down their uniform and hair; they trotted out of the courtyard, sending dirty looks at the East Takota boys who merely grinned.

Later…

"Is there any reason why we always lose to them in the netball match?" Clip asked.

"I ate a bug…"

'Boss', aka Hilary, shrugged and stared outside the window of the Principal's room. A reason why she was staring to the side is because Bubble beat the crap out of her, especially at the face… well, just the left side of it. Clip got the crap beat of her in the right side, Big T got punched in two eyes, Otto was not recovering from eating a bug, but aside from that, she got the crap beaten out of her too, and Little Q had a red nose, swollen lip and a bruised forehead.

"I ate a bug…"

"We really need to start to stop losing and start winning, Hilary, we need to really try..." Little Q said. The girl smiled weakly at her, showing a missing tooth.

"I ate a bug…"

"Easy for you to say. It's not our fault that we are coached by the worst teacher ever." Big T added. She was standing beside Q in front of Boss and Otto staring at her compact mirror desperately trying to conceal up her black eyes. If only her hair wasn't so dark, it wouldn't bring out the black eyes…

"I ate a bug…"

"Yes, Otto, we know you ate a bug." Big T said irritably.

Clip perked up. "So…uh… what did it taste like?"

"Erm…. Kinda like chicken - "

"Be quiet!" The Principal entered the room, as she watched the girls from left to right sternly. Little Q gulped as she slammed their records onto the table, and watched them beadily.

Boss is Hilary Tatibana, a tall girl with short brown hair and dark eyes, who is the leader of the Netball team, her closest friend is Otto and she scares boys away mostly. Hilary is a very commanding and good leader.

Otto is short for Otohime, she has long blue hair and pale green eyes, she is a gerbil lover, and is a member of the school's Netball team, and plays Wing Defense. She seems to be in a delirious state these days, ever since her boyfriend dumped her for Tipp-Ex – or so the rumours say.

Big T is Mariam, she has long dark blue hair always tied up in a ponytail, and emerald eyes. She likes sharp pointy things and shiny things. She plays Wing Attack and hasn't had a boyfriend for a week. Her record of having a boyfriend for the longest time was one guy being from the West Takota's chess club – Mariam had him as a boyfriend for three weeks, two days, ten hours, five minutes and three seconds.

Little Q is Queenie, her mum is fond of giving her clothes which has her initials on them. She is the youngest of the group, with black hair up to her shoulders and still plays with Barney at home. She plays Gold Attack and is afraid of boys. Sometimes, she can be rather sexist.

Clip is Mariah, a girl who likes shopping and pink. She likes cats very much and is boy-crazy. She plays Goalkeeper, and is a boy magnet, but she rejects them all the time, as the ideal guy she is looking for, has to be one who can make good lasagne.

Together, these five girls make up one of the popular groups in the school, they hadn't thought of a group name yet, as they are just known as the North Takota Netball team – that's fine with them.

The Principal finished filing in their permanent records, before storing it back into the cabinet.

"Life sucks." Hilary mumbled as she looked at her red hands. "I don't know how anyone could enjoy life."

And meanwhile...

"Life rules!" Tyson shouted happily. "I don't know how anyone can hate life!"

The West Takota boys had just finished watching the catfight and were joining up with their remaining friends; Tyson was extremely happy because their team had just won a football match, and had rejoined Ray, Kenny and Max at the courtyard of the North Takota premises, along with Lee and some of Max's friends, Michael, Eddie and Steve.

The West and North Takota are rich private schools associated with each other. West Takota, for boys, had just recently opened up two years ago, because of it's mothering school, North Takota, had enough money and the support from the council to have a school built for boys. Principal Chen is the founder of both. Who was complaining? Not the boys, they're practically near chicks everyday, even though their classes aren't mixed, the girls often have to go to lessons in the West Takota School, and vice versa for the boys.

"Oi, you guys missed the catfight." Max said with a smug smile.

"What catfight?" Lee asked, Tyson beside him had dropped his smile.

