But He's Just a Ramen Chef!!!

Authors notes: Hi, time for another chapter. Yes, Tokamaru is Naruto's real son, not adoptive or anything like that. He's the blood son.

More comedy and hilarity will now ensue…enjoy.

Chapter 13: Shock; what being perverted can do.

"My son.."

As those words left Naruto's mouth, time stood still. The room became oddly silent; even for those who had not heard the blond's statement…of course it wouldn't be long before everyone heard the big news.

"YOUR WHAT!!!!" shouted Anko, her head suddenly seeming much larger and far more intimidating. Naruto cringed back in sudden fear, his eyes becoming big and his body began to shake. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR SON!!!"

"Uh…I mean…the thing I made after indulging myself in earthly delights." Stated Naruto, who was now beginning to sweat.

"Naruto-dono, don't talk about my nephew that way." Stated Gaara in a flat voice. A shiver ran up the ramen chef's spine. He was cornered between a rock and a hard place.

"Uh…uhhh…ummm" He began to sweat further. His eyes traveled the room, searching for some form of support. Instead, he was met with shocked looks and general surprise.

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!!" Shouted Anko accusingly; a vain appearing in her forehead.

"Well you see, I was drunk-"

"OH BIG SURPRISE!!!" interrupted the snake Jounin.

"And she was hot so we sort of…"

Anko's crossed her arms with a dead serious look in her eyes; when suddenly they grew wide in recognition. "WE DIDN'T USE A CONDOM!!!! IF YOU'RE THAT POTENT WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN!!!"

"Relax, Anko-chan its no big deal…I'm sure everything will be fine…" "Why does this conversation seem familiar??"


Naruto lay wrapped up in messy sheets. Beside him was the form of a sweaty blond teen. Her sandy hair was cropped against her face in the most perverse of ways. She breathed heavily next to him.

"Crap…we didn't use…a condom." She said between panted breathes.

"Relax, Temari-chan its no big deal…I'm sure everything will be fine…" said Naruto reassuringly.

The girl only smiled before she started kissing her way up his chest…

End Flashback…

Naruto's sweat was now perspiring at an unheard of rate. "Right…better not tell her about that…"

Anko seemed to have calmed down. She gave a loud breath of relief. "You're right…I'm overreacting…nothing to worry about." She then gave a large grin not unlike Naruto's own. "Besides, no way in hell Kami would allow me to be a mother, hahahahahahahahahahaha…"

Naruto slowly backed away from her…

The Sandiame cleared his throat, regaining the attention of those gathered. The tension having been peaked was now starting to fall back down. The rules had long since been explained, setting the final stages of the exam into motion.

Each participant went up to the balconies, waiting for their respective turns. Naruto eyed them all rather curiously, his gaze landed on one person in particular. Hyuuga Hinata.

It didn't take the genius Naruto was to figure out why Hiashi was there. The clan head wanted to see just how strong his daughters were; and this would be a good time to show him just how far Hinata had come.

Hyuuga Neji Vs Hyuuga Hinata

Either some higher force was at work or Naruto had had way too much to drink. He eyed his sake bottle carefully.

Hinata was visibly trembling at the words on the giant screen. She was forced to release a calming breath to regain herself. On her shoulder she felt the soft pat of her sensei's hand. Kurenai was encouraging her; something that instantly made the heiress feel a lot better. She took a step towards the stairs, and for the first time since she'd been in the room, she noticed her father sitting near the Hokage…watching.

A new wave of panic hit Hinata, as she felt not only her fathers gaze on her, but the heated glare of her sister behind. They were both measuring her worth at the moment, and Hinata couldn't help but shrink up inside. Her next step was far more shaky then the last. And the next one after that was only more so.

It was a miracle that she was able to make it to the center of the room where her opponent awaited her.

Neji took up the trade mark stance of their family and waited for the signal to begin. His focus on her was even more intense then her fathers, and just as demoralizing.

"Why does everyone glare at me with such eyes…"Hinata wondered briefly as she shrunk back into herself. She took up her stance, which seemed far less imposing the Neji's own.

Distantly Hinata could hear both her father and sister give a sigh of disappointment.

Naruto looked at Neji with a serious face. His eyes concentrated firmly on the boy. "I never noticed it…but I've met a lot of effeminate boys recently." Naruto closed his eyes and took up a thinking pose so he could ponder these thoughts more.

Neji charged without hesitation. A firm palm thrust was all it took to break Hinata's shaky guard. The poor girl lost most of her footing and was forced to stumble back. Neji did not pursue her, opting to pose with his striking palm still out stretched. He glared at her menacingly, and his stance appeared to be both a challenge and a statement.

With Neji's cold determination, Hinata found herself shaking uncontrollably. Faintly she could here her teammates shouting out words of encouragement. But they could barely reach her.

