A/N: Well, I'm back ladies and gents. Here you go, have fun. And don't forget to review!

-Page 20-

362) Rodney, you are not a "dead man".

a) Stop looking for pity and go get Sam or Radek to fix it.

To call Rodney paranoid is an insult to paranoid people. Rodney makes paranoia his religion!

363) "Goth Night" is not to continue on base.

Marie Brown, Major Dave King, Sarget Sean Spearman and cook Justin Walker all ended up called back to the SGC for an emergency meeting of Alien allies. Rather than bother to change, they decided to freak out the Asgard. It worked. But alas, they were defeated in a scary way. Anise demanded to be included in the next Goth Night.

364) There is no proof the Xerxes was a Gou'ald.

(So turn off the DVD and stop bugging me!- Daniel)

(And no, I won't ask Daniel to approve your trip to Greece so you can "research"! -Marie!)

(But there might be treasure! -Vala!)

(No. -Daniel)

(How about fifty-fifty Mar, a girls night out?-Vala)

365) The SGC does not participate in "Take your Kid to Work Day".

a) Except for the triplets.

b) For reasons of national security.

366) The SGC will not buy a Nascar Team.

Kasprick and Major Dave King of SG-13 felt it would be a good way for the program to go public. They also felt Thor would make a good driver.

(The guy weighs like 10 pounds! He would fly at qualifying! -Kasprick)

(Please tell him no General.-Dr. Brown)

(It's a bad idea. -General Landry)

(Dude, your girl friend is such a kill joy sometimes.-King)

367) Stop getting drunk and singing loudly while on base.

It was really Vala's birthday this time, and SG-1, 2, 3, 13 and the gate techsthrew her a liquor laced party. Dr. Brown, Danieland SG-13 proceeded to teach everyone all the celtic and folk drinking songs they could think of. A slurred version of "Excursion around the Bay" was heard for three levels.

368) The triplets are to be PROPERLY supervised at all times when using the new Asgard replicator systems.

When they were first installed, no one realized exactly what three little girls could use it for. When Sam told the girls, now 4 years old, to go have lunch with Feretti and SG-2 in the mess, she was too occupied with trying to de-activate Mel's tamagotchi to remember how bad an influence Feretti was. Three hours later, when she was called down to the infirmary, she found them all being treated for tummy aches. Apparently, all they ate was ice cream, candy and doughnuts. Sam was not at all impressed, and told all exactly how unimpressed she was for an hour.

369) Don't eat the "Ben and Jerry's" now stocked in cold storage room 4.

a) It's for the Nox!

b) And Atlantis.

c) So hands off!

(I only get one pint of Chunky Monkey a month! An ice cream depried geniusmakes mistakes! Mistakes that leave you stranded on an icey planet, naked! -Rodney)

In exchange for yummy ice cream, the Nox have agreed to begin teaching Sam, here on Earth, and Rodney on Atlantis how to build Stargates. Rodney, not surprisingly, was irritable (well, more so than normal) and oddly enough Lya as well. It tended to give the science team headaches.

370) The "Bruce Campbell" school of thought is not a good way to fight the Wraith.

SGA-8 had a new member. Lt. Angelica Northam was a big Bruce Campbell fan, and believed quite firmly tht an "Evil Dead" fighting approach was best. She argued with both Dr. Weir and General O'Neill over the fact that she wanted to be issued a shotgun and have someone design her a compact, light weight, titanium toothed, naquada powered chain saw. After being denied (for the eighth time) she stormed off muttering about evil duplicates and being unprepared.

371) Star Trek Voyager jokes. No.

a) Just no.

b) Never.

(Why did Woolsey put this up? -Daniel)

(Oh, come on Danny! Don't you watch any Sci-fi? -Jack)

(He does indeed resemble Robert Picardo a great deal. -Teal'c)

(Who did he play? -Feretti)

(The Doctor, you know the hologram? -Sam)

(Holy Stolen Faces Batman! You're right! -Dr. Lydia Winter)

372) Only Laura Cadman is allowed to call Carson her "Yummy Scottish Snicker Doodle."

a) And only Elizabeth can call Rodney "MerBear".