"Between the girls of North and South Takota. It was intense." Ray said, and then he added, "Before the Principal broke it up."

"Aww, man, wish I could've seen that." Michael groaned. "Hey, how come Kai isn't with you?"

"His grandfather's picking him up again. Kai's at the office."

Back at the girl's school…

"You girls should be ashamed of yourself!" Principal Chen shouted, as she swivelled to face them in her seat.

They all stared blankly at her.

"What would people say about our school? Our reputation would be surely harnessed up as the worst school in the district by the attitudes of you girls. How dare you fight with the South Takota girls; if you must, use your chances when you are in the netball court, not after school hours in the school."

"Sorry, Principal Chen." They all mumbled. "We won't do it again."

"Otohime, Queenie, I am the most disappointed in you two." The principal said, looking at the two girls from under her glasses. "You two are not the kind to participate in mild violence."

Queenie gulped and looked at her shoes.

The blue haired girl beside her gulped as well, then quickly fell to her knees. "No, principal Chen, please, don't suspend me, I won't do it ever again, I promise! My perfect attendance will be ruined, please, please, please! Don't do this to meeeeee!"

Hilary shook her head. Otto, you idiot (!).

The principal blinked. "No, no, Otohime, you won't be suspended, all of you won't. Let this be a warning, if you don't want your grades to suffer."

"Yes, principal Chen." Otohime mumbled back out. Hilary glared at Otohime, and hauled her back up to her feet. She was sniffling.

"Now, all of you, your detention is to scrape the chewing gum off the back of every desk in every classroom, every afternoon after school, for a month."

"A MONTH?" Everyone shrieked.

"OH NOOOO!" Mariah screamed in shock. "But I have, like, a manicure appointment today!"

"I need to feed my gerbil!"

"I need to take out the trash today – wait, that's not so bad to miss." Mariam rethought again. "I guess I'm okay with this."

"My mum'll wonder why I'm late!" Queenie gasped. "And I have the pan flute recital today! Nuuu!"

Hilary just shrugged. She didn't mind. This was common; the girls occasionally got in trouble anyway, but this was the first time they had to do after school detention.

The principal sent them all a sweet smile. "I will send letters to your parents explaining your circumstances, now be gone, it's after school already. Go to the janitor to get the rulers."

Outside…

"This sucks." Hilary moaned again.

"It's super sucky." Otohime chimed in.

"Stop saying that, that's the gayest phrase I've ever heard." Mariah said in annoyance.

"I know, you're super everything." Mariam added.

"Well, Mariah, you say 'gay' a lot, and why can't I be super everything?" Otohime pointed out justifiably.

"Guys, can we please simmer down?" Queenie said.

"Whateva…" They all muttered.

A blob of chewing gum fell off the table and landed on Mariah's face. She screamed and flicked it off. "Eurgh eurgh eurgh, I hate this!" She got up, and quickly smoothed her pink hair.

"Don't worry, Mariah, we've still got, three hundred or more desks upstairs left." Mariam said, chipping slowly at a large pile of gum.

Hilary groaned, then put down her ruler. "Let's take a break, guys."

"We can't, Hil. Or then we'd have to stay behind longer." Queenie replied; she was making an effort in chipping off mountains of gum, unlike the others.

"Well, I'm tired. I'm taking a break." Mariah said, she was fed up.

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"This sucks," Otohime began as she sat down beside Queenie, "We lost that netball match, lost the fight and now we're serving detention, super sucky."

"Oh, shut up." Mariam said tiredly. She walked over to the window and stared out. "Not just that, Otto. I heard the Boyz'n Crew were splitting up!"

"What? They're splitting up?" Mariah wailed. "NO, THEY CAN'T SPLIT UP!"

Otohime wailed as well as she looked at her Boy'zn Crew silver locket. "Why does this keep happening to me?(!)" She bellowed out loudly.

"About time," Hilary said monotonously. "They are horrible at singing."

Mariah stuck her tongue out at Hilary. Otohime sniffled and rubbed her locket. Queenie just kept quiet. Suddenly, Mariam gasped. "Look guys, Kai's outside!"