Neji charged again, sending another palm thrust towards her. She narrowly avoided it, dodging to the side. Neji did not falter at this; he slide forward using the momentum of his previous attack. Ghostly, he pivoted on his left foot and jumped. The young Hyuuga prodigy, practically floated in the air with grace, as his new attack was taking form. His right leg began to follow a set path, arcing, towards Hinata. Hinata lifted her foot, blocking the blow with her knee. The power she felt made her body go numb. A lift overtook her feet, sending her back. Her heels screeched as the dragged over the tiled surface of the floor.

When the girl landed, she gasped. The experience had been so fast, she had forgotten to breath. A dull ring echoed in her ears, and the corners of her vision darkened.

"Give up…it is not your fate to win this match." Stated Neji coldly. He stood up straight, abandoning his family stance. He sent her a glare that was far more pain inducing then any chakra filled palm strike.

Hinata body trembled. "What should I do…" she thought meekly. Her body was still numb, leaving a biting cold in the pit of her stomach. She turned herself on her stomach and started to rise. The process was slow, and almost painful to watch. Her legs appeared to be buckling, but she would not fall back down. She coughed once and then again, her teeth noticeably red after.

"If we continue, I won't be able to hold myself back." stated Neji.

Her body gave another involuntary tremble. His voice had been calm while using terrifying words. Hinata turned her head and stared at Neji. Her cousin was but a blur, coming into focus only the briefest of seconds. The room was growing dark at the edges; shadows becoming more pronounced and color fleeting.

"I…can't." she whispered. She couldn't remember her training now. The weight of the room seem to bare down on her like lead. Her knees felt shaky and her resolve was even shakier. "I…I…I giv-"


Naruto's voice echoed throughout the preliminary room. Hinata seemed to break from some sort of spell as she instantly stopped trembling and stared at her 'sensei'.

"What are you doing!" he yelled standing up, his sake bottle ever noticeable in his hands. "Remember all that we've been through! The long nights, the bath house, Icha Icha, the intense movements that made your hips hurt the next day!"

Up in the stands Hanabi's jaw had hit the ground. Despite herself she couldn't help but yell. "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MY SISTER!!!"
Despite Naruto's odd phrasing of her training, Hinata received the message he was sending. She was stronger then this.

"Remember…be like sake!"

At those words Hinata instantly fell back into stance, however, it seemed far more relaxed and loose then the normal Hyuuga fighting position. Neji, merely interpreted the lax stance as a flaw in her technique.

The boy charged forth without a seconds hesitation. He gave one of his trademark palm thrusts…only it never connected. Hinata dodged it seemingly effortlessly and now her shoulder was directly next to Neji's chest. The boy was frozen in surprise, leaving himself open, however Hinata did not attack.

He jumped back and regained himself. Sending a kick Hinata's way. She dodged the blow with minimal effort as well. Her body moving loose around his leg like a rag doll. Neji did not relent this time as he threw several strikes with his out stretched fingers, with blinding speed. Hinata just continued to dance around those attacks as well.

Up next to the Hokage Hiashi stared at his daughter curiously. He looked over at Naruto, with a mixed expression. "What sort of training has Naruto been giving her?" he wondered.

As if reading his mind, Naruto turned towards the Hyuuga clan head and winked. "Just watch." He said.

Neji let out an uncharacteristic growl. As he sent another palm strike, with far more strength then the 'Gentle fist' was meant to expel, towards Hinata. What happened next would go down as a historical moment for the Hyuuga clan.

Hinata's hands moved passed Neji's palm down his forearm. Her hands barely touching his skin. A notable mix of green and blue chakra danced around her palms. Neji felt the effects instantly. All of his tenseku had been closed in his arm, and most of his major muscle tendons had been cut. His joints were now out of place, and the entire inside of his arm, made it completely impossible for it to function properly.

But Hinata did not stop there. With Neji caught off guard, she struck his right foot with her own, sending him off balance and stumbling forward. She lifted him up off the ground and tossed him over her shoulder. Her hands making noticeable movements across his chest as he flew over her.

When Neji landed, he was barely fit to fight at all. As most of his waste was paralyzed and eighty more tenseku points were closed. He could even feel some internal damage to his organs.

Unable to even stand, it came as no surprise when the ref decided to announce the winner.

"Winner Hyuuga Hinata."

Hinata seemed to wake up from whatever fantasy she was in. She looked around her in surprise at people clapping. A tremendous blush was on her face.

"Ryan was so close to making her climax…" she thought while looking down a little ashamed with herself.

Back up near the front of the room, Hiashi eyed his daughter curiously. He gave a glance Naruto's way, and noticed how the boy had retreated near the back wall, away from the purple haired girl he was with. Hiashi got the message and walked over their silently.

"What exactly have you been teaching her?" he asked in his usual emotionless tone.

Naruto had his straw hat pulled over his eyes. He gave noticeably long chug of his sake before he spoke. "How to let go." He said. He looked up at Hiashi with a serious yet sad expression. "She's not weak…she's mastered medical techniques to such a degree that she's able to incorporate them into her own style, she's loose when fighting, and her chakra control is so spectacular that she's able to close off tenseku without having to directly close it off with her fingers…but probably the most amazing thing is that she does most of this unconsciously, without fully understanding what she's doing."

