Written by: Lourdes, a.k.a rockerforlife

Rating: K

Genre: Angst/Drama/Action - English

Pairing: Tristan/OC

Summary: A woman's thoughts about her feelings for Tristan. Not your average Tristan piece. Oneshot.

Disclaimer: This short piece is pure fanfiction. Sadly, I do not own the great Tristan, but I do own the unnamed narrator of this piece.

Author's Note: Since I didn't have the time to write an entire Tristan/OC fic, I decided to write this oneshot. I would love to hear from anyone and everyone! Any comments are welcome and highly appreciated!

If you would like, check out my other King Arthur story, "My Knight". I promise it will be a good read! .smiles. Enjoy!


There you are, standing in the distance.

I see you move stealthily through your comrades, wielding your blade with such dexterity and skill, eyes inflamed, though countenance firm and unyielding. Blood splatters everywhere as you once again strike another, piercing your blade relentlessly into their armourless body, expression cold, unflinching, with no trace of regret. The blood of the man whose life you had just taken covers you now – your dirtied armour, your muddied boots, your glinting sword – even tracing your striking, unshaven face.

That face.

It holds so much mystery, so much depth, that even through the deafening cries around me, I find such peace, such solace, such…tranquility when I look upon it. How I admire you so, how I genuinely wonder about your past, think about your history and how you have become like so; how you have become molded into a knight that emanated bravery, not harbouring a trace of emotion, resonating a flame within your soul, your being, that did not fear death.

I longed to touch you then, to feel your calloused hands on mine, to trace my fingertips upon your rugged face. Do not dare ask me why I feel this way, because I cannot explain it myself. These feelings hold no reason, and all I can do at this moment is keep my eyes on you, on your form, on your being.

I am pushed forward towards you, simultaneously breathtaken and afraid. I can find no words to speak to you, my feet nailed down to the ground below me, as your gaze turns towards my direction. Uncontrollably, I tremble before your piercing brown eyes, your thin lips curled into a snarl as your attention becomes transfixed on me. I quickly swallow, shakily lifting my axe in front of me, hoping that this measly barrier of metal would deter you from me. But I should have known better. I should have known, from the moment that I laid eyes on you, that no form of threat would hold you back from me.

The glimmer of hope that had appeared within me has disappeared as quickly as it had come. You stride towards me now, your blade, dripping with crimson liquid, held firmly to your side. I step back a few paces at your sudden advance, the fear that I had once contained now engulfing my every being, uncaged, uncontrollable. I long to reach out to you, to experience your being, to make my feelings known to you. Yet, your eyes overlook them, overlook me -- able to see only what I am and not who I am.

You come upon me with brute strength, pushing me with such force to the ground, pinning me there. I lie under you, my defences becoming weak, my heart pounding so hard upon my chest that it begins to hurt. As every fleeting moment passes by, I wish with all my heart that you would not do this, that our circumstances were not like so.

Not like this.

Never like this.

There is so much more to me, so much more that you can know if you wanted to. I breathe, eat, sleep and live as you do. I laugh, cry and love as any person on this earth. But still, you cannot see that, for your eyes glaze with fiery emotion, your mind locked upon one purpose. Your body continues its unyielding assault on mine, our breaths lingering in the air, visible as you grunt and as I hopelessly squirm below you. I cry out in pain as your body presses onto mine, crushing me with such force that I begin to see the world around me spin.

With the remaining strength that is left in me, I push you from the length of my body, and we roll in the blood-covered ground in a struggle. Our weapons are now locked in a cross, my teeth gritting as I bear your strength, pushing my axe downwards at you with all my might. I look down at you and see that your countenance is calm, your eyes even showing a tint of amusement at my actions. You are my weakness. And now I know that that is my foolish mistake.

In a burst of strength, you throw me upright from your body, unlocking our weapons. I try desperately to recover my flung axe, rolling away from your form. Gripping my weapon tightly, I turn towards you, prepared to swing.

Though, before I am able to, my body abruptly stops.

I feel and taste the crimson liquid cascading in rivulets from my mouth, trickling down to my chin, freefalling to the already bloodied ground. I look down below to my body, seeing your blade protruding straight through my heart. I look up at you then, my sight becoming blurry, my breath beginning to quicken. Through my tears, I can see those hard, stone eyes looking down upon me with an expression that I cannot perceive. With no sound from your lips, you twist the thin sword abruptly to the side, making my body shake once more.

I fall slowly to the ground, my trembling hands clutching the front of your tunic. You retrieve your blade, and I gasp for breath, my body now lying motionless on the ground.

If you had only seen through the blue markings on my body. If you had only given me one chance, one moment, then this would not be my fate.

I could have loved you, sir knight, with all my heart.

I could have loved you, only if you had let me.