Everyone leapt up beside Mariam, trying to cram their faces at the window, well; it was just Mariah and Otohime. "WHAT?"

"He's already outside! Come on, girls, let's go go go!" Mariah chirped, she grabbed Hilary, Otohime and Mariam and made a move to the exit of the classroom, completely forgetting about their detention.

"I'm not going." Queenie stood her ground. "I'm not going to watch this 'sex god' go back home in his fancy pansy limo while I have to take the rotten bus."

"Well, fine, we'll leave you alone here." Mariah said behind her shoulder.

Queenie dropped her pose. "W-Wait! That's mean!"

The girls all made a rapid dash for it out of the door, Hilary and Queenie following reluctantly. They tumbled down the first flight of stairs, coming outside the school office doors. There was already a large crowd there, half the female population of North Takota, all waving banners and screaming and shouting. "KAI KAI KAI KAI KAI!"

"Come on, let's get a good spot so he can see us and we can wave at him!" Mariah, Otohime and Mariam pushed through followed by Hilary, who wasn't looking interested. Queenie just followed because they didn't want to be left alone. Eventually, they found a spot near the front; most of them were squished against each other.

"I can't see Kai!" Otohime wailed unhappily, as she tried not to fall down. She was currently in a very dangerous position – she was standing at the very edge of the kerb, beside a banner a girl must've left taped to the fence in front of her. "KAI! He's so cute! Don't you think so, Hilary?" Otohime chirped happily beside her she was still trying to get a good view.

"NO." Hilary said in a deadpan way. "Am I only one hating this?" Hilary grumbled. She noted Otohime's crazed fangirl expression; yup, she was one of Kai's major fangirls, and she joined the Kai fangirl club ever since it became funded by the school's spelling bee team. What Otohime saw in Kai, Hilary didn't know. Maybe that was why Otohime's boyfriend dumped her – because she couldn't forget about Kai. Or stop talking about him. Or both.

"No, me too." Queenie wheezed out scarcely. She was beside Otohime, positioned against her. The two could hardly breathe.

The girls' cheer grew louder. Otohime was screaming until her lungs would explode, which would be very soon. There was Kai Hiwatari. The richest bachelor in West Takota, he has rich friends too – they were currently following him into the limousine – of course, they too, were popular, but not as popular as Kai. The girls cooed and squealed, waving flags and the banners with Kai's face on them. He was attractive, but with a reputation of being a cold-hearted guy to live up to in the school. Girls who had went up to him with high hopes only returned back with their dreams and their heart crushed. Yes, Kai is the most untouchable, the harshest yet wanted male of every girl's dreams. Anyone who managed to get into his heart of ice would be considered the goddess of all time, worshipped and despised at the same time.

Hilary and Queenie didn't know what was up with these girls. They weren't impressed with Kai. He was just a guy. Queenie was the more shy type and didn't dare talk to a boy, yet no boy seemed to notice her anyway, and Hilary… wasn't up for relationships at the moment.

A girl elbowed Queenie by accident amongst the fray, as Kai made one-step towards the car, the girls being held back by his 'bodyguards', and Queenie accidentally bumped into Otohime, who went bounding back. She narrowly missed holding the edge of the kerb, and grabbed hold of the banner to support herself. Luckily, she managed to stand on her two feet, but -

RRRIIIIPPPP!

Otohime blinked blankly at a nice chunk of Kai's face being ripped apart from his other half – which was currently under Otohime's foot. Everyone stopped in their tracks of cheering and whistling and looked at her, then at the ripped banner, finally, their eyes rested on the piece of the banner under her foot.

It was silent.

Then -

"OH!" The fangirls yelled accusingly.

Otohime paled, she had just violated article thirty-two, rule one hundred and forty six; Never EVER step/rip/break/whatever on merchandise with any relation to the sex god; to make matters even dangerous, she had ripped his 'face' in half and was stepping on one of them. How worse could this day get?