I walk on a tightrope, a thin line stretched between life and death. Not quite part of one world or the other, but something . . . different, something between.
At first it did not matter, I was young, I had friends, and my newfound power gave me purpose. It added direction to my drifting life.
And later, when it occurred to me to wonder, to think about what I was and what that meant, well, then the possibilities frightened me. I drew away from that line of thought, not really ready to know, or understand a large part of what made me who I was.
Even now it is not something I give much thought to. There is no way to know, really, what it means to be a being that simultaneously exists in a state of living and a state of death. It is what I am, nothing more or less. What would it matter if I knew? Nothing could be changed, and I am not sure that I would change it even if I could. I have been what I am for a very long time, and though I do not fully understand it, I have come to terms with it.
I have lived my 'life' as best I could. There are dreams that I abandoned in the process and mistakes that I made, but thinking on it I do not regret my path.
I am old now. Older, I think, than I would have survived to if my accident had never happened.
As a result of that I have watched as the people around me died one by one. Not one of them became a ghost to my immense relief, and though I have been at least partially dead for the majority of my long life I do not know what happens after that final curtain drops.
My beautiful wife, Sam, was the last to go. I believe that she did not want to abandon me, she hung on until I told it was okay to go, until I told her that I would be alright. We never had any children.
Now I'm the only one left.
And at last, at long last, I am dying.
I know it with a certainty that has seeped itself into my soul. Oddly - or perhaps not oddly at all, considering what I am - there are no signs of it, no physical or mental decay. It doesn't matter, I am dying, and at this point I am tried enough of life not to care.
I don't know what happens after this. Will I become a fully ghost? Will I simply die, and that will be it? Will I be reborn? Will there be some sort of after life?
Will Sam be waiting for me?
I do not know.
All I know is that I am slipping off the tightrope, and for the world of me, I do not know if there is a safety net below.