This is my first story. And yeah, you can be nasty and I know you probably will because I'm young and my writing is pretty pathetic. Thanks and please review

disclaimer: i so wished i owned theshow but guess what? I don't. So you can read my crummy version of events instead. I also don't own the OC

Chapter 1: Killing Marissa

"Cuddy, as much as I would love to talk about my billing procedures I'm afraid I'm too busy. Contemplating the meaning of life and all that, ya know?" House's face took on a fake 'thinking' face and he looked mockingly at Cuddy. "It hurts me real bad. Right here," he said pointing dramatically at his chest.

Cuddy smirked and rolled her eyes. "Yeah sure," she said sarcastically, "but it definitely won't hurt as much as when I grab your cane and shove it up your ass."

House grimaced and hobbled to the door as he dry swallowed a couple of Vicodin. "Nice chatting to you but I gotta go. Marissa's going to die in..." He looked at his watch "...about twenty minutes".

Cuddy looked at him, confusion covering her face. "House, you don't even have a patient at the moment and even if you did how can you know when she's going to die?"

"I'm psychic. But seriously, do you not know who Marissa is?"

"Ummm, no. I should?"

House mock gasped, smirked and limped down the corner only to pause and shout back at Cuddy. "Hey. If you really want to know she's a special chicky babe friend of mine in the Orange County... and the lightbulb goes on!" He peered at the Dean of Medicine, curious at the lack of a response. "The OC?", he continued.

"Oh my god, House. A TV soap. Sooo important."

The diagnostician in question looked at his watch again. "Exactly. Which is why I'm going to be very cranky if I miss the beginning of the show. Don't have TiVo in my office." As an afterthought he added, almost to himself, "Loser. Who doesn't watch the OC?"

Allison Cameron, laden with documents for her boss to sign, emerged from the elevator in time to hear his question and answered him. "I don't. Never seen an episode in my life"

"Far out. You ladies either need to get laid or get an education. Come on. Follow me children." They both looked up at him quizzically. "Oh. Hurry up. Not long to go."

Cuddy smiled, a hint of relief showing. "I'm your boss ergo you can't boss me around. So sorry"

House smirked. "Too busy what? Satisfying the needs of the janitor? Or is it the secretary this week?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled sympathetically at Cameron, who in turn practically begged Cuddy to give her a good reason not to go. As Cuddy started to reply House piped up. "I'm your boss ergo I can boss you around. C'mon. The TV's set up in my office."

Cameron reluctantly started walking after House but almost had to jog to keep up with him. "Boy, the OC must be great."

He didn't stop rushing but answered with a trace of excitement in his voice. "Like hell yeah. Not as good as General Hospital though. That is a classic."

House enthusiastically, and as agilely as he could with a cane, hobbled into his office. He pulled Cameron in by arm, slammed and locked the door, shut all the blinds and plonked himself down in his chair. Cameron was stunned into silence by the almost happiness he showed.

"Party", he squealed in an imitation of an excited teenage girl. "You get the popcorn. Pleeeaseee," he whined and pleaded sweetly to Cameron. He then put a finger up to his lips and turned the TV on. Seeing they were still advertising some boring personal loan group he turned to look at what Cameron was doing. She was still standing, in a particularly pissed off way. Because he was so sensitive to the needs of others he told her to sit down. "Well, get comfy. It goes for longer than the Saddle Club does, ya know."

She shot him a withering glare back and said, hands on hips, "Yeah. I would sit down but it seems that something is in the only chair."

"Oh, I told Chase to remove the whip but he refused. How embarrassing. Well, it just so happens that the rule is ladies before gentlemen but the chart also says that drug addicted, limping misanthropes come before ladies. Sorry," he said, spreading his hands out apologetically before he brightened considerably saying "You could sit on the desk behind me... no funny business though"

Cameron blushed uncomfortably. Last year she had totally humiliated herself by admitting she thought her boss was attractive and forcing him out on a date. Bad idea. House, Chase and Foreman still teased her about it regularly.

He smirked. "I know I'm hard to resist but try to keep your hands off me." She sighed and was told to shut up as some young people walked onscreen. She sat on the floor next to House. "Okay", he whispered, "That's Seth. He went out with that chick Summer but stuffed up that relationship. He is kinda mates with this guy, Ryan, who has about two facial expressions and has BIG problems with violence. He even bashed up his ex-girlfriend's sorta current boyfriend who was..."

"Umm House." Cameron interrupted, "Can I maybe just watch?"

He rolled his eyes. "So unappreciative of the efforts I make to be nice and explain the important things of life. I am so never telling you anything ever again." he turned away pretending to be grumpy and huffed.

"Did you ever tell me anything anyway?"

House thought about it and shrugged. "I guess not." He then noticed Cameron again. She was seated almost below him and the angle he was at meant...

"House!" she exclaimed "Stop looking down my shirt!"

He stopped leering and said appreciatively "You so raided Cuddy's collection of lowcut tops and got breast enlargements, didn't you? I won't tell. I promise"

"Shut up. No" She shook her head vehemently and told her boss just to watch the TV already.