Let's be fair now... they were drunk. Girls poker night just got out of hand that night, once again.

373) Please do not set your cell phone ring tune to the "Wormhole X-Treme" theme song.

a) Are you trying to send SG-1 into a homicidal rage?

b) They will hurt you.

374) Sick Days are not to be used so you can go to the "Wormhole X-Treme" convention.

After half the science department, a third of the SG teams and General Landry himself called in "sick", operations were literally completely shut down, everyone sent home (except Walter who wouldn't let got of his chair and Siler who cried and clung desperately to the gate) and this rule posted. Thankfully, no one attacked Earth.

(A/N: Thanks to jainga for the next one!)

375) No cursing any where near the SGC Nursery!

a) No mater what language it is.

b) Jack may have no clue what his children are saying, but Sam can make Daniel tell her...

376) Fake Iratus bugs are not funny!

(I thought you all got the memo that said it never happened! -John)

Strategically hidden around Atlantis were several life like fake Iratus bugs. John had the misfortune of triggering a spring loaded one hidden in the armory. With no idea who planted them, he took out on the whole city, and is now as feared as Rodney with out coffee or ice cream! Meanwhile, back on Earth SG-3was sniggering in the safety of the mess.

377) Don't mess with the pregnant lady.

a) Don't interfere when a pregnant lady is eating.

b) Don't steal a pregnant lady's popcorn.

c) And NEVER eat the last of the popcorn!

Kavanaugh took Teyla's popcorn when she got up to get some milk. The last of her popcorn. The last of the popcorn ANYWHERE in Atlantis. When she came back and found him popping the last kernel into his mouth, he knew he was in for a world of hurt from that look in her eyes. He managed to run away and get his hands on a personal shield. Seventeen hours later Teyla had him cornered in McKay's lab and is still currently hitting the shield non-stop with a fighting stick hoping to run it down. So far she has traded off with Ronon twice for naps.

(A/N: Special thanks to Skye for these last four! She helped me get of my lazy butt and post this!)

378) Stop trying to turn the MALP's into Transformers!

a) Same with the puddle jumpers!

(You have to admit...that IS pretty cool! -Jack)

(Don't encourage them! -Sam)

After seeing the new live-action Transformers movie, the science departments on Earth and Atlantis decided to turn the MALP's and Puddle Jumpers into transforming vehicles. As a result a new movie was added to the Banned list and the scientists are forbidden from watching sci-fi movies for a month.

379) The alien mind control device is not a toy!

(I wasn't using it as a toy! I was using it as a means of revenge! -Skye)

(I don't know whether to be pissed or proud. -Gen. Hammond.)


Kinsey made a surprise visit to the SGC and, since General Hammond was no longer in charge, decided to insult it's founding CO. Including calling him a 'poor excuse for an inept leader' and 'a hedonistic moron with the brain capacity of a gnat'. Skye heard this and was livid. Since she couldn't physically beat the man into a pulp, she decided on the next best thing. Humiliation on a global scale. During Kinsey's live press conference (that was held in the nearby town), Skye 'borrowed' a newly found mind control device of unknown origin. She proceeded to hijack Kinsey's brain and made him sing 'I'm a little teapot', 'Milkshakes', 'The Beer Song' and 'They're taking the hobbits to Isengard'. She was saluted by everyone at the SGC for a month afterward.

380) Anyone wishing for a copy of 'Kinsey Idol', please see Skye in the commissary.

(Never humiliate your enemy in public. Do it where the whole world can see! -Skye)

(You are evil. -Daniel)

(I'm not evil, I'm morally challenged. And that's what she gets for insulting my uncle! -Skye)

Skye had recorded Kinsey's brain-jacked press conference and was selling copies. The copies were selling like mad; even the president called to order a copy, and congratulate her on a job well done.

381) Don't play "entrance songs" when people come through the gate!

(It made her leave didn't it?! -Walter)

(And got us bitched out by the council later! -Jack)

Walter knew Anise would be visiting the SGC in the near future, so he rigged the loudspeakers to play 'Dude Looks Like a Lady'. Anise promptly turned on her heels and stormed back through the gate, earning Walter a round of beer at the bar...and General Landry a lecture from the Tok'ra council.

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