Okay, my newest story. I hope you enjoy my randomness. I feel like torturing Link.
Floating Skull: This can be nothing compared to the unending torture I face by existing with you cretins. Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!
Beast Boy: Chill out, dude! It's not that bad.
Ghetto Felix: Where little sosizzle be kokizzlin at?
B.B.: He wants to know where Ivan's at.
You'll see. Enough of this nonsense. Time to begin.
The Legend of Zelda: Cameos of Time
Young Link stumbled into his house and collapsed on his bed. He lay there for several minutes before Navi flew in.
Navi bore a worried expression. "What's wrong, Link?"
Link slowly sat up. "I just finished being in a brutal fanfiction." Navi motioned for him to continue. "Get this, I'm apparently married to Ruto, when I slowly realize I'm gay and start dating an older Mido. By the way, the fic was rated M, enough said." Navi faked vomiting out the window, a skill she's perfected over recent years. "Ya know, I've been in this business for over 20 years. 1985, they're casting auditions for the hero of The Legend of Zelda, and they tell me I'm perfect for the part. And it was great for few games. But it got a bit tiring after awhile. I didn't even get this house until Ocarina of Time in '98. I had to live in a trailer. Thanks, by the way."
"What for?" inquired Navi.
"For putting up with my ranting. I need to get stuff off my chest every once in awhile." Navi smiled sympathetically. "But here's the kicker. No one tells you that after the games are done and on the shelves, random people decide they can write and put you through every situation imaginable. I mean, some of them are good writers. But all I want is a nice long vacation."
"That's a crying shame," spoke a voice from the doorway. A young man, taller than young Link but shorter than adult Link, stood with an amused expression on his face. He had blonde hair, purple clothes and a green cloak. "I'm afraid a new fanfiction is just beginning."
Link sighed. "Well, what's the idea and who are you?"
"It's another rewriting of Ocarina of Time, and I, Ivan, from Golden Sun, shall be your guide."
Link got to his feet and glared. "I know this game like the back of my hand! I could do it blindfolded, which actually happened once! Why do I need a guide?"
Ivan grinned. "This story has a twist."
"Every story has a twist!" yelled Link. "What is it this time? Is Hyrule going to be constantly on fire? Do I have some sort of deep-seated issues that cause me to go crazy by the Forest Temple?" Ivan shook his head. "Well, thank Din for small favors. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go greet Saria. That's a part I still manage to enjoy!" He stormed outside to wait for his good friend call his name. He looked over his balcony and saw no one. "That's funny, where is she?"
"Friend Link!" shouted a voice from straight ahead. He looked up just in time to see a girl crash into him and embrace him with a fierce hug. She was dressed like Saria, but she was too tall, her hair was red, and her feminine features were more…pronounced. Also, Link didn't think Saria could fly, or give death grips.
"Ah," said Ivan, walking out onto the deck, Navi close behind. "I see you've met our Saria replacement."
"Replacement?" gasped Link, prying the girl off of him.
"Yes. You see, that's the gimmick. Most of the major characters have all been replaced with people from other games, movies, books, etc." Ivan turned to the girl. "Why don't you introduce yourself."
The girl nodded and faced Link. "Greetings, Friend Link. I am Starfire of Tameran. I come from the popular cartoon, Teen Titans."
Link just stared. He turned to Ivan, "So as long as you're here, what can you do?"
Ivan frowned. "As a Jupiter Adept, a wind user, I could normally summon hurricanes and thunderstorms. But in the interest of fairness, my powers are all but drained."
Link looked helplessly at Navi, who just shrugged. "Well, if that's the only twist, then I guess it won't be too bad. Might even be interesting. Whatever, time to find my sword and shield."
"I assumed you'd want them, so I decided to do you a favor." Ivan handed Link his Kokiri Sword and Deku Shield. "But don't expect me to be doing this a lot. I did this more for my own benefit."
"Right," replied Link cynically. Arming himself, he proceeded to the Great Deku Tree. Along the way, he noted that the other Kokiri were unchanged. When he mentioned this, Ivan simply replied that they were too unimportant. They didn't even have names. Link was fine with this, until he saw Mido's replacement. Obviously middle-aged, he had long blue hair that was braided into hook-like ponytails at either side. He was wearing Mido's clothes, without much success.
"Ok, that's it," steamed Link. "Why does no one realize that he's not a Kokiri?"
"All these other people are nameless NPCs," replied Ivan. "These in particular have about four or five sets of dialogue throughout this game."
"Whatever. So who is this guy?"
"He would be Seymour Guado from Final Fantasy X."
"Honestly, I'm glad I don't have to face Mido again right yet," sighed Link.
"How so?" asked Ivan.
"Never you mind!" growled Link. He silently motioned for Navi to keep her mouth shut. She nodded in conformation. Ivan shrugged as the trio crossed the pond.
Link stopped. "Hey, Navi, could you fly on ahead to the Great Deku Tree?"
Navi smiled. "Sure thing." She sped past Seymour without even attracting his attention.
"Why'd you have her do that?" asked a puzzled Ivan.
"You'll see," replied Link
Link approached Seymour hesitantly. Just because he had Mido's spot didn't mean it was safe. After all, wasn't Seymour a villain? Personally, Link had never made it past the Thunder Plains on that game. Without warning, Seymour spoke. "I see you have your sword and shield. Very well, you may pass."
Link was confused. "You're not gonna try to kill me?"
Seymour laughed. "It is not yet time for my plan. It is still in the early stages of preparation."
"So, what is your plan?"
Seymour stopped laughing but the sinister smile remained. "My plan is this: to destroy Hyrule, to heal Hyrule, I will become Sin. Only then can I escape my part in the spiral of death."
