By Adrian Tullberg.
Professor Snape made it a habit to avoid the Christmas celebrations at Hogwarts. Any season of goodwill made his teeth stand on edge.
So when a trader was in London with some particularly rare herbs, Snape jumped at the chance. The 50 off storewide sale at Marks and Spencer was merely icing on the cake.
Professor McGonagall smiled at him when he left, stating "Bah Humbug again, Severus?"
Snape smiled serenely at her, imagining tying her down to a table, taking a large bag of humbugs, and jamming the contents up both her nostrils.
Snape returned late in the evening, with one bag full of some very interesting ingredients, and the other containing three sets of quite lovely paisley pyjamas at ten pound fifty each (including VAT).
He intended to cross the Great Hall, which should be deserted by now, as a shortcut to his quarters.
However, opening the doors provided the first clue that something was very, very wrong.
The party was still in full swing.
'Swing' being the operative word, because everybody was naked, or close enough.
Snape slowly lowered his purchases to the ground, and scanned the room.
There was young Miss Weasley, eating grapes out of ... well, he didn't think anybody would voluntarily put food for immediate consumption there.
And Longbottom, wearing nothing but a shirt, being attended to by three female students and McGonagall. Well, it was always the quiet ones, wasn't it?
Draco Malfoy was tied to a table, and Ron Weasley was ... well, impersonating a cowboy at one of those rodeo things.
Dumbledore was walking around, shouting "Who wants to climb the Dumble-pole?"
And Potter ... there was a name for what he was ... well, what was being done to him.
Oh yes, a gang bang.
A split second later, Snape cursed himself. There had been a camera unsophisticated enough to avoid being scrambled by Hogwart's charms in his price range, and it came with three free rolls of film. He could have owled off a few snaps for that Skeeter woman by now.
Snape glanced at a half empty glass nearby. He snatched it up, ran his little finger around the edge, and sniffed cautiously.
Just as he thought; a Lust Potion. Very popular during the seventies. Undetectable when mixed with alcohol - or eggnog.
In fact, it was a batch of this particular formula used at a family gathering in Salem 1691 that started off some very nasty business. Always trust Puritans to over-react.
He turned to leave - and there was a naked Hermione Granger looking at his with what she probably thought was a sultry look.
"Any way to get extra points, Professor?"
Snape still had a good left hook, stopping to grab his bags before running like hell.
And yes, it was perfectly reasonable for a grown man to hide himself in a cupboard, hand trembling, wand pointing at the door, because a group of fornicating students was blocking the way to his quarters and the equipment and ingredients necessary to brew an antidote.
At least they hadn't gotten his pyjamas ...