She loved him so much. Sometimes it took so much for her to even bear the thought that she would never look at his smiling face again. He died, and also took almost everything that had meant anything that ever mattered to her. She felt restless, so she did what she knew how to do: cry. She wept bitterly for her loss; loss of love, a best friend, someone to confided in. Healing was the hardest thing to do.

"Time heals all wounds….it's ok to cry baby, sometimes you just need to let it all out…remember that we will always be here for you." The last one made her laugh cynically; that's what he told her, now look where she was. She had trusted him when he said that. She believed that he was invincible; that nothing could ever touch him.

She knew logically that her friends were trying to help her, and they just wanted to see her put herself together. Lately she had been moving through her days at the hospital like a zombie, just putting one foot in front of another; just trying to survive. She kept up this happy face all the time, but sometimes it was just so damn hard.

She knew she needed to get better, and snap out of this. After all people depended on her, they expected her to be able to perform at her absolute best all the time. Sometimes she just felt that she would just crack under the responsibility of caring for the others, when she could barely make it out of bed some days.

"It's ok to be mad, it happens, it is part of the grieving process." She knew that her psychologist, Dr. Owens, was right, it was ok to be mad. If only she wasn't she felt so bad for being mad at him. After all it isn't like he chose to go and die, in fact dieing wasn't even his fault. Another had taken the man she had loved. He took care of himself; he stayed in shape.

As much as she avoided it she couldn't help it when the feeling of rage snuck up on her. She was mad at him for dying, and she was mad at God from taking him from her, and she was mad at herself. She couldn't help but feel guilty that she was alive when he wasn't.

She needed to pull herself together, she need to become part of the human race. Every prospect of rejoining it just meant that she would see things that had made her think of him; their favorite restaurant, the place where they shared their first kiss, and the hospital where she first him utter the words "I love you" to her.

A smile played on her lips as she remembered that day. She was in a bad mood and she wished that the world would quit bugging her and she could just focus on the sick people in the waiting room, waiting on her to fix them. He made an appointment, just knowing how busy she was. She went out and got the "new patient's" chart, and found him sitting on the exam room. With a small-exasperated- smile she asked what on earth he was doing there. He smiled and just said, "I know you have been having a rough week, and I just wanted to stop by and tell you how much I love you." She smiled at the thought.

She was running late for work; and she knew that everyone would just dismiss it, even Dr. Jackson. She was dressed, just trying to find the courage to face another day at Rittenhouse Women's Health Center.

"You don't know how much I miss you on a daily basis." She said to his picture on the way out the door. She kissed her hand and placed the kiss on the picture. Sighing she grabbed her purse and headed out to face the day.

A/N: It is a little bit of a downer, but I just felt the need to write it. I hope that you all enjoyed it. Thank you for reading.

Rosablasifann08