Link knew this boded poorly, but decided not to comment on it. He and Ivan proceeded onto the meadow to find the Great Deku Tree with his mouth already open. Seeing Ivan's confused expression, he explained. "The tree's programmed to start talking as soon as Navi appears. My presence is optional. We do this to save time. Though I'm glad to know the Great Deku Tree wasn't replaced."
"The author toyed with the idea," said Ivan. "but nothing was practical. Besides, the first dungeon has the words Deku Tree in it."
"If you two are through, can we get going?" asked Navi. Link nodded and followed her inside, Ivan close behind.
Inside the Deku Tree
"Uh, what's with the floating words?" asked Ivan.
"Get used to it, it happens all the time here," answered Navi.
"Well, let's get started," sighed Link.
The dungeon proceeded rather uneventfully. Ivan freaked when he first came face to face with a Big Skulltula, but other than that, it was business as usual. But Link noticed that something was strange as he entered the boss chamber, slingshot in hand. It was several times larger than it usually was. He couldn't even see the opposite wall, and he could barely make out the ceiling. He was about to start walking when the room shook. Link waited for a few seconds when it shook again.
"Footsteps, maybe?" suggested Navi.
"Link!" a voice boomed and echoed throughout the chamber. Link was shocked, he couldn't see anyone anywhere.
"Ivan," said Link accusingly. "What's going on?"
"Remember when I said that most of the important characters were replaced," said Ivan sheepishly.
"Well, that includes bosses."
Link groaned. "So who am I about to fight?"
"Have you ever seen the movie Hercules?"
"That's the one."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Where are you, mighty Link?" roared the creature as it came out from behind a pillar.
Link almost had a heart attack. "You've got to be kidding me!"
Mono-eyed Mega Titan
"I have to fight the Cyclops!" screamed Link. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?"
Ivan never got a chance to answer. The Cyclops started swinging his mighty arms, his huge single eye glowing. Each one of his mighty punches sent off violent shockwaves. It was all Link could do to keep his balance long enough to dodge. After what seemed like an eternity, Navi flew over.
"Link," she cried. "Ivan says the author tweaked this guy down enough so that you could beat it. He also says that there's a clue as to how somewhere on the Cyclops."
Link thanked Navi, having no time for his usual sarcasm. He cursed inwardly as the Cyclops continued the assault. "Heh, I actually wish I was fighting Gohma. All I had to do was stun it by shooting it in the…Wait, that's it!" He looked up as the Cyclops' huge eye. It glowed periodically to draw attention to it.
Aiming as best he could in the circumstances, he fired a Deku Seed at the eye, but it fell short halfway up his stomach. Cursing once more, he tried to jump so as to land on the Cyclops' arm, but found that he couldn't jump that high. The fist slammed into him and knocked him into the wall. Aching all over, he stood up while the familiar beeping started. That hit took two hearts of damage. One more attack and he'd be dead.
The Cyclops stood there for a moment and laughed. Ivan took this chance to run over to Link. "I know what you're doing and I can help! I need you to jump up into the air." Link stared at Ivan, then at the Cyclops who was drawing back to strike again. "Trust me!"
Link nodded and jumped into the air as the huge fist rushed towards him. He heard Ivan's voice. "Force!" After that, he felt something slam into his back, forcing him towards the face of the Cyclops. He narrowly missed getting hit again. Bracing himself, thrust his sword into the huge eye. The Cyclops roared and thrashed about, but Link held on for dear life. At last the Cyclops fell silent and crashed to the ground.
"Link!" cried Navi. "Are you okay?
It was silent for a moment, than Link appeared climbing over the beast's belly. When he reached the ground, he walked over to Ivan.
"Okay, two things," said Link calmly. "One, I hate your author."
"Funny," replied Ivan. "So does Floating Skull."
"Two," continued Link. "What was that thing you did?"
"Ah, that." Ivan smiled. "When the author drained my powers and assigned me some field work, I decided to borrow some Psynergy Stones from my friends." He held out a small red orb. "This is the Orb of Force. Observe, Force!" As he said it, a large ghostly hand shot out from him, slamming into a pillar.
Link was impressed. "Remind me to play Golden Sun when this fic's over. Anyway, let's go." He picked up the heart container and stepped into the light.
The three appeared in the Tree's meadow. The Great Deku Tree began his speech. Link and Navi zoned out, whilst Ivan hung on every word. He even cried as the bark turned black. When he finished, they left towards the forest only to be stopped by Seymour.
"It seems the Great Deku Tree is dead. I'm supposed to care, but I really don't. It's part of the spiral of death. Well, I'll be at my house plotting your destruction." He walked off without another word. Still refusing to comment, Link and co. continued to the bridge at the edge of the forest when they ran into Starfire.
"Oh Friend Link. You are going on a most dangerous mission, yes?" Link nodded without saying a word. "I offer you this to help you." She held out her hands to reveal the Fairy Ocarina.
"Thank you, Starfire," he said, taking the ocarina.
Starfire grabbed Link in another embrace. "Oh I will miss you, Friend Link." Link couldn't break out of this hold. He managed to squeak out the word 'help'.
Thinking fast, Ivan used one of his Psynergies that wasn't drained. "Whirlwind!" A small tornado appeared and knocked Starfire off Link and off of the bridge.
Link turned to thank Ivan when Starfire flew up over them. Her eyes glowed a bright green and so did her hands.
Ivan's eyes grew large. "Oh crap, starbolts! STARBOLTS!"
You know what I realized while writing this chapter?
Flt. Sk.: You have no talent as an author and should return to your puny mortal life?
No, not that. Navi is Ivan spelled backwards!
Ght. Felix: Fo'shizzle yo!
B.B.: I feel sorry for Link. I know what Starfire's hugs are like.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Now, this is a touch & go process. So if you have any good ideas for characters, let me know. 'Kay?