Hiashi looked over at his daughter, for a brief moment pride went through his eyes. "I never say it…but I love her…and Hanabi." He stated. Watching as Hinata was patted on the back by her teammates. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits given the way Hinata won. Fellow Konoha Genin came by her to congratulate her on her victory.

"After losing…my…my wife." Hiashi seemed to have trouble finding his own words. "I know I became rather cold towards them both…I even brought myself to the point where I out right ignored Hinata…in a lot of ways I'm a failure as a father…even now I know I probably won't change…but…will you guide both of them…Hi-my wife would have liked that."

Naruto gave a small nod, barely noticeable to anyone but Hiashi. He gave what he could of a smile of content.

"By the way Naruto…what did you mean when you said 'Icha Icha' to my daughter?" asked Hiashi with a raised eyebrow. Naruto froze up at that and looked away.

"Umm…" Naruto trailed off. Before looking over at Hyuuga Neji, who was currently being taken away on a stretcher. " A Hyuuga massacre…" Naruto whispered to himself. The words floated off his tongue in a nostalgic sort of way.

Hinata sat up in the balcony near the back wall. After her team had had congratulated her on a victory; they had gone back to observing the competition. She chose to lay back and let the injuries she had sustained from her cousin.

Her arms were going num. "He was so strong…and I beat him…"

"Don't get a big head."

Hinata nearly jumped at the sound of Naruto's voice. She looked to her side to see the blond chef sitting beside her. She then looked back at where he had previously resided, near her father, in confusion.


"You won because he underestimated you, and you had surprise on your side." Stated Naruto watching carefully as Neji was now fully taken out of the room. "You definitely improved, but you still have a long way to go."

"Y-yea s-s-sensei." Hinata mumbled out meekly.

"Are you stuttering…Hinata?" asked Naruto raising an eyebrow. Hinata looked down abashed. Naruto merely smiled. "And I had though we were long passed this."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Stated Naruto. "You're stronger then you give yourself credit for…I think you need to convince your cousin of that."

Hinata looked up at Naruto curiously.

"I have an idea of what he's going through…I'm sure it would help if he didn't hate everyone." Said Naruto in all his wisdom.


"GO TALK TO HIM BAKA!!!" shouted Naruto hitting Hinata over the head. Hinata stood up but was frozen in confusion. "NOW!"

She was gone in a second.

Inuzuka Kiba Vs Kanaka Akane

The Hokages had poked up in alarm at hearing the second competitor's name. He briefly looked over to Naruto, the boy merely hid his eyes under his hat.

The little girl from Iwa bounced from her spot up in the balcony and landed in the center of the room. Kiba merely eyed her, as if he was being tricked.

"Oy, am I really expected to fight a kid?" asked Kiba walking towards the ref.

"She is an official shinobi of Iwa." Stated the ref. Kiba shrugged.

"Whatever." He said telling Akamaru to stay back. Many of the spectators questioned his choice to leave his partner behind.


Kiba didn't take up a stance, he merely looked around confused. "Hey listen…I uh…really don't want to hurt you." He started. He looked almost pleadingly at her. "So if you could please just giv-"


Kiba was blown back by an invisible force. His body crashing into the wall behind him, leaving a huge crater in the cement. His eyes had gone wide from the pressure; blood started flowing from his mouth.

Akane stalked up to him; her eyes were narrowed and deadly. Kiba fell to the ground on his knees; his eyes shaking in pain. He shakily made his way to his feet.

"Damn it." He fell down, landing on all fours chakra surged around him. His body then disappeared. The faint blur of Kiba's body could be seen running circles around Akane. She showed little recognition to his movements. "You bitch!"

Kiba swung his clawed at the girl. Before he realized it he was underneath her. Akane had dodged his attack by jumping in the air, however, she didn't appear to be coming down.

'How-" Kiba was again caught off as he felt and invisible blow into his gut. He was sent a few feet in the air, before something struck him in the back. He crashed with bone crushing force into the ground; creating another large crater.

Kiba struggled to move as the same forced that had been kicking him around the entire match was now holding him in place on the ground. He couldn't breath and was beginning to see spots.

The little girl Akane simply floated above him.

"What is that ability, Asuma-sensei?" asked Ino in horror.

Asuma's eyes were wide; sweat was dripping down his face. "How…"were his thoughts. " He slowly looked Naruto's way, disbelief written on his face.

"Hayate…call the match." Stated the Hokage. The ref Jounin merely nodded.

"Winner Kanaka Akane."

Akane landed next to Kiba, she bent over to whisper in his ear. "Next time…take me more seriously." Said Akane in a deadly voice.

Naruto stood up, and walked passed Kakashi. The Jounin shot him a suspicious glance. "Naruto…"

"Don't ponder on it…Kakashi."

Authors Note: Okay another chapter. I kinda got lazy at the end so sorry if it was...umm...crappy. More on Naruto's son and stuff later. I'm trying to finish up the exam first. Sorry if anything bad in this chapter happened that you didn't like. So tell me your thoughts on it. I'll probably go back and edit this chapter.